Author Topic: The Misfits, (TV Script / Comedy)  (Read 11326 times)

Offline Brettney

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The Misfits, (TV Script / Comedy)
« on: May 01, 2011, 03:52:02 AM »
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« Last Edit: April 11, 2013, 04:24:18 PM by Brettney »

Offline 510bhan

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Re: The Misfits, (TV Script / Comedy)
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2011, 12:55:32 PM »
Hi, Iíve noticed youíre new. ;) ;) ;)

Make sure you've read the guidelines for posting and get to know how to find your way around things, the rules and what the etiquette of the site expects.

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Offline Don

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Re: The Misfits, (TV Script / Comedy)
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2011, 01:19:08 PM »
Brett -

I was under the impression The Misfits was already a British TV program. My first suggestion would be to find another title.

Also, this isn't a script--merely a cast of potential characters with descriptions. This is a necessity for the writer but does nothing for the viewer. The viewer isn't going to be reading your descriptions. While the potential for humor exists, we'll withhold judgement until we see actual lines of dialogue.

As an example, how is the viewer going to know Mrs. Graham is an ex-hooker or that the baker has smelly feet? We have a number of excellent scriptwriters on MWC and you can get lots of help and advice. First, however, you have to write a script. Why don't you write up a single scene and post it?

Don -

I have a motto: when in doubt, go for the cheap laugh.

Offline 510bhan

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Re: The Misfits, (TV Script / Comedy)
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2011, 06:34:01 PM »
Age range late 20s-80s, variety of occupations/student/unemployed so opportunities for conflict and tension to be dealt with humourously. ;)
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Offline Butterfly21

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Re: The Misfits, (TV Script / Comedy)
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2011, 10:33:05 PM »
The Misfits title and just the characters in general makes me think of this English comedy call umm, The Young Ones i think its called, or something similar to that.
But anyway, this was just a rundown of the characters. I don't like being told about each of the characters upfront like that. I'd like to be shown somewhere in a scene that Jack's nickname is Frazzle because of what he did. If I were to read these character descriptions and then read the script for a scene that they then joke about his nickname, it wouldn't really humor me because I already knew.
I think all you really need to tell us before we read the script is their name, occupation and appearance maybe. The rest I believe you should make reference to in the scenes and dialogue.

But, that's just my opinion. Disregard whatever you like.  :)
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Offline Maimi

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Re: The Misfits, (TV Script / Comedy)
« Reply #5 on: May 05, 2011, 10:33:43 AM »
Hello Brettney,

Misfits indeed. There is definitely potential for laughs with this crew. :D

In your character description you note Jack is 29. Then things open on a primary playground ten years earlier. Since there is no reference as to ten years from what, I assume this means your main character is nineteen. I understand heís not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but a nineteen year old allowed to stay so far behind with little children is a stretch for me. If this is not the case, you could open with a playground and young Jack, young Suzy, etc.
Sorry, scratch that. It slipped my mind you said he was thirteen when the screwdriver incident happened.

Iím not familiar with the differences between scripts for television versus movies, however, some items threw me.

Is the narration in television scripts supposed to be capitalized? It slowed the read down since Iím not used to it. It also took away from the items that are supposed to be capitalized. The same goes for capitalizing some parentheticals.

Quote
JUST THEN THE TEACHER YELLS SUZYíS SURNAME
In areas such as this, you have dialogue written as narration. Plus, as written, we have no idea what surname she yells.

You switch how you refer to the same character. Here you use teacher, then Miss Kemal in other areas. After an introduction, be consistent in how you refer to a character in narration and to indicate dialogue. Otherwise, some may think this one character is actually two.

Quote
... AS SHE REACHES THEM SHE PUTS ON A WRY SMILE AND HOLDS OUT HER HAND AS A GESTURE TO SHAKE.

SUZY (warily) RAISES HER HAND TO MEET HER NEW TEACHERS BUT IS AT ONCE DEJECTED AS MISS KEMAL GRABS IT AND TIGHTLY SQUEEZES AS THEY MEET.
An explanation on handshaking is unnecessary. The action shows whatís going on.


Quote
JUST THEN ...
You use this phrase a couple of times. Try diving into the action instead of delaying the read with the phrase. We know what order the actions occur by the order they appear in the script.

Look over "your" and "you're". There are a few areas where it should be you're (you are) instead of your (possessive). Also skim through the punctuation. Some sentences are missing marks at the end.

I know you said you wrote this as you spoke, and you're eager to receive feedback. Being enthusiastic is wonderful, however, it's best not to post as you write. :)

We all kick ourselves when we read what we've just written. Why? Because we find errors we normally wouldn't make. Those mistakes--whether they be a slip of a finger or because inspiration is riding us and we rush to get the story down--should to be corrected before putting a piece up for critique. That way you'll receive feedback focused on where you need help, instead of feedback regarding things you already know. Plus, the errors won't be there to take away from your piece and we won't be misled on areas where you struggle. ;)

I'll stop blathering now. :)

-Maimi

P.S. Don't forget to pop in and review work posted by other members.
« Last Edit: May 06, 2011, 02:00:41 PM by Maimi »

Offline Maimi

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Re: The Misfits, (TV Script / Comedy)
« Reply #6 on: May 05, 2011, 04:46:41 PM »
As far as the idea, like Siobhan said, you have opportunities for conflict and tension to be dealt with humorously. Coming up with an idea is one thing. Following through in your writing is another.

I was able to follow along. You didn't jump around. One action flowed to the next. There are some things that need tightening and cleaned up. It is, after all, a first draft. But now you have a start. :)

You've established they are dimwitted kids. It'll be interesting to see just how dim they still are when you get to present day, when Frazzle is 29. ;)

I guess that's one question I have: Will they be adults in the next scene? Personally, I'd shy away from spending too much time showing their foolishness as kids. An adult doing something foolish has a bigger impact and it sounds as if that's the point of the show.

-Maimi

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: The Misfits, (TV Script / Comedy)
« Reply #7 on: May 06, 2011, 08:24:51 PM »
Actually, before the TV series, there was a movie titled The Misfits. There is also a band with the name.

But since the titles of books, movies or TV shows are not copyrighted, there is not problem there.


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Offline 510bhan

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Re: The Misfits, (TV Script / Comedy)
« Reply #8 on: May 13, 2011, 09:02:24 AM »
I don't think it's lack of interest Brettney - just that it's an area requiring a certain level of experience/expertise and other writers wouldn't want to give you the wrong advice. :-\
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Offline 510bhan

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Re: The Misfits, (TV Script / Comedy)
« Reply #9 on: May 13, 2011, 09:06:07 AM »
YOu can offer an opinion though - you liked/disliked the characters, style, storyline was interesting etc. :)
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Silt

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Re: The Misfits, (TV Script / Comedy)
« Reply #10 on: May 13, 2011, 09:08:20 AM »
Not qualified?

Are you not a reader?

Are you not a writer of scripts/screenplays?

I think that is enough of a qualification.

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Re: The Misfits, (TV Script / Comedy)
« Reply #11 on: May 13, 2011, 09:12:39 AM »
I'm a rookie writer, but what I'm saying is simply this. If you can write a script, then you can give an opinion on someone elses.

Critiquing is not just a matter of looking for errors in the other writer's work, it is also to see how they express things, draw in scenes/characters/plots, all which will help you in your own writing.

You benefit as well as they.

jwatson300011

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Re: The Misfits, (TV Script / Comedy)
« Reply #12 on: May 17, 2011, 12:02:09 PM »
My first thought was, is this a "Friends" knock off? I would look for something a lot fresher than these characters. My own thought is that people should look at theri own lives to find something, not another tv show. But then maybe your life is a lot like Friends. But it still shouldn't keep you from looking deeper and finding something about it that would make it stand out a lot more as a sitcom. 

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Re: The Misfits, (TV Script / Comedy)
« Reply #13 on: May 17, 2011, 01:14:10 PM »
OK. But I have one more suggestion for when you get a script done. Submit it to a site called www.triggerstreet.com. They will have you reading scripts before you submit yours for review. Great scripts. I'm sure they have comidies too.

And for writing it, if you don't want to spend a lot of money on First Draft use a free software called Celtx. I use it and I love it!