Author Topic: I have a hand gesture question. ???  (Read 3810 times)

Offline Don

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Re: I have a hand gesture question. ???
« Reply #30 on: April 28, 2011, 07:48:47 PM »
"What do you make of this?" Koop asked, funnelling the contents of his closed fist into Matt's upturned palm. "I know it looks like wheat husks, but look closer. It's really armor from alien spores."

Okay, maybe you have to modify the dialogue somewhat to fit your story, but you get the idea. Alice is right. Use the reader's imagination. :)

Don -
I have a motto: when in doubt, go for the cheap laugh.

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: I have a hand gesture question. ???
« Reply #31 on: April 28, 2011, 08:20:07 PM »
Yes, I see what you're saying, by giving it to dialogue it opens the imagination. Here's what I came up with before I read your comment Don.

Koop looked around and held out his hand to give that something to Matt. “Where would you go to find these in the dead of winter?” Matt held out his hand and a few flakes funneled from Koop’s hand into the tiny crevasses between his fingers. The breathe of a slight breeze carried a few specs away before Matt could snap his hand shut.

Skip

Silt

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Re: I have a hand gesture question. ???
« Reply #32 on: April 29, 2011, 08:05:41 AM »
Yes, I see what you're saying, by giving it to dialogue it opens the imagination. Here's what I came up with before I read your comment Don.

Koop looked around and held out his hand to give that something to Matt. “Where would you go to find these in the dead of winter?” Matt held out his hand and a few flakes funneled from Koop’s hand into the tiny crevasses between his fingers. The breathe of a slight breeze carried a few specs away before Matt could snap his hand shut.

Skip

Koop opened his clenched fist, mindful of those who stood nearby. “Would you normally find these in the dead of winter?” he whispered. Matt looked down. Caught by a light breeze, tiny husks of (...)  swirled before being swept away.

I know I played with your words, but tried to keep your meaning, Skip.  To just call them 'something/few flakes/few specs' is a bit too obscure. You want the reader to know what they are asap, because they are important to the story and scene. That Matt couldn't catch them is not important since he is shown to see. The transfer is not really important, more is the fact that the husks are not seen in the dead of winter.  So tell what needs to be told.

Just my thoughts, great work, Skip

Silt

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: I have a hand gesture question. ???
« Reply #33 on: April 29, 2011, 04:18:36 PM »
Without straying too far away from the image of initial hand gesture, I see what you're aiming at. My concern was the fine tuning of the body language and the subtle variations of what is in the hand would determining how it was delivered.
For instance, a handful of peas or pebbles given to another would look differently than handing over a few specks of confetti. Keeping in mind that Matt doesn't know what is being handed to him until he examines it a little closer. (Which comes in the next lines of the story.)

Drawing his closed fist to his stomach, he cupped his other hand over his fingers before looking to see what his friend had given to him. “Barely husks?”

This is why I thought that if I could fine tune the initial gesture and mention that a slight breeze stole a few of the pieces, this would set up the imagery for the reader. Yeah-yeah??

Skip

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Re: I have a hand gesture question. ???
« Reply #34 on: April 29, 2011, 04:30:15 PM »
Hard to say, Skip. It is your story, no one knows the characters better than you.

I know you'll sort it out.

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: I have a hand gesture question. ???
« Reply #35 on: April 29, 2011, 04:32:55 PM »
 ;D always pondering.

Skip

Silt

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Re: I have a hand gesture question. ???
« Reply #36 on: April 29, 2011, 04:34:10 PM »
Sometimes I spend days over one word.