Author Topic: literary work; Finding an audience  (Read 1720 times)

jwatson300011

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literary work; Finding an audience
« on: April 24, 2011, 01:15:10 AM »
I wonder, sometimes, if my first novel is too literary to turn people on. I've had people tell me that the subject is overwhelming. Some tell me that it's gloomy. I've never read Lovely Bones, but what can be more depressing than someone being raped, killed and is watching the episode from Heaven?

I will read it, sense my writing is paranormal also. But should I be targeting a certain audience outside of the Facebook or Twitter crowd?


This Child Will


Prologue

They all wept like babies the moment they’d
swallowed the rat poison they passed around in a circle.
Now, at the end of this irreversible plunge, at the end of
this crash, the end of this self-inflicted, mind-boggling
torture, the end of life was awaiting.

The crime took place in an old tenement apartment
where their small, activist group once held weekly
meetings. It was there where they made plans for
rallies at some local chemical plant responsible for
the pollution of the inner city’s water supply. It was
there were they made plans to picket a local chain store
that refused to promote their people to management
positions.

They always told themselves that if this moment
ever arrived that they wouldn’t shed a tear, that they
would make their departure in the same manner as they
conducted their lives, brave as daredevils, fearless,
refusing to show any weakness of emotion. To The
Fishers of Men, the fear of dying was an extreme
weakness. But they were only human, more human
than they imagined themselves, more than the tools of
a cause they imagined themselves. So cry, they did;
tears that rolled like the violence of their lives.

A couple of them saw the image of the spirit
responsible for the chain of events that brought them
to this. The fi rst man to take the poison saw it as he
sat in the circle of victims. He saw it as it hovered in a
corner, its body covered in what looked like a robe of
sapphire gems, watching as he raised the glass to his
lips. The image was one of a female, young and exotic
looking much like pictures he’d seen of the beautiful
women of the Ivory Coast. And as he drank, he thought
with intense sadness, I’ve never even seen the Ivory
Coast. I’ve always lived here, with these dead, cold
concrete people.

The next man in the circle to drink the poison saw
it, too. And he wondered if a certain story he’d heard
was true, if this was the spirit, Maggie, linked to one of
the F.O.M., the spirit linked to the young clairvoyant
boy and to Thaddeus, the spirit who’d led them to
commit the abominable crime, the crime that had led
them to this place, and to this tragic end. As he raised
the glass to his own lips he saw a smile curling on its.
He was certain now that it was responsible for all that
had and would unfold. His hands began to tremble now
with the fear of his transition, wondering if it would be
waiting for him on the other side. But his soul was a
polluted one, a demon that wouldn’t let him retreat.

The room was filled with the sounds of men
moaning, crying, and belting out a confession to the
part he played in the crime as he held the glass with
both
« Last Edit: April 24, 2011, 11:47:31 PM by Country4Gal »

Offline 510bhan

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Re: literary work; Finding an audience
« Reply #1 on: April 24, 2011, 10:27:11 AM »
Although you have mentioned tenement buildings - I have no other object to use for placing the time of this event - can't be further back that the buildings' construction but it might be a futuristic apocalypse situation, could be present day . . .  need to know this so I am prepared for what is to come . . . reader expectation. Also, I don't know if this will be a mystery/murder/fantasy . . . have to help the reader a bit more with these things.

Offline Butterfly21

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Re: literary work; Finding an audience
« Reply #2 on: April 24, 2011, 10:32:05 AM »
I never read lovely bones but I watched the movie. That was enough for me.
I don't think I would've stuck it out and continued reading, as the book goes more in depth than the movie.
And the killer was a creepy sicko  >:(

This is a prologue - I assume set before the actual present time that the rest of the novel is in??
Make sure a prologue is necessary, cos nothing annoys me most is when i get put in the past at the start and get intrigued like, whats all this about, and then get to the end of the book and realise i wasted time reading the prologue because it didn't lead to anything that the rest of the book didn't tell me about.

Also, there's no dialogue or anything, it sort of feels like im kinda detached from it and you're telling me all about it.
And you're supposed to tell me all about it, but I have to get immersed in the story and emphasize with a specific character.
I'm just told about a bunch of characters killing themselves.
I like people killing themselves at the start of a story, because I'm then intrigued and have to find out more about it and read on.
But I think, pick one of the people in the circle and tell this suicide thing from their POV. It doesn't matter it this character isn't the MC as long as there's one character to kind of guide me through the scene, so you don't have to, it'll get rid of that annoying storyteller sort of thing you've got going on at the moment.

But of course, if that's what you're going for, the storyteller kinda thing, no offence. I just don't like it  :D

Offline rik

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Re: literary work; Finding an audience
« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2011, 12:43:43 PM »
I highly recommend Lovely Bones, great read.

I like your story, I want to know the rest but, I agree about the POV, I need a face, I have no idea if this is a few or many, gender etc. As for time frame I don't care, I like timelessness, it reflects my own life. I get the feeling this could be a good read, it drew me in right away. I felt it was a derelict building.
Keep going :)

Offline BBBlogger

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Re: Re: literary work; Finding an audience
« Reply #4 on: April 24, 2011, 03:41:33 PM »
This drew me in, also, leaving me wanting to read more. I agree with the above posters.. I need a character to empathize with at least. The story seems like a good one once fleshed out a bit more.

I have read Lovely Bones. I found it quite different from anything I've read before.

Offline jvk1120

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Re: literary work; Finding an audience
« Reply #5 on: April 25, 2011, 12:28:02 AM »
They all wept like babies the moment they’d
swallowed the rat poison they passed around in a circle.



Sorry, perhaps this will come off as harsh...but to start with the word they three times in the first two lines, and adding a cliche such as 'wept like babies' this had my guard up immediately...when i saw it continued I could read no more.

I don't think it's too literary, I think it's too unfinished.

Offline Butterfly21

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Re: literary work; Finding an audience
« Reply #6 on: April 25, 2011, 12:38:46 AM »
 :D I didn't realise before cos I sort of skimmed it the first time I read it
But you use so many they references more than like once or twice in one sentence. Insane.

I agree with jvk1120.

Offline creatoriat

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Re: literary work; Finding an audience
« Reply #7 on: April 25, 2011, 04:37:00 AM »
You should consider what you wish to impart to the reader.

I saw nothing here.

Offline ablelaz

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Re: literary work; Finding an audience
« Reply #8 on: April 25, 2011, 10:39:04 AM »
Hi jwatson300011 --- It’s the reference that this is a prologue, that I most object to. A prologue is used to introduce a story, it should be short and contain information that is crucial to the reader understanding the setting or conditions that lead up to the story.

How a group of morons sitting around in a circle, drinking rat poison could possibly introduce anything is beyond this old puppies imagination.
 
Perhaps you could present it as a conclusion, it dose seem to be an ending.

Talk to you soon----ablelaz.     

Offline BBBlogger

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Re: literary work; Finding an audience
« Reply #9 on: April 25, 2011, 11:12:52 AM »
Hi jwatson300011 --- It’s the reference that this is a prologue, that I most object to. A prologue is used to introduce a story, I see this as a possible prologue. Maybe one of them survives and goes on to tell the story. it should be short and contain information that is crucial to the reader understanding the setting or conditions that lead up to the story.

How a group of morons-- a harsh word. I don't see them as morons. I see them as troubled souls who were likely duped by a leader of some sort. sitting around in a circle, drinking rat poison could possibly introduce anything is beyond this old puppies imagination.
 
Perhaps you could present it as a conclusion, it dose = does seem to be an ending.

Talk to you soon----ablelaz.     


Offline jvk1120

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Re: literary work; Finding an audience
« Reply #10 on: April 25, 2011, 02:28:42 PM »
if there's any lesson learned here it is this:

Don't claim your work might be "too literary"


let others decide!