Author Topic: Red Tears  (Read 1701 times)

Offline actpoet1

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Red Tears
« on: August 05, 2006, 12:35:13 AM »
I paced down Providence Avenue in Chester, PA. Stopped in an ally.
A homeless woman like a dirty question mark on the street.
I drew her mark with my index finger, then went to clutch it to my heart
but the brands “Poco” and “Fubu” tagged

on a disheveled train screeching by shattered that moment. I turned.
My left hand extended toward the smog-bruised sky, and I cut
its mark into two parts with my index and middle finger.

I pressed these parts against my chest. My hands
cupped my face as I realized I have no mark.
I leaned down to my left, rip my fingernail

across the sidewalk. Red tears,
my index finger wept,
tagged the cement.
Write on,

actpoet1

If you want, click on the link below and walk into my mind. My name is in the middle on the right.

http://users.skynet.be/spier/argoboatbruce.htm

wizard7wolf

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Re: Red Tears
« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2006, 05:47:57 AM »
I have no idea what that was about but I liked it
Please explain  ;D ;D

Offline actpoet1

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Re: Red Tears
« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2006, 04:19:35 PM »
Well, it's about the narrator feeling as if he doesn't exist because he's has "no mark" like the homeless woman, the train, and the smog-bruised sky. And because of that, he has to wound himself (on a deeper level, exist in the world through his pain) so someone will notice him. Poeple who self-mutilate and who are suicidal people have this line of thinking.

Hope that helps. 
Write on,

actpoet1

If you want, click on the link below and walk into my mind. My name is in the middle on the right.

http://users.skynet.be/spier/argoboatbruce.htm

Offline Bryn

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Re: Red Tears
« Reply #3 on: August 06, 2006, 06:41:21 PM »
Yeah, a very lovely one this. Although your previous comment made me wonder about the relationship between the poet and the the things he sees. Surely the woman is leaving her mark by her very form/shape? it is this form that the poetic voice tries to immitate and emulate but fails to, until the end. The train too is marked/'tagged' with logos and which in turn leave their 'mark' very clearly upon the narrator's thoughts. Just a thought, doesn't really affect the poem, but if you were thinking along different lines i thought you might want to know that on that point the poem seems ambiguous.

But on the whole i'd say its a succinct exploration of a feeling that many will identify with, and i'm very glad to see you continue to resist the melodrama that so many writer's believe is a necessity in poetry. I wouldn't say your use of language in this poem is quite up to your usual standard, but none the less, good work i think.

Bryn

wizard7wolf

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Re: Red Tears
« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2006, 04:19:30 AM »
Now I get it  ;D
Good stuff

Offline "lorraineofkeli"

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Re: Red Tears
« Reply #5 on: August 07, 2006, 07:05:06 AM »
I love the semantics you conjure up -at least in my head.  It's full of signs to me and I like that it's written in an unusual style; makes the reader assess it from a distance in order to take it in. nice one  :) Love the title too.

Offline go.dot

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Re: Red Tears
« Reply #6 on: August 07, 2006, 10:12:22 AM »
Quote
A homeless woman like a dirty question mark on the street
that is a powerful mental image

The concept brings both real and abstract together well. I like the structure, it's suitably staggered. Best of all, it provokes thought


kthanxbai

Offline actpoet1

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Re: Red Tears
« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2006, 02:30:36 PM »
To all, thanks for the comments. At times I think I just should focus on my screenwriting, but after reading your comments, I again believe my work has merit.

Write on,

actpoet1

If you want, click on the link below and walk into my mind. My name is in the middle on the right.

http://users.skynet.be/spier/argoboatbruce.htm