Author Topic: One Minute Screenplay - The Hourglass.  (Read 10976 times)

Offline ChipTee

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One Minute Screenplay - The Hourglass.
« on: July 29, 2006, 05:54:14 AM »
First, thanks for this board Mods and Rockers. It should be good.

This is an effort at a one minute film, a bit weird, it was written as the outcome of a day course I did in London (NPA/ScreenLab) for one minute scripts. Some of the formatting is lost in the copy/paste procedure- dialogue should be page centered.

Hope someone likes it.
Chip
(The Hourglass copywrite Chip Tee)


THE HOURGLASS

FADE IN

INT. AN HOURGLASS ON A TABLE - MORNING

Sand is running through an hourglass seen in close up. Gentle music matches the steady flow. Neither the top nor the bottom of the glass can be seen.

FATHER
(o/s)
Sand runs and measures time.

The sand flows faster, the music keeping pace. Red, orange, black and yellow sands flow through the glass.

CHILD
(o/s)
When will my egg be ready, Daddy?
MIX TO


EXT.   A BEACH - CONTINUOUS

The beach stretches for miles with high dunes on its landward side, a wind blows eddies across the sand, small crabs scuttle past. A slipslop sound of someone walking over loose sand is heard off camera.
A vortex develops spinning in the loose sand, sucking in sand to disappear into a deep revolving hole. The musicís rhythm spins at pace.
MIX TO


INT.   GIANT HOURGLASS - CONTINUOUS

A child wearing slipslops stands looking with rapt attention at the sand flowing through the massive glass. He holds an ever-filling plastic beach bucket under the open bottomed glass collecting an unending flow of sand.

CHILD
I want to eat my egg, Daddy. Tell it to stop.

FATHER
(o/s)
Time goes on forever, Son.

FADE OUT

Offline Technofear

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Re: One Minute Screenplay - The Hourglass.
« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2006, 09:03:39 AM »
I like it. thirer's some beautful subtext and visual imagery in there.

Offline ChipTee

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Re: One Minute Screenplay - The Hourglass.
« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2006, 10:52:31 AM »
Thanks for that Technofear.
I'll have a read of your scene and get back later.
Chip

Offline matsamu

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Re: One Minute Screenplay - The Hourglass.
« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2006, 01:01:19 PM »
Short and meaningful. I think you should have a slight bit more dialouge, but that's just because I like to hear voices...well, the voices tell me i like to hear voices, but I sense something suspicious going on there...
*pop* That was my head. It just got blown.

Offline Matthew

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Re: One Minute Screenplay - The Hourglass.
« Reply #4 on: July 29, 2006, 06:14:14 PM »
Your content is fine and really imaginative.

You FADE IN should have a colon after it (FADE IN:), the same with MIX TO.

It's standard to have any kind of crossfade be marked with a FADE TO:, not MIX TO:.

Sand is running through an hourglass seen in close up. Gentle music matches the steady flow. Neither the top nor the bottom of the glass can be seen.

This is the standard format:

CLOSE-UP: Sand running through a hourglass. Neither top nor bottom of the glass is shown.

CUE UP: Gentle music.


One more thing. When noting things like off-screen and voice-over, this is the format:

FATHER (o/s)
SON (v/o)


This is so extra emotion can be added into the brackets below the name.

FATHER (o/s)
(screaming)
I hate green eggs and ham!


:) I hope this helps.
Matthew Dryden
http://www.drytherain.net/

Offline ChipTee

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Re: One Minute Screenplay - The Hourglass.
« Reply #5 on: July 31, 2006, 05:25:41 AM »
Matthew - thanks our points, every bit of guidance on the detail is helpful. As you may guess my scriptwriting is done on the outer fringes of the business.
So far I think this board is working well and giving good guidance.
Chip

Offline matsamu

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Re: One Minute Screenplay - The Hourglass.
« Reply #6 on: July 31, 2006, 10:19:28 AM »
in that case, why not have a special sticky that tells all the exact wording and procedure so that whoever wants to post a script here reads that and knows the rules to writing an actual script
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Offline gub2000

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Re: One Minute Screenplay - The Hourglass.
« Reply #7 on: August 05, 2006, 06:39:10 AM »
Chip, I really liked the imagery of your piece. This is a neat concept - the people who live in the hourglass. It reminded me of the last episode of 'St. Elsewhere' when it's revealed the doctor's son had imagined the entire show taking place in a snow globe he always stared into.

I agree with Matsmu, except I think it could go bigger than a single sticky post. There could easily be an entire board dedicated to the mechanics of script writing and script writing in general.

gub2000
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Offline custard

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Re: One Minute Screenplay - The Hourglass.
« Reply #8 on: August 05, 2006, 08:35:24 AM »
This is a link to a BBC website. On the left hand side, look for 'script smart'. This will take you to a page where your able to download the script smart program for free. This is a script formating tool that works in 'Word'. It's the one i've been using and find it very useful. 
           http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/
http://blog.myspace.com/sympathykill

Offline kilter

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Re: One Minute Screenplay - The Hourglass.
« Reply #9 on: August 05, 2006, 11:45:26 AM »
Cool! Thanks Custard! :)
-I can't tolerate fools, most likely because I am one.
-Writing is a long winding road, but every curve has its worthwhile view!

Offline wileygrrl

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Re: One Minute Screenplay - The Hourglass.
« Reply #10 on: August 05, 2006, 12:15:27 PM »
I have no experience reading screenplays but i did like the visual effect i felt here.
Find a career you love and you'll never work a day in your life.

I don't work. I write.
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Offline eric

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Re: One Minute Screenplay - The Hourglass.
« Reply #11 on: August 06, 2006, 08:27:06 PM »
Righto Chip about thanks to the mods.  I guess, uh, I, uh, don't really like the "Hourglass" too much.  What is the message, that the world is just one big hourglass?  Or that we all have to wait for our eggs like clams do?  I guess I just don't Get It, old bean.

e.

Offline ChipTee

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Re: One Minute Screenplay - The Hourglass.
« Reply #12 on: August 07, 2006, 05:35:48 AM »
Hi there, Eric. I wouldn't pretend there is any deep meaning in The Hourglass. As I said in the introduction to the posting it was an exercise to round off a day long course in London last year about one minute scripts.

Yes, of course I revised it later before submitting it back to the tutor (who liked it).

But hang on a minute. World events, perhaps the two 'Bs', yours and ours, might just ponder that when you let something go - a dog from a lead, turnover a timer - you can't always control the consequence.

Perhaps not.

Regards, Chip

Offline eric

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Re: One Minute Screenplay - The Hourglass.
« Reply #13 on: August 07, 2006, 12:36:17 PM »
There you go, Chip.  I knew there wasz some deep meaning --- I just wasn't seeing it!   8)

Best, Eric