Author Topic: Reviews welcombed  (Read 2708 times)

Offline janec

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 12
    • View Profile
Reviews welcombed
« on: January 24, 2006, 06:22:49 PM »
A Dad

A Dad is selfless
Gives what he has
his love
his time
his energy
his possessions
his hopes
his dreams

He rejoices
at your pleasures
your successess
your achievements

He gives support
to your sorrows
your failures
your lossess


So - what do ya think guys?

Offline Foxy

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1935
  • Yaar
    • View Profile
Re: Reviews welcombed
« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2006, 10:44:51 AM »
I think that you love your dad.

And being a dad myself I can only say that I agree wholeheartedly with everything your poem says... :)
« Last Edit: January 27, 2006, 03:07:20 PM by Foxy »
My novel, Trinity, available from Amazon.
UK http://tinyurl.com/7fq8rzt  US http://tinyurl.com/7ecvkom

Blog: One Loose Cannon http://wp.me/2fgNI

Book Covers and artwork: http://patrickfox.crevado.com/

Twitter: http://twitter.com/PatrickFox_

SuzieHarris

  • Guest
Re: Reviews welcombed
« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2006, 11:05:22 AM »
It's lovely.

You should try submitting it to greeting card publishers.

Suzie

Offline Nick

  • Nick Daws
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5920
  • Retired from running MWC but still writing!
    • View Profile
    • Entrepreneur Writer
Re: Reviews welcombed
« Reply #3 on: January 26, 2006, 12:38:48 PM »
It's lovely.

You should try submitting it to greeting card publishers.

Suzie

I have written some greeting card verse, and I agree that the first part of this poem could work in this context. Unfortunately I think the last four lines are a bit negative in tone for a greeting card, however.

If you wanted to try the greeting card market with this, I would suggest deleting the last four lines and replacing them with something a bit more positive. Maybe something like:

He's always there
to pick you up
when you fall
and set you
on your feet again.

Every day
I am so glad
you are my Dad!

OK, that's a bit corny but it's a bit more upbeat, and that's what the greeting card market wants!

Nick
Check out my writing blog at www.entrepreneurwriter.net. I also have a new UK personal finance blog called Pounds and Sense.

SuzieHarris

  • Guest
Re: Reviews welcombed
« Reply #4 on: January 26, 2006, 01:14:13 PM »
Nick,

I didn't know you did 'corny'? You live and learn, huh  :P

Offline janec

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 12
    • View Profile
Re: Reviews welcombed
« Reply #5 on: January 26, 2006, 07:20:59 PM »
Nick, Suzie and Foxy - what a debate - to greeting cardsville or not

Not I think - this was merely a ditty I wrote for my dear Dad, from the heart it ain't going in no greeting card from my hand - but you guys feel free - whatever you like.

Nick is our work copyright protected on this site?

Not that I am planning on any great ventures or anything

I have a very sinister poem I will dig out for you to review - not sure where I put it now, but oh it's grim reality

C Ya

Offline Nick

  • Nick Daws
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5920
  • Retired from running MWC but still writing!
    • View Profile
    • Entrepreneur Writer
Re: Reviews welcombed
« Reply #6 on: January 27, 2006, 03:58:06 AM »
Nick is our work copyright protected on this site?


Of course, neither I nor WCCL will lay claim to any work posted on this site.

As regards copyright generally, I'm no lawyer, but my understanding is that, under international conventions, any piece of writing longer than a sentence or two is automatically protected by copyright. The fact that a piece of writing has been published on the net does NOT make it public property.

Obviously, if you have a really hot idea for a Hollywood movie (say), I would not advise posting it here because of the risk that someone may steal it. In general, however, you should be quite safe posting poems, stories and novel extracts.

Hope that helps,

Nick

Check out my writing blog at www.entrepreneurwriter.net. I also have a new UK personal finance blog called Pounds and Sense.

Offline janec

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 12
    • View Profile
Re: Reviews welcombed
« Reply #7 on: January 27, 2006, 02:27:20 PM »
thanks for that - can't see myself creating the block buster - tho