Author Topic: my first poetry posting - The Virtue Behind Speech  (Read 2126 times)

Offline jjsakb

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my first poetry posting - The Virtue Behind Speech
« on: January 24, 2006, 06:19:30 PM »
The Virtue Behind Speech         Jeff Olson

Each moment has many expressions
Expressionless, each moment exits.
The effort to exist in each moment,
Is an effort of feeling, not will,
Nor thinking, which hastens towards endings,
And ‘nexts’ and ‘what if’s and ‘if only’s.
Each moment, so rich in its content,
A package with endless insides
Presénts its présents in silence,
A silence from which we make words.

Offline janec

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Re: my first poetry posting - The Virtue Behind Speech
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2006, 06:32:32 PM »
It just feels like you might be trying too hard - give your thoughts simple words - being too cryptic sometimes loses the intended meaning but hey all poetry is cool - and now you're published on the net!!

Lin

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Re: my first poetry posting - The Virtue Behind Speech
« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2006, 08:05:14 AM »
As a poet myself I like to use the KISS system, I did feel with this that Keeping it more simple would have made it easier for me to read, but I do understand what you are trying to express and you do have the ability to express well, I thought it was just difficult for me to take in first time around.

Lin

Offline amylake

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Re: my first poetry posting - The Virtue Behind Speech
« Reply #3 on: January 26, 2006, 10:26:55 AM »
I think this is brilliant.  Complex and original.  Like Lin, I read through it several times trying to grasp what you were saying, which is fine - new meanings appeared with every read-through.  The last sentence is a beautiful, simple pay-off.

Amy

Offline Symphony

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Re: my first poetry posting - The Virtue Behind Speech
« Reply #4 on: January 26, 2006, 10:31:52 AM »
Wow!

I'm not sure what I expected but after the first two lines realised that this poem was going to take a bit more than a 'run-through' so I immediately went back and started reading again - more slowly!

I love it - some wonderful thoughts in there and beautifully (and cleverly) expressed

Symphony