Author Topic: Continuation to my 'testing out' piece  (Read 5624 times)

Offline "lorraineofkeli"

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Re: Continuation to my 'testing out' piece
« Reply #15 on: July 23, 2006, 03:38:06 PM »
The whizzing (or peeing) in the bath is what the young Darren did because his mother scared him so much. maybe i should go into more depth at how she's handling him. i had a very vivid picture of this distraught woman actually taking her boy into the (empty) bath with her and actually scratching his skin deeply & painfully (as she was doing with her own skin)  I know now that I should describe it more because it was a lot stronger in my head.

If I describe it as it would be viewed by the young Darren (i.e. her manic eyes, her straggly greasy hair flapping about as she shook him and scratched deep into him,  the cries and pleas from Darren as he tries to bring her to the real world - but she isn't there, she's like an animal in distress..)    Thank you for bringing it to my attention.. I think I must have been in a rush to just get something written down.
I'll work on it more tonight.. oh and by the way I actually wrote this story with pen and paper! (I've mentioned previously I'm stuck with only managing to write on the computer now.. maybe this is a good sign)  ;)

Offline Tyger

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Re: Continuation to my 'testing out' piece
« Reply #16 on: July 23, 2006, 03:48:40 PM »
If I describe it as it would be viewed by the young Darren (i.e. her manic eyes, her straggly greasy hair flapping about as she shook him and scratched deep into him,  the cries and pleas from Darren as he tries to bring her to the real world - but she isn't there, she's like an animal in distress..)    Thank you for bringing it to my attention.. I think I must have been in a rush to just get something written down.



OK now see, this already helps me a lot, just those few words. I can feel it now. And I can see his desperate weirdness.
Yes, please write that out. I think it will be great.

Tyger