Author Topic: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?  (Read 745640 times)

Offline simond

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #315 on: March 20, 2007, 12:25:42 PM »
Did you mean Allie or me? Sam Ryan? Who's the author?

I meant you, dear.  Sam Ryan's a character from a TV show called Silent Witness that is based on novels by Nigel McCrery.  Ryan, like Allie, is Irish.

Offline angelscribe

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #316 on: March 20, 2007, 12:27:41 PM »
Okay. I do my research. But that first line was for Allie's book. I've posted my seven already. I have two more left, Simond. I never heard of Silent Witness.
My real name is Kristen. Please call me Kris.

Offline simond

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #317 on: March 20, 2007, 12:30:01 PM »
Maybe we can do a round robin of writing this together under your  name Allie.

I thought we were writing this together?

Offline angelscribe

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #318 on: March 20, 2007, 12:33:29 PM »
Yes we are. But I let you do the research on medical examiners. I have no clue on where to start. It's just you me and Allie. Who else? Who want to start? What's your first name Simond? I'm Kris.
My real name is Kristen. Please call me Kris.

Offline simond

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #319 on: March 20, 2007, 12:37:57 PM »
I'm Simon.  Nice to virtually meet you.  I always think the fewer cooks the better.  In real life I work for a college in the UK and my only knowledge of medical practice comes from research I conducted for my crime novel. What do you do in real life?

Offline angelscribe

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #320 on: March 20, 2007, 01:08:06 PM »
I'm unemployed and looking for work. I guess we can arrange it. Email or PM me the details for this novel in mind. We need a title, characters, research, Allie to chip in, location and setting, etc. We can work out the details before we write. We also need a genre Simon?
My real name is Kristen. Please call me Kris.

Offline Allie

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #321 on: March 20, 2007, 02:12:59 PM »
I don't know what's happening to my posts. I posted my ideas as to why the girl is dissecting the body and they haven't come up. It must be something I'm doing. I'm a complete nontechie. I'll have to try to remember them.

I said that she could be dissecting an animal's body rather than a human's
She could be looking for jewels hidden in the body (having taken it from a graveyard)
She could be cutting it up to make it easier to hide the fact that she'd murdered it
She could be an alien trying to find out what humans are made of
 :o

Offline angelscribe

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #322 on: March 20, 2007, 02:16:02 PM »
Good ideas. She can be a pre-vet student, wanting to be a veternarian.  For number two, she could be a medical examiner working with the cops. For number three, she could be the murder of animals like jewel or drug smuggling. For number four, we're got science fiction here. Simon, what do you think? Which one do you want to work with Allie? Nontechie?
My real name is Kristen. Please call me Kris.

Offline angelscribe

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more? FFEDBACK FORUM
« Reply #323 on: March 20, 2007, 04:32:27 PM »
 Here's my crit. Hope this helps.
Topic Summary
Posted on: Today at 17:28:52Posted by: cheriker 
Insert Quote
OK, here's mine.  Be firm but kind.


It was not the sort of day one would imagine for a funeral.  The sky should have been heavy with clouds.  It should have been pouring rain.  Instead, the morning sky was a clear, China blue, a hue that could only be found in Carolina in the early spring.  How was it possible to bury her father on such a radiant day?

But then no one besides Emma knew he'd been murdered.


Reply from Lin

I liked this it grabbed me but I do think you should put the last paragraph together with the first para.   eg

 


It was not the sort of day one would imagine for a funeral.  The sky should have been heavy with clouds.  It should have been pouring rain.  Instead, the morning sky was a clear, China blue, a hue that could only be found in Carolina in the early spring.  How was it possible to bury her father on such a radiant day? But then no one besides Emma knew he'd been murdered.

I wanted more

Lin

This is good. I would have to agree with Lin on her suggestion. I loved how you set the scenery for this picture. You're off to a good start.



 

 

Quote
My real name is Kristen. Please call me Kris.

Offline Allie

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #324 on: March 20, 2007, 04:51:08 PM »
I actually wrote a poem on this idea once. How's that for the universal mind, no new ideas, etc.?  :)


A Fine Day

It should have been raining.
It always is in the movies -
Very useful for hiding the mourners’ tears.
It should have been raining,
But the day was fine and dry,
So I smiled and pretended it was the sun
Making my eyes water,
Acted as if this were an ordinary day
And I just somehow happened to come here
Mistaking it for a park.
I could easily have done that, you know.
There were children, even though they were a bit subdued,
As if tired out from playing.
And the flowers were all so beautiful,
Even though they, too, were dying. 
It should have been raining,
The very sky should have been crying.
But instead
There was only the cold, cold sunshine
Pouring desolation on my head.




Offline angelscribe

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #325 on: March 20, 2007, 04:54:11 PM »
Allie,
I actually wrote a poem on this idea once. How's that for the universal mind, no new ideas, etc.?  :)


A Fine Day

It should have been raining.
It always is in the movies -
Very useful for hiding the mourners’ tears.
It should have been raining,
But the day was fine and dry,
So I smiled and pretended it was the sun
Making my eyes water,
Acted as if this were an ordinary day
And I just somehow happened to come here
Mistaking it for a park.
I could easily have done that, you know.
There were children, even though they were a bit subdued,
As if tired out from playing.
And the flowers were all so beautiful,
Even though they, too, were dying. 
It should have been raining,
The very sky should have been crying.
But instead
There was only the cold, cold sunshine
Pouring desolation on my head.




Quote

This isn't bad for a poem. Have you published any poetry? I have here and there since 9/2005.
My real name is Kristen. Please call me Kris.

Offline Allie

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #326 on: March 20, 2007, 05:09:42 PM »
I have, Kris, when I was younger. I'm busy gathering a collection now.  :)

Offline Allie

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #327 on: March 20, 2007, 05:11:14 PM »
Hey, they just gave me another star. What can I get with that?  :)

Offline angelscribe

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #328 on: March 20, 2007, 05:15:53 PM »
Cool Allie. I have no idea. Good for you. Poetry book or chapbooks? I had no luck selling mine last year.
My real name is Kristen. Please call me Kris.

Offline Gyppo

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #329 on: March 20, 2007, 07:59:42 PM »
Hey, they just gave me another star. What can I get with that?  :)

It lets you move diagonally (between the queues) in Mucky D's, but they still put that hideous gherkin thing in your cheeseburger whether you want it or not ;-)

Gyppo
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1