Author Topic: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?  (Read 734565 times)

Offline Allie

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1049
Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #300 on: March 20, 2007, 10:47:15 AM »

She had never dissected a body before.

Offline angelscribe

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 552
Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #301 on: March 20, 2007, 10:57:01 AM »
She had never dissected a body before.


This is an interesting first line Allie. I think you can elaborate a little bit further, like a cadaver or a corpse. Not bad.
My real name is Kristen. Please call me Kris.

Offline simond

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 38
Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #302 on: March 20, 2007, 11:09:28 AM »
She had never dissected a body before.


Nice line.  I can see what you're going for, though I cannot help but think: why is a novice dissecting a body?

Offline Allie

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1049
Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #303 on: March 20, 2007, 11:43:25 AM »
Well, there you are, Simond, you're wondering already about it.

Offline simond

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 38
Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #304 on: March 20, 2007, 11:46:50 AM »
Well, there you are, Simond, you're wondering already about it.

So, why is she?

Offline Allie

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1049
Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #305 on: March 20, 2007, 11:59:18 AM »
Well, I've only got as far as the first line so far (I'm a slow writer), so I'm still wondering myself.  :) If you think you can make a story out of please feel free. I'd be interested to see what happens.

Offline angelscribe

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 552
Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #306 on: March 20, 2007, 12:03:45 PM »
Okay. What kind of genre are you aiming for? Give us some details like characters, location, etc. Maybe we can do a round robin of writing this together under your  name Allie.
My real name is Kristen. Please call me Kris.

Offline angelscribe

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 552
Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #307 on: March 20, 2007, 12:05:33 PM »
Ok, here goes.... :-\

Wrote this about 5 years ago - the start to my first book (that sounds good, does't it. ;D)

At the time it felt like a best-seller...  Now I'm not so sure.... :-\

Caitlin felt the dream long before it appeared; felt it but, as always, was powerless to stop it. Her heart began to pound, blood rushing through veins and arteries at an alarming rate. She struggled to wake. But the only thing her desperate thrashing served to do was tie her up more firmly in the sheets until in the end, her body, like her mind, was caught and held in the dreamís rigid grasp.

It began, as it always did, with a face in a mirror. Her face!

CATHY C

This is great Cathy.  I like it. Does anyone want to comment on my seven? I miss your crits Cathy.
My real name is Kristen. Please call me Kris.

Offline simond

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 38
Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #308 on: March 20, 2007, 12:05:54 PM »
Well, I've only got as far as the first line so far (I'm a slow writer), so I'm still wondering myself.  :) If you think you can make a story out of please feel free. I'd be interested to see what happens.

Sure thing. †The only reason I can see for somebody to dissect a body for the first time is if they were a student at medical school.

Offline angelscribe

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 552
Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #309 on: March 20, 2007, 12:08:17 PM »
i'll try something, remember this is not the real beginning but the pre-lude:

In pended with this intense notion of sadness ever since, well ever since I was six actually. It was a conundrum never seen before and never seen again. Why I was this way, what set this off? No one knows no one wanted to know. Until the day, I found out that I could never love, simply because my love was no more. Then everything fit together, why I had an inability to love, why I could not open up, simply why I was alone for al these years. This is I; I had no choice, no way out.

x
polexia

I think you can rephrase or rewrite the first line. Maybe reverse it. It's not a good hook for a prelude. But this is a good start for a romance told in first person Polexia.
My real name is Kristen. Please call me Kris.

Offline angelscribe

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 552
Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #310 on: March 20, 2007, 12:09:24 PM »
Sure thing.  The only reason I can see for somebody to dissect a body for the first time is if they were a student at medical school.
I would have to agree with Simond. Like someone who wanted to be a medical examiner or coroner.
My real name is Kristen. Please call me Kris.

Offline simond

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 38
Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #311 on: March 20, 2007, 12:13:19 PM »
I would have to agree with Simond. Like someone who wanted to be a medical examiner or coroner.

Yeah, or a mortician or pathologist.  I get the feeling an Anglo American collaberation may prove difficult regarding of terminology and procedure.

Offline angelscribe

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 552
Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #312 on: March 20, 2007, 12:17:05 PM »
I agree with you here Simond. Like Maura Isles from Tess Gerritsen's books or Kay Scarpetta from Patricia Cornwell.You might have to do research on that.
My real name is Kristen. Please call me Kris.

Offline simond

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 38
Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #313 on: March 20, 2007, 12:19:34 PM »
I agree with you here Simond. Like Maura Isles from Tess Gerritsen's books or Kay Scarpetta from Patricia Cornwell.You might have to do research on that.

Hey, what about Sam Ryan?† Maybe you need to do the research? ;)

Offline angelscribe

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 552
Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #314 on: March 20, 2007, 12:21:27 PM »
Did you mean Allie or me? Sam Ryan? Who's the author?
My real name is Kristen. Please call me Kris.