All are interesting. Thought I'd take Cathy's version of UG another step. Hope no one minds.
Quote:I had settled, I knew that. I wasn't stupid, but where the hell was that punch in the chest I was told I should expect? The melting of limbs, the kiss that would take my breath away and leave me wanting more?
Hell! Sometimes I hate Hollywood!
Comments: No quote marks if thinking/internal thoughts, unless thinking out loud. Is this part of a dialogue? Then quote marks are in.
I'd remove the second "hell" because it is in such close proximity to the first, which tames them being together like that. The punch of one hell fits the word punch used following hell.
I'd remove the "Sometimes" from "Sometimes, I hate Hollywood." Why? Well, I think now is one of those times and while in that mood the sometime would drop away because the emotion is strong at the moment. It can be recanted later to be sometimes if it is an important point. Also, the word "sometimes" is a weak word to put here. Try it without: "I hate Hollywood" is much stronger and the first sentence warrants the strong last sentence.
Just ideas. I could be totally wrong.
Yep, way over the top on spur of the moment writing. I bow to your skill! And, yes I would read further.
Nadine