Once, when I was nine, I blew up a cow with an industrial air pump. I tried it in its mouth first, but I couldn't wiggle the tube down. Silly cow kept coughing an' chewing the rubber. So I tried down the other end, which worked brilliantly. I'm not ashamed. I pretended to be ashamed at that juvenile court thingy - but I wasn't really. In fact, in me 'ead, I was proud. When the judge said I was depraved, stupid me, I started laughin'. An' the more I laughed, the crosser he got, till I thought he'd explode like that ol' cow done. My name is Gloria Groans, an' I don't like girls with long hair.
The opening lines to, The Twinkling Green, my first attempt at writing a novel. It's an 80,000 word adventure story for kids aged 8-12. It's all but finished, only, I've been wondering about ... 1001 things actually, including, changing the opening.
Perhaps this is a better start.
In the living room of number 56 Bolton Avenue, the blood was still fresh on the carpet. Gloria had tried her best to mop it up with a sponge and a bowl of soapy water, but the more she scrubbed, the futrher the blood spread, till the stain was as pink as her slippers.
Are these sentences too long for comfort?
Any and all opinions on my 'openings' would be ever so welcome.
Thanks, Johnny