Author Topic: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?  (Read 762045 times)

Offline marcus redgrave

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #960 on: May 26, 2009, 01:51:08 PM »
Let me try....

Perched high on the crest of a grassy hill, encircled by trees and a vast roaming meadow, the man glared at the pale woman trudging toward him.  Clad in an ashen cloak, the bearded man clenched a white staff with his long bony fingers.  Amid forceful screams that seemed to have swallowed up the howl of the wind, he flailed his rod wildly in the air.

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #961 on: May 26, 2009, 02:50:00 PM »
Marcus, I'm one of those readers that has a hard time judging by one paragraph. But I can say this one would have me reading on the the next to see what was about to happen.
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Offline rlsquires

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #962 on: May 26, 2009, 04:03:22 PM »
Here's my opening from a scifi novel underway.

Today was the twentieth anniversary of her parents’ death, and she hadn’t once been to their gravesite. Not that she hadn’t tried. They lay buried somewhere in a mass grave hidden by the wind and sand of the expanding Sahara.

Many who survived the horror of the pandemic underwent Extinction Therapy. That’s what they called the painless procedure to kill a painful memory. A micro-shock simply erased the neurons storing the emotional context of the targeted event. She’d recall only the facts and forget the flood of tears that came from her gut-wrenching loss.

Offline misaditas

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #963 on: May 26, 2009, 04:26:58 PM »
Not a critical comment, but I like that. Retcon. Coolness.
"If you take the shackles off your imagination, you can go anywhere with science fiction." ~ Lani Tupu

misadventures in time and space

Offline Lavisa

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #964 on: May 26, 2009, 04:27:10 PM »
ohhh! I'll have a go... this is the opening to my war novel

Sobs wracked through my pathetic body as I concentrated on putting one numb foot in front of the other. The rough canvas bag felt like a millstone in my hand as I made my way through the mud, the tacky ground threatening to unbalance me with every step. Cold clung to my bones, the thin layer of clothes absorbing the rain that raced down to meet me. Water soaked through my hair, collecting at a point before dripping onto my face, mingling with the sweat and tears.
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Offline marcus redgrave

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #965 on: May 26, 2009, 07:40:03 PM »
Thank you Country4Gal! ;D

Offline misaditas

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #966 on: May 26, 2009, 07:50:24 PM »
Marcus... is it possible to use a different word than "rod"?

Because it is a good paragraph, but that threw me out as it wasn't his staff that I could see him waving about...... Though perhaps that's just me and the dodgy stuff that I read  :-[
"If you take the shackles off your imagination, you can go anywhere with science fiction." ~ Lani Tupu

misadventures in time and space

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #967 on: May 26, 2009, 08:25:35 PM »
Maybe this makes me a Hemingway fanboy, but I like the beginnings of any great thing (let's assume for an instant my writing is anywhere close to 'great') to start out short and simple.  Also, I find triviality to be a nice touch but that's just me; sometimes darting right into the thick of things makes for a one dimensional narrator.  And despite whether your narrator is in the story or not, it is always necessary that he/she/it has as much dimensionality as any other character.  It's my theory that the main character of a book is ALWAYS the narrator.  I know that sounds strange at first especially, for third-person writers, but I think a perfect example of this is Tolkein--one of the most personable narrators ever and never was his narrator a contributing character in the events of his stories. 

Anyway, here's the start of what I've been working on, The Dead and the Dying:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

   I am a tree.  It has taken me many years of eavesdropping on passersby to learn how to say that.  I now know how to say it in thirteen different languages.  There's Soy un árbol as the Spanish would say it.  There's the German Ich bin ein Baum or, of course, the Dutch relative Ik ben een boom.  And then there's one of my favorites, the Finnish Olen puu.  I think it's the simplicity of it.  Olen puu.  It just sort of rolls off the tongue.

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What I'm trying to elucidate here is the main character's main personal trait:  He is a connoisseur.  He is the great trier, the master taster of all that is.  The main conflict is when he tries something and wants more, more than just a sample, if you will.

Offline Cheerie

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #968 on: May 26, 2009, 11:36:56 PM »
Okay folks! Here's the opening of my book (Argh!) Be gentle... and thanks in advance!

(Title:)   "That Bear Ate My Pants"

pants n.pl. Brit. Undergarment for lower trunk; underpants, knickers. (ooh la la!)

bear n. large, heavy mammal that walks on the soles of its feet with thick fur and a very short tail. Omnivorous. (ie will eat anything. No matter how disgusting.)

   It’s true.
   A bear really did eat my pants. Luckily I wasn’t wearing them at the time, or this book would be called “That Bear Ate My Balls and My Ass” (not to mention my legs and feet), and I’d probably be writing it from hospital.


Offline rlsquires

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #969 on: May 27, 2009, 08:36:45 AM »
Very funny :-) Nice start to my day, as well as your book!

Offline Andrewf

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #970 on: May 27, 2009, 04:19:31 PM »
Ma...  this one's your fault.. ;D ;D


Quote
The phone clamoured for attention with a strident ringing that jangled the nerves.
"What?" Floyd Alpine demanded of the caller.
"Mr Alpine, I think you'd better come down to the floor," the tinny voice was apologetic. "I think we may have a problem."
"If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion." - L. Long.

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Offline Swampfox one

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #971 on: May 27, 2009, 04:40:30 PM »
I like that Andy but what does it have to do with your time machine? ??? ???

Offline celtic_dancer

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #972 on: May 27, 2009, 06:01:43 PM »
Random idea bouncing around in my head...

It had been weeks, but the fear was still there. It grew larger every day, like a parasite curled in her belly that chilled her to the marrow of her bones. She wanted to tell someone, just one person, but every time she opened her mouth to try, the fear was there, closing her throat, suffocating her.
It clutched the secret that she couldn't possibly share. But it was only a matter of time.

Offline rlsquires

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #973 on: May 27, 2009, 07:54:16 PM »
Well done!

Offline ma100

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #974 on: May 27, 2009, 08:06:47 PM »
Random idea bouncing around in my head...

It had been weeks, but the fear was still there. It grew larger every day, like a parasite curled in her belly that chilled her to the marrow of her bones. She wanted to tell someone, just one person, but every time she opened her mouth to try, the fear was there, closing her throat, suffocating her.
It clutched the secret that she couldn't possibly share. But it was only a matter of time.

Look at the above and see where your words could be more powerful.

The fear grew with each passing day, like a parasite curled in her belly...(suggestion hope it helps