Oh, you've put me on the spot now
Ok, (deep breath):
The image of the spaceship docking, set the scene very well. I know up front that this is SF.
Um, now the bad news.
He watched the shuttle bay doors slide smoothly aside before him, and then deftly nudged the pod into the bay with small movements of the controls before he engaged the docking clamps to hold it securely.
With a sigh of released tension, he unstrapped himself from his seat and floated free for a moment before guiding himself over to the airlock and beginning its cycle.
These two sentences are a bit long. For the first paragraph I would prefer to see shorter sentences to set a pace that will sweep me into the story, before slowing down and settling into a steady rhythum.
I found myself balking a little when I reached the last few words of the final sentence:
...and remembered how he had joined the project eight years before.
At this point I'm thinking I'm in for a lecture full of facts which I'm going to have to try to remember because they are sure to be important to the plot.
You've done something similar on the other novel opening:
His betrothal to Princess Orlinia, daughter of King Ulrich of the West Country, as a foundation of an alliance of their two kingdoms.
- that is a lot of information to swallow in one chunk.
Instead, in the opening paragraphs, I'd prefer to be asking myself "why's he done that?"; "What's going to happen next?"; "Where's he going"; "Who's that?"....questions that will keep me reading to find out the answers.
Um, hope that helps.
luvwriting
