First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?

[Gyppo]

I'm just trying to avoid a contrived opening, one that kinda screams at the reader/browser: 'I wrote this weird opening because you're a brain-dead twonk whose attention I need to lasso within three words.' 

Stop worrying about what the readers may think you thought about them.  You're selling them a story, not your soul.  if the story's good enough they won't even notice the man who wrote it.

Seriously.

Gyppo

[SteveJ]

Then do so.  And do it so well that people have to read it.

I'd love to, Mr G, but seeing as my main protagonists end up dead, it's a little difficult.
And I don't want to go down the road of using a 'journal' to tell the story in retrospect, as it were

Stop worrying about what the readers may think you thought about them.  You're selling them a story, not your soul.  if the story's good enough they won't even notice the man who wrote it.

Yep, good advice, mate, thank you

[Gyppo]

Ah, the dead narrator problem ;-)    Not insurmountable, but it doea always seem contrived.  Acceptable in a short story, but not so much in a novel.

Gyppo

[rewh2oman]

but seeing as my main protagonists end up dead

you must have some supporting characters? there in lies your answer.

...russ

[Orpheus]

Ah . . . that difficult first line.

What about the other 100,000 words? What do you do if they're all gob-shite as well?

[Gyppo]

Ah . . . that difficult first line.

What about the other 100,000 words? What do you do if they're all gob-shite as well?

Statistically that's pretty unlikely.  But if so, you write another and better book.  If you are still consistently writing gob-shite after several hundred thousand words then perhaps writing really isn't your thing.

Gyppo

[Orpheus]

If you are still consistently writing gob-shite after several hundred thousand words then perhaps writing really isn't your thing.

My favourite quote on MWC to date. Thanks Gyppo. Perhaps we should pass this on to a number of published authors I could mention (and I'm sure you know a few as well). 

[ma100]

Ok I am toying with the idea of making this my opening paragraph to The Meek Inheritance. Is it ok or total crap?

Water cascaded through the half open windows.  Dark murky torrents, sucking in fish, rats and reeds, at least, that's what she wanted to believe.  Resting her gaze on the terrified face, swallowing, spluttering, gasping for air, unable to move in his watery four wheeled tomb, she tilted her head, fascinated. The bulge of his eyes and gulping mouth put her in mind of the Bream, Gudgeon and Chub her dad showed her when she was small. 'He was a good dad, unlike you, he deserved kids.'

[SteveJ]

I think this is a great & dramatic opening, it really works for me.
Personally, I would italicise the word 'deserved', but then, I italicise everything, so ignore me
Great stuff, Ma.

[Swampfox one]

Great opening.
JH

[ma100]

You think? Ok I will try running with it

[Cathy C]

Starting a new book and wondering if this para has the 'oomph' I need.

Thoughts anyone?



The dream came again tonight.
     Even knowing how it would end, I welcomed it as I would an old friend; with open arms and a delicious sense of anticipation, because the beginning… Ah, the beginning was worth it!

[Andrewf]

Ok I am toying with the idea of making this my opening paragraph to The Meek Inheritance. Is it ok or total crap?

Oooh.. Very strong start there... has grabbed my attention, and I don't read these genre of stories.

[Andrewf]

Starting a new book and wondering if this para has the 'oomph' I need.

Thoughts anyone?

While this start has me curious...  It hasn't grabbed me by the head and demanded that I read more...  

[ma100]

Starting a new book and wondering if this para has the 'oomph' I need.

Perhaps it is the inquisitive side of me but I would want to read on.