Author Topic: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?  (Read 750966 times)

Offline chillies

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #405 on: October 30, 2007, 04:04:13 AM »
The sunset would have been spectacular had there been anyone alive to see it. Unfortunately, the only breathing witness cowered in the cave’s corner, head cradled in grimy hands. His body shook, though whether from fear or the tremblings of the earth it was difficult to tell.

Hellbunnie, this is a great opening paragraph. Just one tiny quibble: the first sentece reads (The sunset would have been spectacular had there been anyone alive to see it.) Surely that should be (had there been anyone to see it) missing out the alive. Quite clearly there was someone alive cowering in the cave, hence he did not see it.

chillies

Offline Roisin

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #406 on: November 05, 2007, 08:45:16 PM »
I've always hated writing that dreaded first paragraph...

     “Stupid locksmith…”

     Curses drifted upward into the bleak sky above, where early morning sunlight was struggling to break through the dense layer of clouds. The meager rays pushed at the grey mass, but to no avail. The metropolis, like a great beast, slumbered.


(Not quite the whole paragraph, but I wouldn't want to go over the word limit, now would I?  ;))
Writing a book is a long, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand.
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Offline Roisin

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #407 on: November 05, 2007, 08:47:58 PM »
The sunset would have been spectacular had there been anyone alive to see it. Unfortunately, the only breathing witness cowered in the cave’s corner, head cradled in grimy hands. His body shook, though whether from fear or the tremblings of the earth it was difficult to tell.


I agree with chillies on this one; I suggest you take out 'alive'. Other than that though, I think it's a great hook. It gives the reader a taste of what's going one while pulling them back to read more. Good job.
Writing a book is a long, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand.
- George Orwell

Offline thatollie

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #408 on: November 20, 2007, 08:33:50 AM »
"You can't tell anyone I'm alive."
Never make a decision standing up.

Offline Cathy C

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #409 on: November 21, 2007, 09:05:20 PM »
Quote
"You can't tell anyone I'm alive."

I agree - I'd pick this book of the shelf.
Novel: Where There’s Smoke. Published by Fireborn publishing http://amzn.to/2tZKNCn

Short Story: A Killer Week Published by Bridge House http://amzn.to/2rhLVAX

Offline thatollie

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #410 on: November 21, 2007, 09:06:16 PM »
Perhaps I should give them 60,000 friends.
Never make a decision standing up.

Offline Cathy C

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #411 on: November 21, 2007, 09:08:30 PM »
Go for it! :P
Novel: Where There’s Smoke. Published by Fireborn publishing http://amzn.to/2tZKNCn

Short Story: A Killer Week Published by Bridge House http://amzn.to/2rhLVAX

Offline thatollie

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #412 on: November 21, 2007, 09:12:52 PM »
Constructing a novel from those words would be interesting, I thought about it for the new project, it would fit.
Never make a decision standing up.

Offline Cathy C

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #413 on: November 21, 2007, 09:21:34 PM »
You haven't written it!!!!!

No fair!!!!


CHEATER! ;D

Seriously, Ollie - you gotta write the rest of the story.
Novel: Where There’s Smoke. Published by Fireborn publishing http://amzn.to/2tZKNCn

Short Story: A Killer Week Published by Bridge House http://amzn.to/2rhLVAX

Offline thatollie

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #414 on: November 21, 2007, 09:26:17 PM »
OK but I'd have to have it in a prologue to fit with my current novel project. Or have tons of flashbacks [I hate flashbacks] leading to the current place in the story, the line destroys all the conflict because the reader will know what's going to happen later.

So I'll have to construct a new novel around the line.
Which is what, I see now, I must do.
Never make a decision standing up.

Offline Cathy C

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #415 on: November 21, 2007, 09:34:39 PM »
Quote
OK but I'd have to have it in a prologue to fit with my current novel project. Or have tons of flashbacks [I hate flashbacks] leading to the current place in the story, the line destroys all the conflict because the reader will know what's going to happen later.

I'm sure that makes sense to you. ???

Quote
So I'll have to construct a new novel around the line.

Then do it. DO IT!!!! ;D

Novel: Where There’s Smoke. Published by Fireborn publishing http://amzn.to/2tZKNCn

Short Story: A Killer Week Published by Bridge House http://amzn.to/2rhLVAX

Offline thatollie

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #416 on: November 21, 2007, 09:35:22 PM »
I shall do as you ask.
Never make a decision standing up.

Offline Cathy C

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #417 on: November 21, 2007, 09:37:15 PM »
 :-*
Novel: Where There’s Smoke. Published by Fireborn publishing http://amzn.to/2tZKNCn

Short Story: A Killer Week Published by Bridge House http://amzn.to/2rhLVAX

Offline thatollie

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #418 on: November 21, 2007, 09:39:03 PM »
I have no way to respond to that, so taking a cue from the politicians, I shall talk until the point of the conversation has been forgotten, or just to have something to say.
Never make a decision standing up.

Offline Cathy C

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Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« Reply #419 on: November 21, 2007, 09:41:35 PM »
Or, you could lose some incredibly 'sensitive' data - whatever works for you. ;D
Novel: Where There’s Smoke. Published by Fireborn publishing http://amzn.to/2tZKNCn

Short Story: A Killer Week Published by Bridge House http://amzn.to/2rhLVAX