Author Topic: Screaming Soul  (Read 1729 times)

Offline Raven GrayCloud

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Screaming Soul
« on: July 11, 2006, 05:23:00 PM »
My soul screams from deep inside
Help, let me out,
I'm wallowing in anguish and doubt.
Self-pity, wounded pride.

My heart breaks, spirit in pain
sobbing a song
Depression numbing my brain
dark river rolls along.

Oh light, where is the light
a single ray
to chase away the night
where demons like to play.

Helping hand to lift me up
is all I ask
from the depths of fowl muck
hide my shame, happy mask.

Smile, chase away my tears
show me the way
to erase my fears
turn dark night into day.

wizard7wolf

  • Guest
Re: Screaming Soul
« Reply #1 on: July 12, 2006, 06:07:04 AM »
woah  :o
Thats some good shit, I loved it
Some real feeling in there

Oh light, where is the light
a single ray
to chase away the night
where demons like to play.

These lines really speak to me
I want to read more

Offline matsamu

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  • Posts: 921
  • I'm not a Goof, i'm a spoof on Life
Re: Screaming Soul
« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2006, 12:42:26 PM »
 :o

Damn once again. You dark authors are starting to grow on me. I might have to submit my own dark stuff, nowhere near that caliber though. Great!
*pop* That was my head. It just got blown.

wizard7wolf

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Re: Screaming Soul
« Reply #3 on: July 13, 2006, 05:54:47 AM »
Yeah com'on matsamu post some stuff, we'll be nice heh heh heh

Offline Bryn

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  • Posts: 353
Re: Screaming Soul
« Reply #4 on: July 13, 2006, 07:32:57 PM »
Clearly some strong emotions. A bit too clearly. It 'conjures' some strong imagery but in a rather simplistic fashion that tells the reader a lot and shows them nothing. The manner by which you arrived at this awful moment, placed on the page in words would be both therapeutic for you and make for a much better poem. Perhaps consider working in the phrase 'refresh my nose' to the penultimate stanza; it might be detrimental but you'd gain my respect.

Bryn.

Samfnygcpon/lmyacegudw.

bleek

  • Guest
Re: Screaming Soul
« Reply #5 on: July 14, 2006, 08:00:13 AM »
Great work of a battle :o going on
...on the inside
keep it up
would love to read more