Author Topic: The Assassin and The Lord - assassin involves her friend - Please Comment  (Read 3800 times)

Offline Writers Block

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Hi

Thanks for your comments.

I agree with you both, I am not happy with it, people posting have clarfied my feelings on how Patience explains she is an assassin
- comes accross as hey I broke a nail today. :P
- and amelia is 'oh wow thats sad'.

This was from my chapter in progress, which is now almost finished.  I may post the flashback scene next, hoping for feedback: if I have got it right or not, always hard to do I feel - flashbacks, that is.

I may also post the rewritten section when I have done it, but it wont actually become the first draft untill I am on either chapter 5 or 6.

I feel it helps to continue reading a chapter, changing words here and there, sometimes realising a bit was crap and needs binning.  This seems to happen as the later chapters are tied in.

I have chapter 1 and 2 printed off, they are what I am calling first draft, these I will sit down with, pencil in hand. ;D  I have also roped mum into this too.  About to start working on chapter 3 for first draft, just as soon as I have written about another two pages - 400 - 500 words for chapter four, perhaps more. ;D  Sometimes the character seems to dictate what is happening.  Perhaps that is the problem with the dialogue I am trying to sort.

I tend to critique in a harsh manner. Please remember it is not personal, but how I prefer anyone critiqueing me to be. It is far more useful IMO.

WB

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Offline Srednivashtar

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This is pretty awesome. I've never really read anything in this genre before, but the very concept of a female assasin appeals to me.

There was only really one thing that bothered me and I may have a hard time explaining it properly so please bear with me. While I agree with your point about having dialogue set on different lines and avoiding repeated use of 's/he said' (it does get so boring) I found this transition a little awkward and confusing:

Quote
“The Folly my Father had built.  It is private and easy to see anyone approaching.”

“Ah Spendeer, please arrange some refreshment for Miss Swordright and myself.”

My reasoning is, generally when people use this technique of cutting out the 's/he said's it is specifically when two characters are interacting. If you suddenly have one of the characters addressing someone else without introduction it can become confusing. Might I suggest in between these two lines of dialogue mentioning something like "The friends were interrupted by the entrance of Spendeer"?...Well, something more elegant than that, perhaps, but just something to tell us that someone else is there before he is addressed.

Sorry if I sounded awkward and confusing there myself, I'm kind of new to this :-[

Offline Writers Block

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You make your point very well, and it's a good one, thank you for pointing it out.

Yeh the female asassin idea, from a privileged background, albeit in a fantasy setting, appealed to me to.

I like the period pieces, I find the regncy period in England a facinating time, not so far removed from us today, 200 years.  My grandma's grandma was born  very soon after the literal end of the regency period (1820), and some consider the regency period strecting to 1850ish, when indeed nothing had changed bar a couple of (important) technalogical matters.

Plus there is the Napoleonic Wars to get ones teeth into for plot twists. ;D

But that is a future idea I have, so forget it. :P
I tend to critique in a harsh manner. Please remember it is not personal, but how I prefer anyone critiqueing me to be. It is far more useful IMO.

WB

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.