Author Topic: Writing About Sex in Fiction  (Read 9864 times)

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Writing About Sex in Fiction
« Reply #30 on: November 28, 2010, 03:47:00 PM »
I agree. Emotions are the flip side of logic (IMO). Logic has a name, category, and value for everything. In the absence of, name, category, and value, we are limited to metaphors in descriptions / describing. Someone in a logical frame of mind is incapable of understanding that which has no name.

Therefore, "I cannot understand this thing or I am embarrassed, so it must be stupid, corny, strange, or ridiculous." IMO

Skip

Offline 510bhan

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Re: Writing About Sex in Fiction
« Reply #31 on: November 28, 2010, 04:04:55 PM »
So true - and you don't always know what weight people give to emotions expressed as words. I once told a bloke I loved him - he freaked but I meant I loved him like I loved chocolate not... let's get married and have babies and see eternity together.

It's a word used frequently in our house [even though we're not particularly touchy-feely we are emotionally open and honest] and so I'm not scared of using it...it has a lot of meaning/s for me and I suppose you'd have to know me pretty well to understand it in context.

Offline deborahowen

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Re: Writing About Sex in Fiction
« Reply #32 on: November 28, 2010, 04:49:40 PM »
I feel like I'm stepping into a mine field and this doesn't necessarily
reflect how I would write, but I've edited everything from the brush of
a soft kiss on unresponding lips to banging in the shower. Ultimately,
and in every case (as I came to know the authors better), the sex scenes
were directly related to the author and how he/she played out their own
expectations or fantasies of sex through their character.

In some sense, we are the characters. Within each of us lies a hidden 
soul - and that is by design, but when we write, our stories reflect who we
are... or wish to be... how controlled we are... or wish we weren't. Therein
lies the spice of life and how we relate it.
Deborah Owen :)
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Offline 510bhan

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Re: Writing About Sex in Fiction
« Reply #33 on: November 28, 2010, 05:00:56 PM »
There does have to be an element of 'experience' in the piece but for something/someone so outside your sphere of practical knowledge even fantasies can be difficult to write [desired or feared] because they don't have a reality context for the writer in many cases.

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Writing About Sex in Fiction
« Reply #34 on: November 28, 2010, 05:03:25 PM »
Yes, so true. As writers, "the cherry on top", is the ability to say, "wouldn't it be wonderful if..."

Skip

Offline 510bhan

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Re: Writing About Sex in Fiction
« Reply #35 on: November 28, 2010, 05:26:18 PM »
Just goes to show you don't know where I've been in life or what I've written. My entry (based on a true life visit to The Chicken Ranch) took honorable mention over 16,000 others in the Writer's Digest contest. I wasn't born a Christian.

Wasn't a personal comment... meant 'you' impersonally as in 'one'

Offline deborahowen

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Re: Writing About Sex in Fiction
« Reply #36 on: November 28, 2010, 05:47:16 PM »
Wasn't a personal comment... meant 'you' impersonally as in 'one'

My apologies. I'm getting snappy. Two deaths of close friends this week and I'm tired.
Deborah Owen :)
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Offline 510bhan

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Re: Writing About Sex in Fiction
« Reply #37 on: November 28, 2010, 06:02:43 PM »
No worries - I'm in a similar situation.

Offline deborahowen

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Re: Writing About Sex in Fiction
« Reply #38 on: November 28, 2010, 06:04:26 PM »
I'm so sorry to hear that. It's harder at this time of year.
Deborah Owen :)
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Offline 510bhan

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Re: Writing About Sex in Fiction
« Reply #39 on: November 28, 2010, 06:30:39 PM »
And all we can do is try to find fond memories to get us through the grief so that there are tears of laughter in among the wistful sobs.

Offline deborahowen

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Re: Writing About Sex in Fiction
« Reply #40 on: November 28, 2010, 06:40:19 PM »
You just made me remember something I read years ago. It was talking
about missing loved ones and it said to buy a special candle and maybe
a candle ring. Either put it on the table or hang it on the wall and when
you miss them most, light the candle. I'm not Catholic so I never thought
about using candles for anything like that but I tried it and by jove, it
helped. I can't explain how. It just did. I guess it was a physical way of
putting feeling into the attitude of the room. I live in an RV so I haven't
been doing it the past few years. Gotta run. *Going shopping for a candle.
Deborah Owen :)
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Re: Writing About Sex in Fiction
« Reply #41 on: November 29, 2010, 03:05:58 PM »
I think writing explicit scenes could possible ruin the rest of the novel. I think using descriptions and building up the moment before then leaving it to the reader's imagination is probably the best way to go.

I know I most likely repeated what others had said but just wanted to say I had read this. :)

Take care.

Offline 510bhan

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Re: Writing About Sex in Fiction
« Reply #42 on: November 29, 2010, 03:09:29 PM »
Take a look at the link in the very first box on this thread on page 1. When you go to it you'll cringe but will also feel quite good that you never would make the same mistakes. ;D ;D ;D ;D

Thanks for popping in. :D

Offline Kiski

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Re: Writing About Sex in Fiction
« Reply #43 on: December 01, 2010, 09:25:08 AM »
Deborahowen, I don't think it's unreasonable to assert that writers inadvertently insert parts of themselves into their works; after all, what is art except an expression of creative tempered with experiences? If it was solely the first, it would be unsympathetic and impossible to immerse in; if it was solely the second, it would be relatable but totally devoid of the creative magic that immerses people, anyway. I've always been an opposed to people writing about subjects they know nothing about, whether the subject is social, scientific, psychological or purely emotional.

How on earth could anyone expect to feel invested in a scene or scenario in which the author has no real investment her/himself?

Related to the thread: That might be why writing sex can be so difficult. If you're a private, introverted person like many writers, exposing that intimate aspect of your experiences to ridicule might be a little daunting, no?

Offline deborahowen

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Re: Writing About Sex in Fiction
« Reply #44 on: December 01, 2010, 10:47:13 PM »
Quite the contrary, Kiskie. I totally agree with you. Somewhere we got our wires crossed. I think it's nearly impossible to write any kind of scene that the author doesn't invest him/herself into somehow. It may reflect actual experiences or it may be fantasies or just well-absorbed gossip that tittles the imagination, but somewhere between the words, the author is present.

(I apologize for the change of topic in another post. Just got carried away with candles and the season.)
Deborah Owen :)
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