Author Topic: The Touch of Mama's Hands  (Read 8465 times)

Offline Pocahontas

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Re: The Touch of Mama's Hands
« Reply #15 on: November 12, 2010, 08:46:45 PM »
I thought the sentiment was beautiful!!

Offline Janice Sanford

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Re: The Touch of Mama's Hands
« Reply #16 on: November 12, 2010, 09:17:35 PM »
Well said 510,
I did say it was a 'form' of voyeurism.

Voyeurism is a disorders of sexual arousal. How many forms are there? (smile)

When I write a poem it is with the hope that others can relate to the emotions in the poem. The fact that 'The Touch of Mama's Hands' allows others to ponder the touch of their own mama's hands gives value to poem. Having lost my own mother, as I read the words it stirred heart felt memories of my own mama's touch..... a poem[imo] has no set form except the one the poet's heart gives to it..... I think the form of the poem is uniquely that given to it by the hand that penned it. All is my opinion of course.
« Last Edit: November 12, 2010, 09:37:22 PM by Janice Sanford »

Offline 510bhan

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Re: The Touch of Mama's Hands
« Reply #17 on: November 12, 2010, 09:54:45 PM »
I think you might have taken some of this too much to heart. The crits/reviews were meant to show you how it might work better poetically. There is no need for nit-picking over voyeurism, you should have enough skill and vocabulary to understand the use of metaphor.

I have lost my mother too. It was very sweet of you to write about your own and recall the pleasant memories - I don't think anyone has a problem with that. It is the lack of fresh expression for a universal feeling that most of the contributors are trying to tell you about. It is worthy, it is sentimental but it could be so much more...that's all.

Offline jan12550

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Re: The Touch of Mama's Hands
« Reply #18 on: November 12, 2010, 10:06:06 PM »
I think you might have taken some of this too much to heart. The crits/reviews were meant to show you how it might work better poetically. There is no need for nit-picking over voyeurism, you should have enough skill and vocabulary to understand the use of metaphor.

I have lost my mother too. It was very sweet of you to write about your own and recall the pleasant memories - I don't think anyone has a problem with that. It is the lack of fresh expression for a universal feeling that most of the contributors are trying to tell you about. It is worthy, it is sentimental but it could be so much more...that's all.

Please note that I am not nit-picking -- not I, the author. I have simply been watching the conversation to see what I can learn from it. I am grateful for both the appreciation and the creative criticism, which is why I posted this poem here. All of our mother's should be special to us, no matter how we express it. I have taken offense at nothing that has been said here. If my feelings were so "touchy", I certainly would have chosen a different venue to display my work. Thank you all for your help. BTW -- exactly how would you suggest making it "so much more"?

Offline 510bhan

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Re: The Touch of Mama's Hands
« Reply #19 on: November 12, 2010, 10:19:54 PM »
Sorry Jan - the Jan and the Janice got mixed up there. I think if you read back through the crits offered most of them suggest making the form consistent by tightening the meter and rhyme and using expressions that aren't as hackneyed or over-used. What did your mother's hands feel like when she caressed you, what did they look like..did they change over the years as you grew up but the feeling was the same...did they have any scars, veins, blisters, cooking smells, rings, manicured nails sometimes/never...were they strong/supple...and consider all these when you recall your mother's hands with each time her touch healed you. Bring your sensory recall into the picture and link it to the emotions you experienced. Make it more personal rather than generic I think.

Don't know if any of that explains what I think you could do with it..but maybe...you never know. :)

Offline jan12550

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Re: The Touch of Mama's Hands
« Reply #20 on: November 13, 2010, 05:44:05 PM »
Don't know if any of that explains what I think you could do with it..but maybe...you never know. :)

Don't know if I have the talent to do all that as you describe without losing all sense of rhyme, but certainly appreciate the suggestions. Again, poetry is definitely not my forte -- I struggle to say what I did. Thank you.  :)

JanTetstone

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Re: The Touch of Mama's Hands
« Reply #21 on: December 03, 2018, 07:51:17 PM »
When I was young,
   And could not yet stand;
I learned the deep love
   In my mama's hands.

There wasn't an ache;
   No pain was so grand;
That it could not be soothed
   By my sweet mama's hands.

It was something I knew,
   Though not always acknowledged;
Her touch stirred my depths
   When I was disheartened.

No foe could attack,
   No pain overwhelm;
But Mama's soft touch
   Would soon calm me down.

Then as I grew older,
   And went on my way;
While Daddy and Mamma
   At home did both stay:

Years quickly passed by,
   And my memory waned;
Of the comforting strength
   In Mama's dear hands.

Our visits too often
   Were entirely too few:
The infrequent greetings
   Held a mere hug, or two.

Then came a day
   When I visited home;
A fall on some pavement
   Had broken a bone.

I shared it with Mama,
   As her child would have done.
She simply reached out;
   Laid her hand on my arm.

It was all unexpected;
   She was now more the child:
I could never have dreamed;
   My emotions ran wild!

My eyes were wide opened,
   The memories rushed in;
As surprised by her touch
   Those hands warmed me again!

The old peace flooded through me;
   I was startled to find;
That same touch, long forgotten,
   Thrilled my soul and my mind!

So, what will I remember,
   Now she's joined Heaven's band?
Nothing ever compares to
   The touch of Mama's hands!

One of my favorite poems. Written by a very talented writer...... and a  very dear friend....    jt

Offline Il Penseroso

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Re: The Touch of Mama's Hands
« Reply #22 on: December 04, 2018, 09:02:06 AM »
Why dig up an old poem from the archives? And a mediocre one, no less. The feelings expressed are no doubt genuine, but that's the best I can say about it. I don't think you did your friend a favour.

JanTetstone

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Re: The Touch of Mama's Hands
« Reply #23 on: December 04, 2018, 09:12:42 AM »
Why dig up an old poem from the archives? And a mediocre one, no less. The feelings expressed are no doubt genuine, but that's the best I can say about it. I don't think you did your friend a favour.
Thank you, for your comment.

The past is a part of today, is it not? Though it rests only in ones heart and mind.
Unless one has god like insight they can only guess how others will react to a poem written from the heart of another..       jt

Offline Il Penseroso

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Re: The Touch of Mama's Hands
« Reply #24 on: December 04, 2018, 09:35:00 AM »
What you did, is bad form - and could actually be considered spamming. You took something that was buried in the archives and put it back on the front page, where it detracts from the newer works that are up for review now. Your friend has had her turn with this poem.

And one does not need godlike insight to know the difference between good, bad and mediocre poetry. All one needs for that is the right education. It has nothing to do with any supernatural powers.

JanTetstone

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Re: The Touch of Mama's Hands
« Reply #25 on: December 04, 2018, 09:37:28 AM »
What you did, is bad form - and could actually be considered spamming. You took something that was buried in the archives and put it back on the front page, where it detracts from the newer works that are up for review now. Your friend has had her turn with this poem.

And one does not need godlike insight to know the difference between good, bad and mediocre poetry. All one needs for that is the right education. It has nothing to do with any supernatural powers.

Very interesting......coming from one who has yet to post his/her/its own work.....    jt

Offline Il Penseroso

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Re: The Touch of Mama's Hands
« Reply #26 on: December 04, 2018, 09:45:36 AM »
Very interesting......coming from one who has yet to post his/her/its own work.....    jt

There will be ample time for that when I've actually earned my stripes reviewing others' works first.

JanTetstone

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Re: The Touch of Mama's Hands
« Reply #27 on: December 05, 2018, 10:23:29 AM »
There will be ample time for that when I've actually earned my stripes reviewing others' works first.

I look forward to reading your writings, Penseroso .        jt

Offline Vienna

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Re: The Touch of Mama's Hands
« Reply #28 on: December 07, 2018, 02:42:40 AM »
I thought there was a rule about not bumping old posts?
Just a well-read punk peasant

Going to church makes you a christian as much as standing in a garage makes you a car!

Offline Mark T

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Re: The Touch of Mama's Hands
« Reply #29 on: December 07, 2018, 01:24:07 PM »

Hi Richard - good to see you.