Author Topic: What else can I use?  (Read 3585 times)

Offline Lysianassa

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What else can I use?
« on: June 30, 2006, 08:45:29 PM »
Got a question for you all. I'm on the fourth chapter of my fiction manuscript where my main character is dreaming. She's dreaming of a powerful but unknown priestess set in ancient Greece. What I want is to leave her unnamed for now so I'm using ALOT of 'she' and 'the priestess' through this particular section. The whole part is going to be about 300 words or so and basically it's a build up to later chapters.

What I want is to use less of the 'she's' and 'the priestess'. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions? Thanks.
My head is longer my own - I am furious. When will my torment end?... If anybody is frustrated or unhappy in this lycee, it is me! They will make me lose my head  - Jean-Francois Champolloin

Offline Foxy

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Re: What else can I use?
« Reply #1 on: July 01, 2006, 04:43:29 AM »
You've set yourself a bit of a challenge there, Lysianassa. You could call her the holy/wise/blessed one, or hierarch, or prelate, or votary. Not very satisfactory, I know, but the best I can come up with on a morning after a heavy night  ;)
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Jink

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Re: What else can I use?
« Reply #2 on: July 01, 2006, 08:10:29 AM »
the woman

Jink

Lin

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Re: What else can I use?
« Reply #3 on: July 01, 2006, 10:31:16 AM »
I know you dont wish to give too much away too soon, but is there any reason why you really cannot use her name at this early stage.  I have done something like this in my book.   I started using the name of my main character as her friends called her when she was very elderly, then I took a step backwards in time and used the name that her mother would have used.   When my character was married her husband shortened her name and gradually the reader gets to know my character through three phases of her life.
This probably doesnt help you though, but it could be that you can get away with your Priestess having a name in the early stages and gradually through the story you could reveal who this person really is. 

For example your Priestess could be known as Amelia and eventually she reveals that this isnt her real name.  Im probably on the wrong track here, but I hope this is useful. 

Lin


Offline Lysianassa

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Re: What else can I use?
« Reply #4 on: July 01, 2006, 12:43:45 PM »
I didn't want to give the game away too soon. What I'm writing about (and explaining very badly!  ;D) is the Greek priestess Medea. At this stage my main character is dreaming about her but she doesn't know who she's dreaming about. It's only through a later chapter that she recognises her. I can't use a different name for her since she only had the one.

As Foxy said, quite a challenge!!!
My head is longer my own - I am furious. When will my torment end?... If anybody is frustrated or unhappy in this lycee, it is me! They will make me lose my head  - Jean-Francois Champolloin

Offline Cathy C

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Re: What else can I use?
« Reply #5 on: July 01, 2006, 02:20:34 PM »
Hi Lysianassa

I had the same problem myself in my first book (Alas, as yet to be published. :-\) I ended up calling the character the 'dreamself.' You could use variants of this - 'The dream girl/woman' 'Dream ghost.' or even just 'The spirit' or 'the spectre.' Depending of course, how you want her perceived?

Hope this helps?

CATHY C
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Short Story: A Killer Week Published by Bridge House http://amzn.to/2rhLVAX

Offline Lysianassa

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Re: What else can I use?
« Reply #6 on: July 01, 2006, 06:17:17 PM »
HI Cathy, yes something along those lines could work. I'll have to mess around with a few variants and see what happens. Whoever said that writing was easy?!  ;)
My head is longer my own - I am furious. When will my torment end?... If anybody is frustrated or unhappy in this lycee, it is me! They will make me lose my head  - Jean-Francois Champolloin

Offline Lanista

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Re: What else can I use?
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2006, 04:30:59 AM »
I'd love to read some of this story, as it's on a subject close to my heart. My book is about a priestess too - of Athene, though her story is set in Ancient times. I hope you post it up for review!

Cheers

L

Offline Lysianassa

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Re: What else can I use?
« Reply #8 on: July 03, 2006, 05:12:53 AM »
Ooh, yours sounds interesting as well. Is any of it up on review? I'm going to put a little up when I finish this next chapter (hopefully today or tomorrow - or next year!) to see what I can improve.
My head is longer my own - I am furious. When will my torment end?... If anybody is frustrated or unhappy in this lycee, it is me! They will make me lose my head  - Jean-Francois Champolloin

Offline Lanista

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Re: What else can I use?
« Reply #9 on: July 03, 2006, 05:20:17 AM »
Hi - there's a bit of it here

http://www.mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=1830.msg12136#msg12136

I feel like I've given the game away a bit now, though, cos you don't actually find out she's a priestess until...chapter four I think *lol*

looking forward to seeing your work if you post it.

Cheers

L

Offline Dave King

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Re: What else can I use?
« Reply #10 on: July 04, 2006, 03:55:35 PM »
Hey,

   A quick question -- what point of view are you using for the dream sequence?  I would assume third, since otherwise you could just use "I."  But if so, how intimate is the point of view?  If you are writing about Medea from without, you could use a variety of names.  But if you are letting your readers see the scene through her eyes, then you should refer to her the way she refers to herself, and people rarely change how they refer to themselves in their own heads that quickly.  So if she is the only character in the scene (i.e., there's no ambiguity), there's no reason not to use "she" throughout.  It should seem natural.

    Also, would it be possible to switch to first person for the dream sequences?  I would not only solve your problem, it might enhance the dreaminess of the scenes.

Hope this helps,


Dave King
Co-author of Self-Editing for Fiction Writers
www.davekingedits.com
Dave King
Co-author, Self-Editing for Fiction Writers

Offline Lysianassa

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Re: What else can I use?
« Reply #11 on: July 04, 2006, 05:09:33 PM »
I quite like the idea of it being portayed in the first stance instead of third, which, yes, I have been using. My main character (unoriginally named Lysianassa - please don't ask!  :-[ ) is dreaming of an priestess that she doesn;'t, as yet, recognise. It's only in the middle chapters that the reader and my main character finds out who the priestess is.

I think what I might do is write two dream sequences, one in first and another in second and see which one makes more sense and impact and go from there.

King, thanks - you've really given me something to think about!
My head is longer my own - I am furious. When will my torment end?... If anybody is frustrated or unhappy in this lycee, it is me! They will make me lose my head  - Jean-Francois Champolloin

Offline Writers Block

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Re: What else can I use?
« Reply #12 on: July 06, 2006, 02:22:41 AM »
call her.

<tempname> - looks boring I know, so perhaps think of something else.  But settle for something that is easy to change using Find & Replace.

Probably best to have something that flows a little better to be honest. ;D

<priestessdreams> - sounds a little better.

I do this on occasions. Example from my story I am working on:

"How about a name?”  Eagle watched Patience shake her head, she reminded him of a Sparrowhawk, he speculated what she would be like with some training in <Tempstyle>, the fighting style they used.  She had the ability to learn it, no doubt at all, probably become one of the best.  “No name?  In that case I think I will give you one, Sparrowhawk – do you like it?”

It doesnt look good, but it does make it obvious that change is needed.

Whilst it is a somewhat discordant note, it does work.  I use the mathamatical symbols to allow me to search for both, ther is no reason for them to be in my writing other than with uses like this, so they stand out, plus again can use Find & Replace facility.

I tend to critique in a harsh manner. Please remember it is not personal, but how I prefer anyone critiqueing me to be. It is far more useful IMO.

WB

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Offline Lysianassa

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Re: What else can I use?
« Reply #13 on: July 07, 2006, 05:43:19 PM »
Yes - I've done that in the first chapter with my killer. As i don't want her to be named until right at the very end it starts with her meeting a guy and doesn't want to know his name and she won't tell him hers. So he calls her Redhead through their meeting. After she murders him, I staill call her Redhead until the very end.
My head is longer my own - I am furious. When will my torment end?... If anybody is frustrated or unhappy in this lycee, it is me! They will make me lose my head  - Jean-Francois Champolloin