Author Topic: Andor - Fantasy (438 words) (Part 2)  (Read 4438 times)

Offline Kiryana

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Andor - Fantasy (438 words) (Part 2)
« on: October 31, 2010, 04:39:11 PM »
This is another short segment still in the making. It picks up right after (Part 1) that I posted earlier. Please excuse my horrid punctuation and sentence structure.


-Tayloen notices the door to the school house is slightly open but seems to pay it no mind.

                                                                                                                TAYLOEN

                                                           From Kirya came the elves. A beautiful and elegant race born into the wood of Ti'Foren.
                                                           Agile and graceful, elves are a people of nature serving Kirya. They are a long lived race 
                                                           and unchanging to a fault.

-Creatures begin appearing on the map populating the land

                                                                                                                 TAYLOEN

                                                           Torman created the race of Darcen, or giants in the common tongue. They stand much
                                                           taller than elves and are very strong. Their very presence strikes fear into the hearts of
                                                           even brave men. Their skill to fight is only trumped by their ability to withstand numerous
                                                           wounds which would stop or kill any other warrior.

-Tayloen stops and ponders quietly then continues.

                                                                                                                 TAYLOEN

                                                           Athelios created the race of humans. Shorter than elves but broader, Humans are a short
                                                           lived race. Finding happiness in anything pleasurable. Humans tend to be easily swayed
                                                           towards light or darkness. But, once set on a path, humans can be the most honorable of
                                                           the races. Giving their lives for others without a thought and helping those not of their
                                                           kind is commonplace.

-Tayloen extinguishes the map and walks back to the front of the classroom.

                                                                                                                 TAYLOEN

                                                            Each god created races in their image. Some serve the light some serve the darkness.
                                                            But no race is bound to serve any one god.

                                                                                                                  CHILD 1
                                                                 
                                                            Sir mage, my mom says the gods are not real.

                                                                                                                  TAYLOEN

                                                            I assure you TOMMY, male age 12 blond hair and blue eyes, they are real.

                                                                                                                  TOMMY

                                                            Then how come we never see them?

                                                                                                                  TAYLOEN

                                                            A valid argument. Even if you can not see some thing, Tommy, does not
                                                            mean it can not exist. Can you see the wind?

-Tommy shakes his head no.

                                                                                                                  TAYLOEN

                                                            You can see and feel the effects of the wind but you can not see it. Thus, you
                                                            know it is real. Or, what of magic?

-Tayloen forms a ball of green light in his hands.

                                                                                                                   TAYLOEN

                                                            You can not see raw magic but once it is harnessed and formed...

-Tayloen throws the ball at the ceiling and it creates a small green firework star cluster. The children laugh and giggle.

                                                                                                                   TAYLOEN

                                                             That will conclude today's lesson. Do not forget your books. I will see you all next
                                                             cycle.

-The children grab their books and exit the classroom. Tayloen walks behind his desk and grabs his staff. A shadow can be seen moving
in the corner as a dark human shape becomes more defined.

                                                                                                                    DARK FIGURE

                                                             You should watch your tongue when speaking of humans elf. Least you find a dagger
                                                             in your back.
"Whether we bring our enemies to justice, or justice to our enemies, justice will be done."

Offline DavidMcK

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Re: Andor - Fantasy (438 words) (Part 2)
« Reply #1 on: November 10, 2010, 05:34:33 PM »
Hi Kiryana,

I will be interested in the next section. Up until now you have been setting the scene, this story is about to beginů

David

Offline 510bhan

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Re: Andor - Fantasy (438 words) (Part 2)
« Reply #2 on: November 10, 2010, 05:44:31 PM »
Hi - me again.

How did Tayloen extinguish the map?


Least you find a dagger in your back..s/b Lest

Offline ByronArthurClark

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Re: Andor - Fantasy (438 words) (Part 2)
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2011, 11:20:58 AM »
I see the name Andor in your subject line. you are not going to be able to use that. It's a country in Robert Jordan's bestselling Wheel of Time series. Shame, I hate it when that happens. I had to change some names in my book too when I discovered they had been used already.
Byron Clark. Please feel free to e-mail me, anytime! byronarthurclark@gmail.com

Offline Butterfly21

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Re: Andor - Fantasy (438 words) (Part 2)
« Reply #4 on: March 11, 2011, 05:00:55 AM »
how do you pronounce this name
TAYLOEN  ???
and this one:
Kirya  ???

It's interesting and i haven't read part one
i see her teaching a class
but i can't see really much of the environment
plus Tommy i think doesnt fit
all the names so far - like Tayloen and the places are all like fantasy names - tommy is just a little plain IMO
I think it'd sound better if he had a fantasy sort of name

And is Andor the place this is all set like the world or kingdom or something?

Offline Kiryana

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Re: Andor - Fantasy (438 words) (Part 2)
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2011, 08:56:17 PM »
(Not really sharp on the typing out sounds)

Tayloen = Tay low in 
Kirya = Kear e ah

I think reading part one may help with setting the scene. Again these are all pretty close to a rough draft that have been ran through a few times. They've been posted here for insight and nit-picking.

I agree Tommy doesn't really fit and I will change that. (Thanks)

Andor is the world this story takes place in. ( Although as someone pointed out in an earlier p[ost it seems I'll have to change the name.)

"Whether we bring our enemies to justice, or justice to our enemies, justice will be done."

Offline Butterfly21

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Re: Andor - Fantasy (438 words) (Part 2)
« Reply #6 on: March 14, 2011, 02:57:35 AM »
i have trouble coming up with names for fantasy places too

i just try to make them up in my head and then once i get something - like after jumbling a few words i will search the word just to see if its already out there in something lol

Like i had some name like aurelia or something and another one with lyn on the end and i jumbled them two around for a while until i came up with Ailyn [who is the MC of a fantasy story im working on] and turns out its already been thought of but not used in anything big or well known so therefore i thought it ok to use it

you should do the same kinda thing - it really helped me  ;D
and i love elves btw i keep trying to picture Tayloen - could you give me a brief description and a few of the specific details or her face and attire and that?



Offline Kiryana

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Re: Andor - Fantasy (438 words) (Part 2)
« Reply #7 on: March 15, 2011, 12:44:11 AM »
We'll first of Tay is a he :P  If you like, I could send you an actual picture or two of him. I do my own concept art for all my characters and scenes too. I am a bit more skilled with drawing than writing so I draw a picture and build a story around it sometimes.
"Whether we bring our enemies to justice, or justice to our enemies, justice will be done."

Offline Butterfly21

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Re: Andor - Fantasy (438 words) (Part 2)
« Reply #8 on: March 15, 2011, 01:57:16 AM »
oh sorry about the confusion haha
i just thought of taylor and tayloen yeh lol u can see how i got him mixed up for a chick
and that's so kool i draw too - probably most likely not half as good as you but i've done a few of my fantasy story characters - i'd love to see a few pics of your characters and scenes - that'd be sweet
i'll show you mine if ya want  :D
i'll pm you with my email address and you can send em there
 ;D



Offline ByronArthurClark

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Re: Andor - Fantasy (438 words) (Part 2)
« Reply #9 on: April 27, 2011, 06:09:27 PM »
About the name. i also had this problem once when I realised that Hoshanna was similar to the name of a jewish holiday. i changed it to holshianala which sounds similar. I also had a  cappadrosia, then i realised there was a realised there was a real place called cappadocia or some such which is too close. just change one or two letters so that you can stay comfortable with it. maybe Anjor or Andoy or Tordor or Anpor or whatever...
Byron Clark. Please feel free to e-mail me, anytime! byronarthurclark@gmail.com

Offline Butterfly21

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Re: Andor - Fantasy (438 words) (Part 2)
« Reply #10 on: April 29, 2011, 02:27:17 AM »
What I do when I come up with names for fictional fantasy sort places is search it in google.  :D
If nothing comes up about anything or it can't figure out what I'm trying to spell, then I'm good to go.  ;D