Author Topic: Dump Trucks  (Read 1297 times)

Offline actpoet1

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Dump Trucks
« on: July 03, 2006, 10:47:50 PM »
As I lay there on my mother’s chest,
still clothed in her blood, you began to pierce   
my pores and hook your film onto my body.
When I came back into the room from the nursery, you
already had finished. Your film of desolation made my skin
shiny as a seal’s head. And from that day on
I felt like a dark body engulfed
by the inky hue of a coffin.

At five, I took my mother’s razor
and ripped it against skin, hoping to scoop you off.
I told my mom it was an accident.
At nine, I’d pierced the inside of my left leg
with a steak knife, hoping to “bleed” you out of me.
I told my mom it was an accident.
At twenty-two, she knew that one wasn’t. That day a blade
pealed back the scabs
on my left wrist. In the psyche ward of the hospital I was born,
nurses laughed at me as the stitched the eruption. Only if they knew
I wished that my mother when pregnant with me was
smashed between two dump trucks.

But she wasn’t, so depression, swoop down like a crow,
but this time stab me in the heart with your hooks,
and take it with you.

I am tired of living.

SAY8
Write on,

actpoet1

If you want, click on the link below and walk into my mind. My name is in the middle on the right.

http://users.skynet.be/spier/argoboatbruce.htm

Offline caliban1

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Re: Dump Trucks
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2006, 12:58:09 AM »
This poem and "Gravity," (I did read it) are both powerful almost to the point of being overwhelming.  However, there is no question in my mind that the imagery and word play make them good poetry.  If you want this poem to be in standard English you need to change "swoop" to "swooped," and "stab" to "stabbed.

Long day and I am a bit too tired to say more.  Sometimes I feel a bit concerned for you, but I believe that you have said that this very dark poetry is a good release for you. Take care of yourself and keep writing.

Cal
It is all a metaphor.

Offline actpoet1

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Re: Dump Trucks
« Reply #2 on: July 04, 2006, 01:43:29 AM »
Caliban1,

I wanted the last stanza to be in the present tense because I wanted the reader sense that the narrator is still depressed and going through unspeakable torment. With that said, that is why I used swoop and stab instead of the past tense.

Well, tire too and need to hit the bed.

And, I'm okay, so don't worry about me.
Write on,

actpoet1

If you want, click on the link below and walk into my mind. My name is in the middle on the right.

http://users.skynet.be/spier/argoboatbruce.htm