Author Topic: Poem: My God Is  (Read 12110 times)

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #15 on: September 20, 2010, 12:12:41 PM »
If I were the mod, which thankfully I am not, I would remove all comments in this thread except Sharon's and Alice's.  They all exceed the rule.  

My understanding is that unfavorable commentary is not the done thing here.  There are discussion threads like Linda's, but not controversy when work is being shared. 

Thus I'd also apologize to Janice on behalf of the forum.  But I am not the mod, so there you have it.

Eric, any member can remove their own post as you know. Other than that, I or another mod would most likely agree to remove 'critique' type post if Janice, the tread owner, requested we do so.

But despite some thoughts to the contrary, we try not to delete posts or threads without very good reasons.
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Offline eric

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Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #16 on: September 20, 2010, 02:32:32 PM »
Thank you Alice.  I did not make clear enough that I was just making the point as to what I would do, not what I was asking to be done.  So it's easy to see how you might misunderstand it.  Good of you to clarify your policy anyway.

Offline Ronnie Coleinger

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Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #17 on: September 20, 2010, 05:37:11 PM »
If I was out of line and need to apologize, or remove my post, please feel free to tell me.

Ronnie Coleinger
When you read to a child, their smiles and giggles will warm your heart and make your day a little brighter.

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Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #18 on: September 20, 2010, 06:12:52 PM »
Janice hasn't posted since you did the post on this thread. So as far as I can see, it's a wait and see situation.
MWC Charity Publications.
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight>
The universe is made of stories, not of atoms. -Muriel Rukeyser, poet and activist (15 Dec 1913-1980)

R. L. Copple's: http://www.rlcopple.com/

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
-Mohandas K. Gandhi

Offline John Yamrus

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Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #19 on: September 21, 2010, 01:34:59 PM »
So as far as I can see, it's a wait and see situation.

a wait and see situation?  what is this, the Cuban Missile Crisis?  some poems are just better than others, and i'm probably the guiltiest of all in making suggestions as to how she could have made this one better.
john yamrus

« Last Edit: September 21, 2010, 02:57:14 PM by John Yamrus »
Since 1970 John's published 2 novels, 18 books of poetry, and had more than 1,300 poems published in mags around the world.   His new book, (his 20TH) called CAN'T STOP NOW! is available here:

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Offline DIZI

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Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #20 on: September 21, 2010, 02:51:02 PM »
You naughty naughty boy.
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Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #21 on: September 21, 2010, 08:25:29 PM »
a wait and see situation?  what is this, the Cuban Missile Crisis?  some poems are just better than others, and i'm probably the guiltiest of all in making suggestions as to how she could have made this one better.
john yamrus

John, I was referring to, wondering if she was going to come back.
MWC Charity Publications.
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight>
The universe is made of stories, not of atoms. -Muriel Rukeyser, poet and activist (15 Dec 1913-1980)

R. L. Copple's: http://www.rlcopple.com/

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
-Mohandas K. Gandhi

Offline Janice Sanford

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Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #22 on: October 02, 2010, 01:18:14 PM »
I thank everyone for their comments. There is no need to remove. Doesn't a poem stand or fall on its own merit? Have a great day,ALL. (smile)
http://thespiritwithinpoetry.com/

Offline drab

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Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #23 on: October 02, 2010, 08:50:56 PM »
Nicely put Janice. I may not be a fan of your poem but your reply demonstrates more than a little style and grace.
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Offline irallan

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Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #24 on: October 02, 2010, 09:26:49 PM »
As beauty is to the eye of the beholder , so is truth to the ear of the listener. To many the length of your poem would be appropriate to honor their god. I liked the openness of the gods identity and could be related to many religions. The one thing that jarred with me was the inconsistent structure and syllable count per line as well as an irregular rhythm. I hope I'm making sense here. For instance the first stanza,:

My god is :
my morning light             4 syllables
When the day begins       5 syllables
My candlestick at night    6  syllables
When my day comes to
its end.                         7 syllables

By writing the stanza again perhaps as :

My morning light
When my day  begins
my candle at night
When my day does end

I don't feel the flow and rhythm in your lines . I think that a subject like the god you are describing would be better served with more rhythm and harmony in the lines lengths perhaps more detail to technicality, I am not sure as I haven't studied poetry format since high school , just what I feel when I read you work. Do like the essence though..Warm regards..Iain

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Offline Janice Sanford

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Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #25 on: October 05, 2010, 12:35:35 PM »
Nicely put Janice. I may not be a fan of your poem but your reply demonstrates more than a little style and grace.

Thank you. I am sure everyone had the best of intentions.
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Offline Isabella Twilight

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Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #26 on: October 20, 2010, 06:42:44 AM »
Janice,

I think your poem is beautiful. It is so easy to be a critic when you are not the author. I think it is ludicrous for others to "edit" or "rewrite" others' works. How presumptious!  :o


twisted wheel

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Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #27 on: October 20, 2010, 06:47:08 AM »
Janice,

I think your poem is beautiful. It is so easy to be a critic when you are not the author. I think it is ludicrous for others to "edit" or "rewrite" others' works. How presumptious!  :o



i have to agree - whether we like it or not, janice posted it in the gallery to be read and not critiqued.

Tempered

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Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #28 on: October 20, 2010, 07:00:56 AM »
I had to go back to the original post and then read all the comments before I thought about commenting myself.

The easy way around this, since this appears to be a matter of a forum to showcase a particular poem/story strictly for the enjoyment, is to remove the option of commenting.

If only positive comments are permitted then you only get half the response. If it is not enjoyable, or if it is found offensive by certain readers, then they don't feel left out of the loop by being hesitant in saying so(as it seems positive feedback is the only option as it stands now)

just a thought

twisted wheel

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Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #29 on: October 20, 2010, 07:44:24 AM »
hi tempered.

it's in the gallery for reading and not critique. there are review sections for that. if you have positive comments, leave them by all means. if not, walk away. if janice wasn't happy with the poem she wouldn't post it here.

daryl