Author Topic: Poem: My God Is  (Read 11764 times)

Offline Janice Sanford

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 123
  • aka Jan Tetstone
    • View Profile
    • The Spirit Within Poetry
Poem: My God Is
« on: September 13, 2010, 10:54:41 PM »
My God Is
by Janice Sanford (Sept 13, 2010)

My god is :
my morning light
When the day begins
My candlestick at night
When my day comes to
its end.

My god is my shadow
My god follows me where ever I go
I have always walked safely
In my god's bright glow.

My god gives me the Strength
to travel life's roads
When there is no one around to help me
my god helps me carry my heavy load.

My god was my beginning
when I begin my journey through life
My god has been with me all of my days
in all good times during all of my strife.

My god is my hearts truth
all of my tomorrows
all wrapped up in to one
My god has never once left my side
since the day that I was born.

My god is my teacher
His lessons have taught me well
the things I needed to know
to be worthy to stand, and walk
in the warmth of my god's sweet glow.


My god is the force moving my life along
filling my heart with my god's beautiful love song
My god helps my heart not to miss one beat
as life carries me along.

My god is the love that my
heart knows and craves
the love that is with me in life
and will one day blanket my grave.

My god is pure love from beginning to end
My god has forgiven this sinner's sins
My god is my saviour, my creator and
my dearest friend.
http://thespiritwithinpoetry.com/

Offline John Yamrus

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2503
    • View Profile
Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #1 on: September 15, 2010, 11:27:17 AM »
my god, this is long.  janice, this would have much more impact if you reduced it by a few stanzas.  as it stands now, near the end, the reader has become oversaturated with "my god is" and can't wait for it to end.  it's nicely written, but way too long. 
Since 1970 John's published 2 novels, 18 books of poetry, and had more than 1,300 poems published in mags around the world.   His new book, (his 20TH) called CAN'T STOP NOW! is available here:

http://www.epicrites.org/

Offline Vienna

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7333
    • View Profile
Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #2 on: September 19, 2010, 07:40:48 AM »
as John said " My God" too long, too much "God". Religion (IMHO) is a private matter and I always feel preached at by writing like this. This is probably just me.
Just a well-read punk peasant

Going to church makes you a christian as much as standing in a garage makes you a car!

Offline John Yamrus

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2503
    • View Profile
Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2010, 06:51:26 PM »
as John said " My God" too long, too much "God". Religion (IMHO) is a private matter and I always feel preached at by writing like this. This is probably just me.

ditto
Since 1970 John's published 2 novels, 18 books of poetry, and had more than 1,300 poems published in mags around the world.   His new book, (his 20TH) called CAN'T STOP NOW! is available here:

http://www.epicrites.org/

Offline Ronnie Coleinger

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 70
  • Smithtown USA
    • View Profile
    • Welcome to the website for the author Ronnie Coleinger
Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2010, 08:11:28 PM »
My God Is
by Janice Sanford (Sept 13, 2010)

My god is :
my morning light
When the day begins
My candlestick at night
When my day comes to
its end.

My god is my shadow
My god follows me where ever I go
I have always walked safely
In my god's bright glow.

My god gives me the Strength
to travel life's roads
When there is no one around to help me
my god helps me carry my heavy load.


In my opinion, I would shorten the poem to what I have included in the quote. Use the remaining lines of poetry on another day, in another poem. You write very well, but your readers lose interest when you include to much of a great thing.

Ronnie Coleinger
When you read to a child, their smiles and giggles will warm your heart and make your day a little brighter.

http://www.ronniecoleinger.com

Offline John Yamrus

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2503
    • View Profile
Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #5 on: September 19, 2010, 08:18:59 PM »
and i'm sure the author will just state this is merely a listing of her beliefs, which is all well and good, but writing is about communication and at a very early point in this poem (in this act of communicating) things break down and the effect of the communication falls apart.
Since 1970 John's published 2 novels, 18 books of poetry, and had more than 1,300 poems published in mags around the world.   His new book, (his 20TH) called CAN'T STOP NOW! is available here:

http://www.epicrites.org/

Offline Ronnie Coleinger

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 70
  • Smithtown USA
    • View Profile
    • Welcome to the website for the author Ronnie Coleinger
Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #6 on: September 19, 2010, 08:44:02 PM »
and I'm sure the author will just state this is merely a listing of her beliefs, which is all well and good, but writing is about communication and at a very early point in this poem (in this act of communicating) things break down and the effect of the communication falls apart.

I tried to rearrange the stanzas in the poem to give it better flow, and to help the author communicate her thoughts to her readers. I hoped to give the poem that ability to communicate. After a few attempts, I decided to leave the rewriting of the poem to the author, as it should be. If I rewrite the poem, I have intruded on the authors work. Not my place.

Ronnie Coleinger
When you read to a child, their smiles and giggles will warm your heart and make your day a little brighter.

http://www.ronniecoleinger.com

Offline John Yamrus

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2503
    • View Profile
Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #7 on: September 19, 2010, 09:02:48 PM »
I tried to rearrange the stanzas in the poem to give it better flow, and to help the author communicate her thoughts to her readers. I hoped to give the poem that ability to communicate. After a few attempts, I decided to leave the rewriting of the poem to the author, as it should be. If I rewrite the poem, I have intruded on the authors work. Not my place.

Ronnie Coleinger

ronnie;
   very wise words, indeed.
john
Since 1970 John's published 2 novels, 18 books of poetry, and had more than 1,300 poems published in mags around the world.   His new book, (his 20TH) called CAN'T STOP NOW! is available here:

http://www.epicrites.org/

SharonLeigh

  • Guest
Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #8 on: September 19, 2010, 09:14:17 PM »
Am I wrong in understanding that the `Gallery` is for simply sharing one`s work...?  I understood if the writer wanted critique and review/revision they would then post within the `review my poetry` board.
.
I agree that posting work in the Gallery also invites commentary; some may not be favorable, of course.  But since Janice did post here, I`d refrain from critique; or am I wrong in this?  Really wondering... (not intending to sound sarcastic.)  :)
.
Best~
Sharon

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

  • http://www.writestreet.com/writestree
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 31219
  • Hello from Texas
    • View Profile
    • Alice's Hide Away
Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #9 on: September 19, 2010, 09:48:11 PM »
You're right Sharon.

When in doubt or if it's the first time someone have visited a board, it's always a good idea to read the Sticky at the top of the board.

http://www.mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=14381.0

I think at times people offer a review without checking which board the piece of work is posted on.  I've done it myself a time or two.  Hopefully, when I've noticed, I also corrected myself with at least an explanation.
MWC Charity Publications.
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight>
The universe is made of stories, not of atoms. -Muriel Rukeyser, poet and activist (15 Dec 1913-1980)

R. L. Copple's: http://www.rlcopple.com/

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
-Mohandas K. Gandhi

SharonLeigh

  • Guest
Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #10 on: September 19, 2010, 10:32:45 PM »
Thanks, Alice... yes, I hadn`t read the sticky yet   :P  heh!  Also, the Gallery is `new` to me, in the sense that it wasn`t here back when I used to post on MWC under the username `Leigh`... so was just curious how it`all  worked; if there were little unwritten rules or understandings, heh!  Anyhow, glad that`s cleared up, thanks!    :)
.
Apologies for highjacking your thread, Janice.  I wanted to mention I know there are quite a few magazines listed in `Poet`s Market` that are religious in nature, accepting only that subject matter; should you submit this.  (Which you probably already know~!)      :D
.
Best to you~
Sharon

Offline eric

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10576
    • View Profile
Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #11 on: September 20, 2010, 07:50:35 AM »
If I were the mod, which thankfully I am not, I would remove all comments in this thread except Sharon's and Alice's.  They all exceed the rule.  

My understanding is that unfavorable commentary is not the done thing here.  There are discussion threads like Linda's, but not controversy when work is being shared. 

Thus I'd also apologize to Janice on behalf of the forum.  But I am not the mod, so there you have it.
« Last Edit: September 20, 2010, 08:06:58 AM by eric »

Offline Vienna

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7333
    • View Profile
Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #12 on: September 20, 2010, 08:10:25 AM »
which rule do I exceed eric mate?
Just a well-read punk peasant

Going to church makes you a christian as much as standing in a garage makes you a car!

Offline eric

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10576
    • View Profile
Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #13 on: September 20, 2010, 08:16:53 AM »
Look up at the top lad, Nick sets out the order for this board in a sticky.  He does not make it a rule as such but makes clear that this new board is for posting work where the author does not want nattering comments.  The mods like Amie who comment on Nick's post also make this clear.  Perhaps they could correct or clarify me if I have that wrong.

Of course, I agree with you on the substance of what you say mate.
« Last Edit: September 20, 2010, 08:21:54 AM by eric »

Offline Vienna

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7333
    • View Profile
Re: Poem: My God Is
« Reply #14 on: September 20, 2010, 08:25:56 AM »
oops, sorry eric, and all for the comments.
Just a well-read punk peasant

Going to church makes you a christian as much as standing in a garage makes you a car!