Hello. This is a short comedy sketch that I whipped out in a few minutes after I had a revelation that I want to be a comedy writer for a living. I have several others, but with this being the first script that I have written since my high school television production classes, I really wanted to get opinions on
this one first. I just want to make sure that I even have the chops to make it in comedy. I have shown it to several other people, and so far the responses seem favorable, so I am optimistic!
"The Dear John Letter", as you can probably tell by the title, is somewhat of a dark comedy (well, more than
somewhat). For the most part, I feel very comfortable with the sketch. However, for some reason, I still feel that the letter itself may be a bit too underdeveloped...It was also suggested to me by a friend, that I might consider extending the ending just a bit.
I am open to any and all criticisms. Thank you, and I look forwarding to hearing from you.
Oh, and before I forget, I had it in a proper screenplay format, and I will try very hard to keep it as close as possible. So, let me apologize now for any formating issues.
"THE DEAR JOHN LETTER"
by
Elizabeth Short
FADE IN:
INT. HOUSE – ENTRANCEWAY/KITCHEN – NIGHT
A MAN walks into a house. He is carrying several bags and a briefcase. As we walks to the kitchen table, he puts down the bags that he is holding and his brief case, leaving only the black messenger bag around his chest.
As he walks through the house, he seems to be looking for signs that somebody is home, but doesn’t say a word right away.
When he finally speaks, it is in a questioning tone.
MAN
Anybody home?
The man turns his head in the direction of the master bedroom and holds his pose for a long beat. After a moment, he begins to head toward the master bedroom.
INT. HOUSE – MASTER BEDROOM – NIGHT
As the man walks into the bedroom, a letter can be seen lying on the bed.
The man picks up the letter and begins to read it. As he reads the letter a WOMANS’s voice can be heard reading the letter aloud.
WOMAN (V.O.)
My dearest John, today is our fifth
anniversary. The day we married, I
remembered my mother telling me to
hold on to those feelings, because
those memories would help us
through all of our struggles and
hard times.
(beat)
But I am afraid that she may have
been mistaken.
(beat)
While I have grown to care for you
very much in the last five years, I
feel that I have been living a lie.
And as hard as it is to get this
off my chest, I feel that telling
you the truth may help to rest my
tortured conscience.
(beat)
There is no easy way to say this,
so I feel that bluntly may be best.
(beat)
I have been having an affair with
your brother for the last five
years.
(slight beat)
I can only imagine what you must be
feeling right now, and the thoughts
that must be going through your
head.
(slight beat)
When did it start? How could I do
this to you? What about the
children?
(slight beat)
And I hope that I am able to answer
some of your questions in this
letter.
(beat)
First of all, I want you to know
that you are a very sweet man, and
never in my wildest dream could I
have imagined myself in an extra-
marital affair,
(beat)
but as I walked down the aisle on
our wedding day, and I saw your
brother in his tuxedo, I knew then
and there that he was the man for
me.
(beat)
I realize that this letter must
seem harsh and is coming as a
surprise to you, but your brother
and I want nothing more for you
than to be happy,
(slight beat)
and that is why we are leaving the
country to continue our romance.
(beat)
Without us here, we hope that you
will be able to find the strength
to move on.
(beat)
By the time you get this letter,
your brother, Alex, and I will be
on our way to Paris, France.
(slight beat)
Do not worry about the children.
(beat)
Your parents were kind enough to
come along to help watch over them.
(beat)
Alex and I pretty much cleared out
all of our bank accounts to pay for
it, but we have purchased a lovely
villa in the South of France, which
I’m sure the kids will love.
(long beat)
I know that I could never apologize
enough for what I’ve done to you,
dear John, but I hope you may one
day find it in your heart to
forgive us, if only for the sake of
our children.
(slight beat)
Goodbye, John, and best of luck.
(slight beat)
Merry Christmas.
(slight beat)
Anne.
As the man finishes reading the letter, his face is stricken with a look of utter helplessness. He looks as though he is in a state of complete and total shock.
When he begins to speak, his voice is shaky, and there is a air of disbelief to it.
MAN
What?
(long pause)
How could somebody write a letter
like that?
(long pause)
What a bitch!
The man pauses with the letter in his hand for a few more seconds, still looking very shocked.
As he finally lets the letter fall back to the bed, he reaches into his messenger bag and pulls out a large black trash bag and begins to ransack the bed room.
FADE OUT.
THE END
Here is an updated version of my sketch. I took the advice about extending the ending and making the letter more cruel. I have some ideas about how to liven up the humor of the sketch, but unfortunately I am not
that skilled in writing screenplays, so I don't know how to transcribe that. I guess I will just have to direct the sketch myself!
And again, I am sorry about and issues with the format after I transferred it over from Word.
INT. HOUSE – ENTRANCEWAY/KITCHEN – NIGHT
A MAN walks into a house. The man is dressed entirely in black winter clothing, including gloves. He is carrying a briefcase in one hand and a duffle bag in the other. Around his chest is a messenger bag.
As we walks to the kitchen table, he puts down the duffle bag and his brief case, leaving only the black messenger bag around his chest.
As he walks through the house, he seems to be looking for signs that somebody is home, but doesn’t say a word right away.
When the man finally speaks, it is in an almost questioning tone.
MAN
Anybody home?
The man turns his head in the direction of the master bedroom and holds his pose for a long beat. After a moment, he begins to walk purposefully toward the master bedroom.
INT. HOUSE – MASTER BEDROOM – NIGHT
As the man walks into the bedroom, a letter can be seen lying on the bed.
The man looks questioningly at the letter for a few seconds, and then picks it up and begins to read.
As the man reads the letter silently to himself, a WOMANS’s voice can be heard reading the letter aloud.
WOMAN (V.O.)
My dearest John, today is our fifth
wedding anniversary. The day we
married, I remembered my mother
telling me to hold on to those
feelings, because those memories
would help us through all of our
struggles and hard times.
(beat)
But I am afraid that she may have
been mistaken.
(slight beat)
While I have grown to care for you
very much in the last five years, I
feel that I have been living a lie.
(beat)
The truth of the matter is that I
have been living this lie since we
first met in high school.
(slight beat)
And as hard as it is to get this
off my chest, I feel that telling
you the truth now may help to rest
my tortured conscience.
(beat)
Unfortunately, there is no easy way
to say this, so I feel that bluntly
may be best.
(beat)
I have been head over heels in love
with your brother, Alex, for the
last 7 years.
(slight beat)
And we have been having an affair
for the last 5.
(slight beat)
I can only imagine what you must be
feeling right now, and the thoughts
that must be going through your
head.
(slight beat)
When did it start? How could I do
this to you? What about the
children?
(slight beat)
And I hope that I am able to answer
some of your questions in this
letter.
(beat)
First of all, I want you to know
that you are a very sweet man, and
never in my wildest dreams could I
have imagined myself in an extra-
marital affair…
(beat)
…but as I walked down the aisle on
our wedding day, and I saw your
brother in his tuxedo, I knew then
and there that he was the man for
me…Hands down! No questions asked!
(beat)
Really, I think I have known all of
these years. Since Alex drove us to
our Junior Prom on our first date.
(slight beat)
My teenage mind used to fantasize
about Alex every time he would
come home from college on break.
(beat)
And while many high school crushes
go unrequited, I was lucky enough
to find out right after graduating
that Alex had always felt the same
way about me.
(beat)
John, we married the day after we
graduated from high school…And Alex
and I began our affair one week
later.
(long beat)
I realize that this letter must
seem harsh and is coming as a
surprise to you, but your brother
and I want nothing more for you
than to be happy,
(slight beat)
and that is why we are leaving the
country to continue our romance.
(beat)
Without us here, we hope that you
will be able to find the strength
to move on.
(beat)
By the time you get this letter,
your brother, Alex, and I will be
on our way to Paris, France.
(slight beat)
Do not worry about the children.
(beat)
Your parents were kind enough to
come along to help watch over them.
(beat)
They feel that with their favorite
son leaving the country, there is
no better time to retire and spend
more time with their grandchildren.
They are truly remarkable people!
(long beat)
Alex and I pretty much cleared out
all of our bank accounts to pay for
it, but we have purchased a lovely
villa in the South of France, which
I’m sure the kids will love.
(beat)
While I know that you live for your
children, and it pains me greatly
to take them away from you, they
really should be with their
real father.
(long beat)
I know that I could never apologize
enough for what I’ve done to you,
dear John, but I hope you may one
day find it in your heart to
forgive us, if only for the sake of
our children.
(slight beat)
Goodbye, John, and best of luck.
(slight beat)
Merry Christmas.
(slight beat)
Anne.
As the man finishes reading the letter, his face is stricken with a look of utter helplessness. He looks as though he is in a state of complete and total shock.
When he begins to speak, his voice is shaky, and there is an air of disbelief to it.
MAN
What?
(long pause)
How could somebody be that cruel?
(long pause)
What a bitch!
The man pauses with the letter in his hand for a few more seconds, still looking very shocked.
As he finally lets the letter fall back to the bed, he reaches into his messenger bag and pulls out a ski mask.
As the man begins to ransack the room and place any object of value into his messenger bag, another man comes running into the room. This new man is wielding a cell phone and appears to be out of breath.
MAN 2
Who are you? What are you doing in
my house? I’m calling the cops!
Despite man 2’s threats to call the cops he doesn’t budge.
MAN
John?
MAN 2
How do you know my name?
(beat)
What are you doing in my house?
(beat)
I’m going to call the cops!
MAN
Buddy, you’ve got way bigger things
to worry about.
FADE OUT.
THE END
I am also getting ready to post another sketch, which way different than this one, based off of the sheer abundance of absurdity in the subject matter.
