Author Topic: Grip Of Death  (Read 3108 times)

Offline actpoet1

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Grip Of Death
« on: May 12, 2006, 06:29:26 PM »
Laying back, it straddles
                       you.
A hand shoots out and it grips
your throat. Your heartbeat quickens. A deep surge
rises from your waist. You gently
ease inside, inch by inch. Next comes the sweaty hair
bouncing off your face and the pleasant burn
of flesh on flesh. Soon its grip tightens. Tightens. A clench
like no other. Finally the
bed is made for the last time, the
trash is taking out, the
reports and memos finalized. Then it leans
 
down to your lips and inhales deep as oh
erupts from your tongue. You arch up and
stiffen. Finger by finger, its slides its hand
from your throat, then dips it into each eye.
Thread by thread, it removes each set of stitches
holding down your soul, swallows them,
then rolls over, satisfied.
 
SAY8
Write on,

actpoet1

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Offline caliban1

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Re: Grip Of Death
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2006, 01:59:22 AM »
Amazing, powerful.  Gutsy poetry. John Donne used to write about god in terms of love and sex, so why not create a metaphor of sex and death.  I think you have kind of  a "metaphysical conceit," in other words a very sophisticated metaphor.

Didn't you mean "the trash is taken out." not "taking out."  Great writing anyway.

Congratulations,
Caliban
It is all a metaphor.

Offline actpoet1

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Re: Grip Of Death
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2006, 11:17:47 AM »
Caliban1,

Yes, that was a typo. Thanks for the response. Where are your poems? Work?
Write on,

actpoet1

If you want, click on the link below and walk into my mind. My name is in the middle on the right.

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The_Engineer

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Re: Grip Of Death
« Reply #3 on: May 14, 2006, 04:53:08 PM »
The difference between pink and purple????????????????




 Grip

Offline actpoet1

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Re: Grip Of Death
« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2006, 08:39:01 PM »
What?
Write on,

actpoet1

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Offline Bryn

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Re: Grip Of Death
« Reply #5 on: June 15, 2006, 10:08:35 PM »
It is a powerful poem, but the sex/death blurring is so great that i wonder if the title is the metaphor or the poem. And now i'm wondering if that matters. I agree with Caliban to some extent, but depite the insidious draining qualities of the poem, and the lovely last line, i wondered why it was written. That may seem like a trite question, but if i ever find myself thinking it i know there must be something lacking, something not quite original enough. Don't get me wrong, it is good poetry, but depicting the act of dying and using it as a device draws attention to the fact that it is simply an objective opinion of what death might feel like. In my opinion the poem needs a little more to hinge around, or a (very) subtle expansion of the personification of death, or (because the experience described makes me think of the more excellent aspects of drug abuse) something to gound it in a setting just slightly: 'reports and memos', the universal jargon of the fazed urbanite, devalue the poem (for me) rather than juxtaposing the sex/death imagery, but if you feel confident with them, go for it because i'm not feeling too sure on that point.

I've just finished an extended shift at the pub serving a some drunken louts so you may want to take all this with a pinch of salt.
Looking forward to your next endeavour as always, Bryn.
« Last Edit: June 15, 2006, 10:16:26 PM by Bryn »

Offline actpoet1

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Re: Grip Of Death
« Reply #6 on: June 15, 2006, 11:06:41 PM »
Bryn:

I imagine death as a dynamci, powerful lover, the moment of dying as orgasm. My desriptions maybe graphic, but that's how I feel. Death is an experience of unparalleded satisfaction, tying up of all the messy loose ends of life... that is why is used "reports and memos," "bed is made for the last time", "the trash taking out." They're eveyday things people do that (I feel) have no real meaning.

In essence, with this poem, I wanted readers to recoginize the ways sex and death touch the same core. But, as always, I will consider your advice.
Write on,

actpoet1

If you want, click on the link below and walk into my mind. My name is in the middle on the right.

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Offline Bryn

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Re: Grip Of Death
« Reply #7 on: June 15, 2006, 11:18:47 PM »
You should consider some of the words from that reply, perhaps they would make a good line for this poem? I can see what you mean about meaningless things, but beside sex and death a lot of things less mundane than those seem unimportant. I think my response to them was probably not representative of the more universal reaction. It is a good poem indeed but with your recently posted justification it seems better still, but why is that?

I would trust your instincts on this one, i think you know what the poem's doing and i'm looking for the wrong thing from it.

Mr Bryn.

Offline caliban1

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Re: Grip Of Death
« Reply #8 on: June 19, 2006, 11:57:15 PM »
Bryn and Act,
I think this is a very fine poem.  That small typo should be fixed and the poem should be submitted somewhere so that more people can read it.  You can nit pick and justify forever, but sometimes it is best to move on--publish the poem or put it aside for a while.


My thoughts, anyway.  I have been away, dealing with family illness.  It is good to check in here.

Cal
It is all a metaphor.

Offline actpoet1

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Re: Grip Of Death
« Reply #9 on: June 21, 2006, 04:47:15 PM »
Caliban1,

Good advice...

It's nice to see you back.
Write on,

actpoet1

If you want, click on the link below and walk into my mind. My name is in the middle on the right.

http://users.skynet.be/spier/argoboatbruce.htm