Author Topic: A poem by a Biology major who loves to write  (Read 1822 times)

Offline missk

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A poem by a Biology major who loves to write
« on: November 16, 2014, 04:48:46 AM »
When

Making calls that are never answered,
Sending messages that are never read.
Hoping and waiting
For the sun to rise west.

When will it be the other way around?
When calls are made,
When messages are sent.
When it's a choice to answer or ignore.
When will the moon rise in the east?

When to stop hoping?
When to stop waiting?
When to stop wishing?
When do you know,
When it's time to move on?

Offline Amie

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Re: A poem by a Biology major who loves to write
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2014, 10:31:17 AM »
Welcome missk :)

This is very well-trodden material unfortunately - to make an impact, you need a fresh perspective.

Maybe imagine something totally unexpected happening in this context (either good or bad) and try writing about that?

Just a suggestion. You might also want to take a look at the sticky with suggestions for new poetry writers.
"You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet." - Kafka

Offline duck

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Re: A poem by a Biology major who loves to write
« Reply #2 on: November 18, 2014, 07:26:51 AM »
Hi
Are you somehow related to pbarrabab? the two poems are so similar and cover more the same ground with the same style of delivery. As Amie says this is pretty uninspired.
Dave

Offline Ursinewave

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Re: A poem by a Biology major who loves to write
« Reply #3 on: November 21, 2014, 02:14:23 PM »
Here I will invoke William Carlos Williams' imperative for poetry "No words but in things." Perhaps it is a bit of overstatement in its exclusiveness. However, it's a potent rephrasing of "show, don't tell." Rather than just explaining, I think it's helpful to play word association games in order to work out the best pieces of concrete language to evoke the emotions or situations you want. Rather than saying you're waiting, what words that refer to material objects could you replace with the prosaic word "wait?" For example, people wait for trains, planes, rains if they're farmers, for the spin cycle of the washing machine to transfer their clothes to a dryer. Hope that helps.