Author Topic: Rebirth  (Read 2425 times)

DwWin

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Rebirth
« on: June 15, 2006, 09:23:42 AM »
Rebirth

The light burst through my open mind
As I lay upon my heather bed
What wonders could I find
Inside my newborn head

Through years of silence screaming
The light had cut like a surgeon's knife
Giving again new meaning
And opening the door to life

Offline Bryn

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Re: Rebirth
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2006, 10:27:54 PM »
I would like to see more of this. You have here only the bare bones of a poem; clearly a moment of significance but also a series of unrelated images: The surgeon's knife bit is not a rare image to use, but it might seem more in place if the poem had more to it; the mis-matched image of a surgeon and the 'heather bed' has great potential. I hope there was more than just a brief moment of levity that created the illusion of higher understanding. Do tell.

Bryn.

Wow. Respect to my punctuation. Look at it flow.

DwWin

  • Guest
Re: Rebirth
« Reply #2 on: June 16, 2006, 03:16:58 AM »
Hi Bryn,

 I agree it is the "bare bones" of a poem rather than a completed one.To be honest, it is the first time I have tried my hand at writing a poem in 30 years and it was a "5 minute" flow with no re-writing. I'll work on it and get back to you with the finished item.

Offline actpoet1

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Re: Rebirth
« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2006, 06:28:30 PM »
DwWin:

There's not need for me to repeat what Bryn said. She's right on. Trust me, her comments are helpful. Take heed and you'll be okay...

Do know there's a strong pulse in this poem. Make it surge.
Write on,

actpoet1

If you want, click on the link below and walk into my mind. My name is in the middle on the right.

http://users.skynet.be/spier/argoboatbruce.htm