Author Topic: My Dream House  (Read 14885 times)

Offline jhonq

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My Dream House
« on: March 08, 2010, 12:39:33 PM »
Hello Friends,

I am a non-native speaker of English and I have problem while writing the English composition. I generally make grammatical mistake which hesitates me to write article in English. I would like to improve my knowledge in English grammar. I have posted my writing on the topic "My Dream House" and I would appreciate it if someone comments on grammar of my writing.

My Dream House

House is a place where we can shelter and it gives us a protection from rain, heat , storm etc. Everyone has their own choice on what type of house they feel comfortable to live, so do I. I enjoy to live in calm and open environment, so house built on small land won't be my choice. I want a large open space surrounded by compound where I can stroll especially when I feel bored on my job. I want the garden in front of my house which will give me natural environment. One more thing to mention here, I want the house which is far from main city and industrial area since I don't like the noisy environment.Oh, yeah, what about the size of the house? I prefer the medium size house having 2 or 3 floors. I don't like very large building because I have small family and I don't like to rent my home. I prefer to stay in second or ground floor during the summer season because the top floor is excessively heated during the very season whereas I like to stay in second or third floor during the winter as ground floor will be excessively cold during that period. Next thing is about gym room, I would like to have a fitness center within my premise as I am a young boy and I want to be a healthy person.

I have mentioned so many physical needs in my above paragraph but I would like to conculde my writing saying cool and amicable family environment is must to make our home like a heaven. Otherwise, it will be a hell and we would like to spend most of our time outside the home rather than with family.

Offline Solace

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Re: My Dream House
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2010, 04:19:41 PM »
Hey,

     english is a second language for me too, so I think I can help you a little bit. There is two things that I feel not right with your text. First, yeah the syntax is not great. It's kind of confusing at times, especially in your first sentence when you mesh two ideas togheter. If you don't want to go through the pain of taking english classes, there are good softwares that can help you. WhiteSmoke notably. My main concern though is that you say a lot in a very few lines. It's what I call "the stenographer complex". You enumerate stuff that you want in your dream house instead of giving your reader a good image of it. The elements of your dream house are good, but they are too many and they are underdevelopped.

        What you could do is:

1)Hack a few of these elements. The ones that are less important to your dream house.

2)Make your text longer. Try to mix up these elements in one clear picture of your dream house. Close your eyes and imagine it from the outside. Just one image. Then do the same thing for the inside. Choose a room. Bedroom, bathroom, whatever is more important to you. Just make the text about these two static images. I think it's going to transform your subject.
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Offline jhonq

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Re: My Dream House
« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2010, 10:40:00 PM »
Thank you Solace for your comments. I am also grateful to Isa for her valuable comments on my writing.
« Last Edit: March 09, 2010, 04:36:13 AM by jhonq »