Author Topic: Review my monologue?  (Read 1919 times)

Offline fansbobby

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Review my monologue?
« on: February 18, 2010, 08:00:57 PM »
It's about the book Chronicle of a Death Foretold. This is a speech I have to give for IB English. Can you review the context and grammatical errors por favor.


Pablo Vicario’s Monologue Rough Draft

My fellow Colombians, thank you all for listening to me today. As you all know, I am Pedro Vicario. I bring you all here to discuss the wicked nature of this book. Since it was published, my brother and I haven’t gotten the chance to give our own opinions on the matter. The narrator of this book has filled all of your ears with bias and extreme hyperboles. My fellow Colombians, you all must think I am a wretched man; a blood thirsty killer who has no soul. I am here today to clean up my reputation. I am here today to give all of you my side of this event, and to clear up the contradictions created by the narrator of this book! I know this discussion is long overdue, but today is the day I build up the courage to bring honor back to my family! Like Pablo and I said on page 48 “we would’ve done it a thousands times over for the same reason.” You will learn I am no evil man, but a brave vigilante who killed in order to preserve the stability of his beloved culture. I am making this speech not only for the sake of my own sanity, but also to remind my country of what we have valued for centuries.
My fellow Columbians, I have known all of you for years. I’ve been just as active in this community as you all have. My brother and I have always been well behaved citizens who always had kind intentions. As said on page 52 “their reputation as good people was so well-founded that no one paid any attention to them”. Pablo and I were raised as good boys, and I believe I’ve always lived up to that. However, since the killing of Santiago Nasar, this reputation we’ve worked so hard to achieve has been brutalized. No longer are we the good people who never meant any harm. We are now perceived as primitive savages with nothing but shame upon us. You all turned me into something I never wanted or meant to be. Aren’t I a victim of this fiasco? Despite my reasons for the murder, I’ve lost my virtuous nature. Do I not still hold God close to my heart? No one deserves to be ultimately judged upon because of one occurrence. Instead, evaluate my character based on the way I have always been, kind and respectful to all.
Let me point out the irony and hypocrisy of this whole ordeal. How dare all of you make my brother and I out to be the sole criminals? How many times did we say exactly what we were going to do? According to the novel, Pablo and I told at least 22 people that we were going to kill Santiago Nasar that day. The two of us could have been easily stopped by any of you. Take for instance you Don Regelio de la Flor. You were warned by your wife Clotilde Armenta but you shook her off because she was being a silly old woman. Father Amador, you are also accountable for the murder. On page 70 you said “The truth is I didn’t know what to do. My first thought was it wasn’t any business of mine but something for the civil authorities. You have to understand, the bishop was coming on that unfortunate day”. Colonel Aponte, you of all people had the chance to stop my brother and I. Instead, you acted so lazy and took our knives, not thinking that we could’ve gotten new ones. Everyone in this room knew what our intentions were, and still the murder took place. You are all as equally responsible for the death of Santiago Nasar as I am. You were all mystified by the coming of the bishop. Think of the irony of this people! The day one the most important people of the Catholic Church comes; you all act extremely immoral and unchristian. At least I had good reason for my crime; you have no excuse for what you all did except for pure apathy.
   I don’t think I speak for myself when I say that God is the most important thing to me. We all are worshipers of his word. To me, the worst thing in the world would be to see my country lose its values and beliefs and turn into a horrible nation with no morals or ethics. The killing of Santiago Nasar was an act to preserve our wonderful lifestyle and culture here in Colombia. If he was allowed to get away with taking my sister’s virginity, what else would be acceptable in our nation? Turmoil and debauchery would be bound to take hold of our great country of Colombia. It wasn’t easy for me or my brother to kill one of our closest friends. However, we understood the consequences of what would happen if we did not murder him.
   Santiago’s death was not just a matter of abiding by God’s word. On page 49, my brother was spot on when he said “Before God and before men, it was a manner of honor”. When my sister was taken advantage by that savage of a man, there were great repercussions. Not only did Angela lose her honor, but our whole family did. My fellow Colombians, none of you could bear to live on with that burden of shame on your last name, could you? In a country where nothing is more precious than honor and nothing is more demeaning than shame, I did what any of you would have. I couldn’t stand to see my sister lose her honor and a loving husband who would care for her due to that savage of a man.
And let me clear one thing up regarding this event, the murder was not an act of revenge. My brother and I did not kill Santiago Nasar out of hate; this goes against everything we believe. My fellow Colombians, please do not think of me as the kind of man who would do such a thing because with these evil intentions. Instead, think of it as an act sacrifice. Santiago Nasar died in order to keep our culture intact. He died to maintain a proper social order in our community. Ladies and gentlemen, he died for our future. As I said before, think of what would be seen as acceptable in our culture if Santiago was left unpunished. Only even worse sinful acts would be committed on a daily basis.
My fellow Colombians, don’t think of me as a heartless soul because I killed that man. Santiago Nasar was a great friend of mine for years. I had respected him and found him a great man. My brother and I sat there in jail, with nothing to think about but our violent actions. Santiago’s “smell” kept following me everywhere, no matter how hard I tried to wash it away. On page 80 I say “I was awake for eleven months”. This was true. I couldn’t stand to think that a great friend of mine was gone forever. However, do not think of these thoughts as those of guilt. The narrator of this book leads all of you to believe Pablo and I felt ashamed for what we did after being in jail. On page 79 there is a quote which I would like to discuss: “Perhaps the Vicario brothers could have thought the same thing at eight o’clock in the morning, when they felt themselves safe from the Arabs”. My brother and I were not afraid of the Turks seeking to avenge Santiago’s death. My fellow Colombians, do not think of me as a coward. Do not believe the narrator of this book who was making his own assumptions out of nowhere. I fully stand by what I did that day, and I have no feelings of regret. Yes, sorrow and depression did fill my heart, but never guilt.
My friends, I have known all of you for many years. It has killed my soul that the people I grew up with and cared about rejected me as a person. I come here today to speak because these feelings have gone on for too long. Something had to be done in order to purify the Vicario name. Ladies and gentlemen, yes I did kill Santiago Nasar. It was my idea in the first place. I did not come here today to deny the accusations made against me. Instead I wanted everyone to listen to my reasons, as I did not write a book about this event. I killed Santiago, a dear friend of mine, for my family, my honor and my God.  I need nothing more, old friends, than for you to see me as respected man once more. Understand that my brother and I thought about the pros and cons our action for a long time. On page 49, the narrator writes “still, in reality it seemed that the Vicario brothers had done nothing right with a view to killing Santiago Nasar immediately and without any public spectacle…” I am not the kind of man who would commit such an act impulsively. Understand my fellow Colombians that, in retrospect, all of you are just as responsible for his death as I am. After all, you were as fully aware of the murder as I was.




Offline Kinatelle

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Re: Review my monologue?
« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2010, 10:18:48 PM »
AHH! The giant text block of doom! PLEASE format.

Offline Foxy

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Re: Review my monologue?
« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2010, 12:50:56 PM »
fansbobby, please introduce yourself on the Welcome board, and please read the sticky post on this board: http://www.mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=24729.0
My novel, Trinity, available from Amazon.
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Offline Katinka

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Re: Review my monologue?
« Reply #3 on: February 21, 2010, 01:09:55 PM »

 QUOTE(")My fellow Colombians, thank you all for listening to me today. As you all know, I am Pedro Vicario. BRING THIS DOWN TO FOM A NEW PARAGRAPH, ALSO. WHEN GIVING A LONG DSCOURSE AND WHEN YOU NEED TO BREAK UP A BLOCK OF WRITING WITH PARAGRAPHS YOU DON'T CLOSE THE4 CDIALOGUE WITH A (") BUT LEAVE IT OPNE. START THE NEXT PARAGRAH WITH A (")  AND AGAIN, LEAVE THE (") OUT AT THE END OF THAT PARAGRAPH AND SO FORTH. yOU NEED TO BREAK DIALOGUE EITHER WITH PARAGRAPHS OR MAKE THE SPEAKER TAKE BREAKS BY DOING ACTIONS. I bring you all here to discuss the wicked nature of this book. Since it was published, my brother and I haven’t gotten the chance to give our own opinions on the matter. The narrator of this book has filled all of your ears with bias and extreme hyperboles. My fellow Colombians, you all must think I am a wretched man; a blood thirsty killer who has no soul. I am here today to clean up my reputation.START NEW PARAGRAPH I am here today to give all of you my side of this event, and to clear up the contradictions created by the narrator of this book! I know this discussion is long overdue, but today is the day I build up the courage to bring honor back to my family! Like Pablo and I said on page 48 “we would’ve done it a thousands times over for the same reason.” You will learn I am no evil man, but a brave vigilante who killed in order to preserve the stability of his beloved culture. I am making this speech not only for the sake of my own sanity, but also to remind my country of what we have valued for centuries. ALWAYS LEAVE A BLANK LINE BETWEEN PARAGRAPHS, EVEN BETWEEN DIALOGUE.
My fellow Columbians, I have known all of you for years. I’ve been just as active in this community as you all have. My brother and I have always been well behaved citizens who always had kind intentions. As said on page 52 “their reputation as good people was so well-founded that no one paid any attention to them”.NEW PARAGRAPH Pablo and I were raised as good boys, and I believe I’ve always lived up to that. However, since the killing of Santiago Nasar, this reputation we’ve worked so hard to achieve has been brutalized. No longer are we the good people who never meant any harm. We are now perceived as primitive savages with nothing but shame upon us. You all turned me into something I never wanted or meant to be. IMO IT SHOULD READ, AM I NOT...Aren’t I a victim of this fiasco? Despite my reasons for the murder, I’ve lost my virtuous nature. Do I not still hold God close to my heart? No one deserves to be ultimately judged upon because of one occurrence. Instead, evaluate my character based on the way I have always been, kind and respectful to all.LEAVE BLANK LINE
Let me point out the irony and hypocrisy of this whole ordeal. How dare all of you make my brother and I out to be the sole criminals? How many times did we say exactly what we were going to do? According to the novel, Pablo and I told at least 22 people that we were going to kill Santiago Nasar that day. The two of us could have been easily stopped by any of you. Take for instance you Don Regelio de la Flor. You were warned by your wife Clotilde Armenta but you shook her off because she was being a silly old woman. Father Amador, you are also accountable for the murder. On page 70 you said “The truth is I didn’t know what to do. My first thought was it wasn’t any business of mine but something for the civil authorities. You have to understand, the bishop was coming on that unfortunate day”. Colonel Aponte, you of all people had the chance to stop my brother and I. Instead, you acted so lazy and took our knives, not thinking that we could’ve gotten new ones. Everyone in this room knew what our intentions were, and still the murder took place. You are all as equally responsible for the death of Santiago Nasar as I am. You were all mystified by the coming of the bishop. Think of the irony of this people! The day one the most important people of the Catholic Church comes; you all act extremely immoral and unchristian. At least I had good reason for my crime; you have no excuse for what you all did except for pure apathy.
   I don’t think I speak for myself when I say that God is the most important thing to me. We all are worshipers of his word. To me, the worst thing in the world would be to see my country lose its values and beliefs and turn into a horrible nation with no morals or ethics. The killing of Santiago Nasar was an act to preserve our wonderful lifestyle and culture here in Colombia. If he was allowed to get away with taking my sister’s virginity, what else would be acceptable in our nation? Turmoil and debauchery would be bound to take hold of our great country of Colombia. It wasn’t easy for me or my brother to kill one of our closest friends. However, we understood the consequences of what would happen if we did not murder him.
   Santiago’s death was not just a matter of abiding by God’s word. On page 49, my brother was spot on when he said “Before God and before men, it was a manner of honor”. When my sister was taken advantage by that savage of a man, there were great repercussions. Not only did Angela lose her honor, but our whole family did. My fellow Colombians, none of you could bear to live on with that burden of shame on your last name, could you? In a country where nothing is more precious than honor and nothing is more demeaning than shame, I did what any of you would have. I couldn’t stand to see my sister lose her honor and a loving husband who would care for her due to that savage of a man.
And let me clear one thing up regarding this event, the murder was not an act of revenge. My brother and I did not kill Santiago Nasar out of hate; this goes against everything we believe. My fellow Colombians, please do not think of me as the kind of man who would do such a thing because with these evil intentions. Instead, think of it as an act sacrifice. Santiago Nasar died in order to keep our culture intact. He died to maintain a proper social order in our community. Ladies and gentlemen, he died for our future. As I said before, think of what would be seen as acceptable in our culture if Santiago was left unpunished. Only even worse sinful acts would be committed on a daily basis.
My fellow Colombians, don’t think of me as a heartless soul because I killed that man. Santiago Nasar was a great friend of mine for years. I had respected him and found him a great man. My brother and I sat there in jail, with nothing to think about but our violent actions. Santiago’s “smell” kept following me everywhere, no matter how hard I tried to wash it away. On page 80 I say “I was awake for eleven months”. This was true. I couldn’t stand to think that a great friend of mine was gone forever. However, do not think of these thoughts as those of guilt. The narrator of this book leads all of you to believe Pablo and I felt ashamed for what we did after being in jail. On page 79 there is a quote which I would like to discuss: “Perhaps the Vicario brothers could have thought the same thing at eight o’clock in the morning, when they felt themselves safe from the Arabs”. My brother and I were not afraid of the Turks seeking to avenge Santiago’s death. My fellow Colombians, do not think of me as a coward. Do not believe the narrator of this book who was making his own assumptions out of nowhere. I fully stand by what I did that day, and I have no feelings of regret. Yes, sorrow and depression did fill my heart, but never guilt.
My friends, I have known all of you for many years. It has killed my soul that the people I grew up with and cared about rejected me as a person. I come here today to speak because these feelings have gone on for too long. Something had to be done in order to purify the Vicario name. Ladies and gentlemen, yes I did kill Santiago Nasar. It was my idea in the first place. I did not come here today to deny the accusations made against me. Instead I wanted everyone to listen to my reasons, as I did not write a book about this event. I killed Santiago, a dear friend of mine, for my family, my honor and my God.  I need nothing more, old friends, than for you to see me as respected man once more. Understand that my brother and I thought about the pros and cons our action for a long time. On page 49, the narrator writes “still, in reality it seemed that the Vicario brothers had done nothing right with a view to killing Santiago Nasar immediately and without any public spectacle…” I am not the kind of man who would commit such an act impulsively. Understand my fellow Colombians that, in retrospect, all of you are just as responsible for his death as I am. After all, you were as fully aware of the murder as I was.

 GOOD WRITING, FIRST TRY BREAKING IT INTO PARAGRAPHS. ALSO, IF HE IS GIVING A DEFENSE SHOULD THERE BE A BACKGROUND, A MEETING, A COURT...