Author Topic: Love it or Hate it  (Read 2373 times)

Offline mickward

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Love it or Hate it
« on: June 10, 2006, 05:07:06 AM »

Summer is so a creature of mysterious renown
To some it brings smiles, but to others a frown
We all pay homage when the temperatures rise
Yet avoid the suns smile by covering our eyes
Summer draws us each year away to the coast
Where we grease our bodies prior to the roast
It's the creator of rainbows with the sun's rays
It shortens disposition whilst lengthening days
The sun can darken skin but brightens moods
It opens men's eyes and closes those of prudes
For me the summer makes me bud and bloom
But I pity those for whom summer brings gloom


Offline Bryn

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Re: Love it or Hate it
« Reply #1 on: June 11, 2006, 09:43:11 PM »
Similar to the Blessing and Cursing one. Was it a rework? 'tis slightly better.

Offline mickward

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Re: Love it or Hate it
« Reply #2 on: June 12, 2006, 03:40:26 AM »
Hi Bryn,

  I really don't think this poem is anything like "The Agony and the Ecstasy", except that it is about the contrasts of summer of course. "The Agony and the Ecstasy" was really meant to be a modern-day benediction, perhaps I should have made it more obvious.

  Mick Ward   

Offline Bryn

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Re: Love it or Hate it
« Reply #3 on: June 12, 2006, 06:41:11 AM »
No, I can see that quite obviously in form and style this poem is quite different from "The Agony and the Ecstasy". All i meant was that i thought you might have reviewed your approach and come up with this. Mick, you seem so defensive all the time, you always disagree. People are only trying to help.

Bryn.

Lin

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Re: Love it or Hate it
« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2006, 07:20:40 AM »
Please take care  - Mick has his reasons for being this way I would like you to respect that. He wrote to me and explained but may not wish to share this with other members.   Its ok Bryn I understand you too!!   You are really a couple of nice guys and I have had the recent pleasure of being in contact with both of you.  Your PM's have been most interesting recently and you are both writing for totally different reasons. I am in the middle reading all your work and I have actually enjoyed the poetry from both of you.   I think Mick needs support right now.   Many thanks

Lin
« Last Edit: June 12, 2006, 07:30:57 AM by Lin »

Offline Bryn

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Re: Love it or Hate it
« Reply #5 on: June 12, 2006, 12:26:44 PM »
Mick, no offense or awkwardness intended. My only intention is to participate in this writer's circle in a way that maximises its benefits. Sorry if i have missed the mark a bit on occasion.

Lin, i don't mean to be a thorn in anyone's side. Your points have been noted.

Bryn.

Lin

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Re: Love it or Hate it
« Reply #6 on: June 12, 2006, 04:43:29 PM »
Hi Mick,

Im back again!!  I loved this poem but I think you might like to consider changing the last line???

But I pity those for whom summer brings gloom.

For many of us summer is a time for change and I really dont think it's all that credible for summer to bring gloom unless you have suddenly had bad news.   Most of us, like yourself, look forward to summer and I would hate to think that summer was gloomy in any way,   Its a very healthy and happy time for most of us.

The whole poem is about lovely positive things and then at the end you change all that and I felt it was a bit of a let down.   Can I suggest something like this:-

For me, the summer makes me bud and bloom
A time for change,  from the winter's gloom

Here you have kept the positive all the way through and the reader can feel moved on to better things instead of being taken backwards to the negative at the end.

Just some ideas to throw around, I hope you dont mind me doing a review for you.   I am a poet at heart and although Im writing a novel- poetry has always been my first love.

Have a nice day

Lin
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Offline mickward

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Re: Love it or Hate it
« Reply #7 on: June 13, 2006, 06:39:43 AM »
Hi Bryn,

  No offence taken.......honest!
  You are certainly not a torn in anyone's side as far as I can tell.
 
  Although it may not appear so, I really do take on board all comments (good or bad) and I try to learn from them. I'm a pretty complex character these days and I may come across a little scratchy sometimes...........sorry.
  I have to admit that, of all the comments I've recieved on this site up to now, yours have been the most fair (but don't tell everybody ok?).

  Regards
  Mick Ward