Author Topic: The Agony and the Ecstasy  (Read 2516 times)

Offline mickward

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The Agony and the Ecstasy
« on: June 07, 2006, 10:51:36 AM »


Bless the grapefruit sunshine in the sky
Bless the candyfloss clouds scudding by
Bless the singing of the sparrow and lark
Bless the children's laughter in the park
Bless the country-garden's sweet perfume
Bless the perfection of roses in full bloom
All these summer treats are thankfully free
But please remember, the summer's misery
Curse the ice-cream man's rise in price
Curse the lechers that short skirts entice
Curse the litter where a man has passed
Curse the owner whose dog fouls grass
Curse the droughts after one month's sun
Curse the rainfall when it spoils the fun






Offline Bryn

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Re: The Agony and the Ecstasy
« Reply #1 on: June 07, 2006, 08:13:41 PM »
Hello again Mick,

I see you're on a poetry spree. May i ask how long it took you to write this one? (Not out of rudeness, to be sure, to be sure!) I only ask because the product here displayed appears highly simplistic and if you're still working on it i won't bother to put to much in-depth feeback yet. All i'll say is that as you develop it, consider what a reader is actually going to get from it. The worst reaction is when someone just reads a poem and forgets. If you're going for humour here, i think there needs to be more of it. If you're writing for children you better lose the 'lechers' line. If you're attempting an original poem about summer then i think you'd better re-assess the imagery you're using. If you're going for an insipid and mellow yet judgemental list of mundane thoughts, then leave it as it is.

Hope this has been of some help, Bryn.

Offline mickward

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Re: The Agony and the Ecstasy
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2006, 04:42:36 AM »
Hi Bryn,
  The answers to your questions ae pretty simple:-
  i have written hundreds of poems since I started writing in the 1970's. Some take an hour or so, others take weeks , i have no idea how long this one took.

  My aim in my poetry is pretty simple. I write for pleasure and I write to leave something behind when I die. I don't give a fig if my work is published, but every one that is gets put into an album for my ancestors, to let them see whio i was and what made me tick. i welcome comments and despite what siome may think on this site, i do take them on board and learn from them......i'd be pretty sad not to.

  I'm curious about your reference to children. Are you a children's writer? i have written a lot of children's poetry (comic verse) and am working on a children's book, so i'd appreciate any tips if you are in that area yourself.

  Mick Ward
« Last Edit: June 08, 2006, 04:47:52 AM by mickward »

Offline Bryn

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Re: The Agony and the Ecstasy
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2006, 07:37:18 AM »
Mick,

I don't usually write for children,  I would say that the best poet to read for inspiration on children's writing, if not the best poet that the good lord ever put on this earth, is John Hegley. You've probably heard of him, but if not, he writes amusing poems and many are about his childhood. They aren't directly for children, but his manner and style is often infantile in a very self-conscious way.

I think writing writing for pleasure is fine, and as for posterity i believe that is in the back of every writer's mind. Since i have only read a few of your poems i could be wrong, but do your poems actually say anything about you? Why not consider your motivation, the tenuous link between you, the poetry and your descendants and write on that?

i think you really need to focus on what it is you're trying to achieve with your poetry; i don't believe that you 'write purely for pleasure' otherwise you wouldn't be posting it on here. I would very much like to see one of your poems ammended. development is, after all, essential to good writing. it would be misguided to post poetry on here for feedback assuming the poem is complete.

Good luck, Bryn.
« Last Edit: June 08, 2006, 08:37:46 AM by Bryn »

Offline mickward

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Re: The Agony and the Ecstasy
« Reply #4 on: June 08, 2006, 11:56:12 AM »
Hi Bryn,

  Yes I write more personal poetry that uis aimed at explaining my life and my inner thoughts about my friends and family, but these will never appear for public view until I'm long buried.
  I do write for pure pleasure and on hindsight i mighthave been wrong to put my work on this site. I tried other sites, but the feedback was scant to say the least. I appreciate feedback and i absorb all that is said about my work (good and bad). I make notes against each poem criticised and, if appropriate, I do alter the piece of work accordingly. Maybe it's hard to understand why someone would write purely for pleasure? Well, in my past, i have been successful in two careers and feel that the one thing I've learned is that it means nothing unless a man can show that he has left something behind for others to either enjoy or be influenced by. Maybe i'm unusual, but so was Van Gogh and he didn't sell any work whilst alive i believe.........nor did he care.

  Mick Ward

Offline CarrieSheppard

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Re: The Agony and the Ecstasy
« Reply #5 on: June 08, 2006, 06:34:58 PM »
I can relate to the writing for your own pleasure and for posterity bit.  The stuff I write that is highly personal doesn't get put up here - but I may share occasionally.  Depends what you want to do with it - if a view is to publishing then sharing and receiving feedback is sensible.  If you just want to leave something behind for your family, then that's fine.

I write and perform songs and you get all sorts of feedback - from 'crap song crap singing' to 'wonderful, sign an autograph, sell me your cd...' - it is all about perception.  You take the good with the bad - no one can be all things to all people. 

Re the above poem - solid structure but agree with Bryn that it is perhaps a little too frivolous.  But enjoyable still.   :)

Carrie