Author Topic: Screenplay: Point Deception adapted from the novel - dialogue/strong language  (Read 1525 times)

Offline SeaDoc

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I really got some good suggestions on my opening scene that I have revised (see previous). I've become emboldened and would like to try out a little dialogue. It's correctly formated on my end, however going from .doc to this format loses something in the translation. So, once again for the sake of neatness I'll just present it without the proper TABs. Thanks for your patience.

Jim

INT. COAST GUARD HEADQUARTERS WASHINGTON - EARLY MORNING

Coast Guard Headquarters is a flurry of activity. The COMMANDANT has just been informed that three Coast Guard personnel have been killed by the Air Force in a FRIENDLY FIRE incident. The look of outrage on his face says it all. He is visibly shaken, his eyes brim with tears.

He is pacing back and forth, in front of his massive antique oak desk; his voice cracks as he issues instructions to a nervous aide, attempting to copy everything down on a page of his legal pad.

COMMANDANT RANDOLPH
(loud and angry)
Get me the Assistant Chairman of the Joint Chiefs at the God damn Pentagon.
(pause)
I don't care if he's having coffee with
the President; I want that Air Force prick
to explain to me why, not one but three of
his so called eagle eyed pilots couldn't
recognize the silhouette of one of our
patrol boats that have been in country for
over a year now.
(his voice heard clearly outside of the office)
GOOD DAMN THEM TO HELL!

COMMANDANT'S AIDE
(voice sounding nervous)
Admiral, General Sedgwick from the Joint
Chiefs on line one for you sir.

COMMANDANT RANDOLPH
Good morning General Sedgwick this is Admiral
Randolph the Commandant of the Coast Guard.

GENERAL SEDGWICK (V.O.)
I know who you are Admiral, what can I do
for you?

COMMANDANT RANDOLPH
Well for starters you can tell me when you're
going to start the Article 32 investigation
preparatory to the general courts martial for
your incompetent pilots who just murdered
three of my men.

GENERAL SEDGWICK (V.O.)
(condescending tone of voice)
Now Admiral don't you take that tone with me.
Of course I've heard of the unfortunate accident,
but that's all it was just an accident because
your people refused to properly identify themselves.

COMMANDANT RANDOLPH
(louder and angrier)
I'll take any tone I damn well please. Your hotshot
pilots should be flying with fucking SEEING EYE
DOGS. The eighty two foot patrol boat has a very
distinctive silhouette, flies the AMERICAN FLAG,
and has UNITED STATES COAST GUARD in white letters
two feet high on both sides of the dark grey
superstructure.
(pause)
Explain to me, if you can,
how your trigger happy sky cowboys missed all that
while coming in for multiple low level strafing runs
and killing my people.

GENERAL SEDGWICK (V.O.)
(condescending tone)
Commandant Randolph, I understand your sense of loss
believe me. You have my deepest sympathies, but it
was just an unfortunate friendly fire incident,
regrettable, but these things happen in war.

COMMANDANT RANDOLPH
(visibly struggling to control the rage in his voice)
General you don't understand a God damn thing
about me or the Coast Guard. If you and the
rest of the brass hat peckerwoods at the Pentagon think
that you can just dismiss the murders of my
three men as some kind of friendly fire bullshit,
you had better think again! God damn it!

Anyhow, that's how I think the commandant might have reacted to the news. What do you think?

Jim
Jim Gilliam
USNS WALTER S. DIEHL T-AO 193

You have never lived;
'Til you've almost died;
For those who fight for it;
Life has a flavor;
The protected will never know!