Author Topic: Frontier justice short story --6000 words presented in two parts  (Read 3152 times)

Offline Gyppo

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Re: Frontier justice short story --6000 words presented in two parts
« Reply #15 on: December 27, 2009, 06:33:50 AM »
Welcome back.

My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at

Offline Calrootpeg

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Re: Frontier justice short story --6000 words presented in two parts
« Reply #16 on: January 05, 2010, 01:26:19 AM »
Points well stated about receiving critique.  The critique of the critiqued was better than the story which when copy and pasted was, in and of itself, a book.  Contention always leads to interest, and now the project is interesting.

I would take their advice.  Not all, but some.  They didn't knock the story line, just the mechanics.  I liked it, but it stumbled at times. If you're 70ish, find a copy editor, give them what you want by incorporating the prior critics advice.  Have a list like, verb tense, redundant words, ... whatever the editor can do.  Re-post a third of the edited version... there is no shame in seeking help, after all your in the critiquing section.  Here it is! fair-game and red meat....  don't quit, fight on and

Write-on to finish.....  Good story... We need the Wild West and you should tell it.     :)


Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: Frontier justice short story --6000 words presented in two parts
« Reply #17 on: January 05, 2010, 12:39:26 PM »
For the record, I live, and always have, in the USA; a Texan - bred and born. (It has always seemed to be the usual "born and bred" saying was ass-backwards.)

Also, I grew up watching mainly Western Movies because that what our theater showed on a Saturday afternoon. I've read most (if not all) of Louis L'Amore's western books along with Zane Gray and a few others.

With that established I will tell you that I like the story you have presented so far, but it's possible to do better justice to both the story and your characters. Some of the critiques I read are right on point in my opinion.

I know how hard it is to receive critiqes on work you love, I went though that at first and still do at time. When it stings like a fire ant, I leave it for a couple of days before coming back to read again and hopefully see what is being said that can be helpful to me.

Aside from what has already been said, the thing that bothered me most was the over use of commas. This is something I have always had to fight against myself. One thing I do to cut down on commas is to print the story out and then read it Out Loud to myself.

This seems to make the unneeded commas jump out at me and allows to to cross them out.

I wish you all the best in polishing your story and look forward to reading more when you are ready to share.

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