Author Topic: Mini challenge — Tomatoes!  (Read 4652 times)

Offline Mark H

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Mini challenge — Tomatoes!
« on: November 15, 2009, 11:41:10 AM »
No rules, no voting, just post your tomato poem as a reply to this thread.
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Offline Gyppo

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Re: Mini challenge — Tomatoes!
« Reply #1 on: November 15, 2009, 12:32:41 PM »
Someone has to start the ball rolling.  I'm currently between chapters and in a funny mood  So...

I am a 'cherry' tomato,
still 'on the vine' as it happens.
This means I'm virgin,
pure,
untouched,
unspoiled.

Unlike my bigger cousins
who have been
right royally fucked.
Left, Right, and Centre,
with pesticides,
poison sprays,
and genetic splicing.

Seriously now,
where would you rather
sink your teeth?

Gyppo
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Offline eric

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Re: Mini challenge — Tomatoes!
« Reply #2 on: November 15, 2009, 12:39:34 PM »
Um, that's a bit of telling isn't it Gyppo?  But, um, what about the part you're not telling us?  Er, having to do with certain electronic equipment?  And rodents?  In your life as a red fruit, um, er, have you been squirting your wild oats elsewhere?  Just curious what your new bride has to say about things  like that.  

Congratulations by the way, old sod.  Best wishes to you and Miss K.

(Erghh)
« Last Edit: November 15, 2009, 01:05:42 PM by eric »

Offline Akeith (Gray)

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Re: Mini challenge — Tomatoes!
« Reply #3 on: November 15, 2009, 12:39:58 PM »
Well, I'll kick the ball along, so watch out in left field...



Tom Foolery Or Supper In The Old Folks Home  


Potatoes?
What’s this about potatoes?
Somebody get me a spoon and get out of my way.

Mmmm!
I love potatoes.
Fried, baked, boiled, scrambled.
Even grilled.

Mom always said,
it’s the Irish in me,
although I’m a Heinz 57, a mutt of fine repute,
a Texan.

So, then, what’s up with this blue plate of green fried tomatoes,
and with ranchero dressing on the side?

That’s salad. Not food.
That’s what you look at when you’re waiting on the food.
That’s a promissory note that meat is on the way.*

Ugh.
Carnivore’s nightmare indeed.

Lille? Pete?
Fetch me my hearing aid.
I left it beside the bed when I grabbed my teeth.



(* stolen borrowed from John Pinette)
« Last Edit: November 15, 2009, 08:09:21 PM by Gray »

Offline Mark H

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Re: Mini challenge — Tomatoes!
« Reply #4 on: November 15, 2009, 01:08:13 PM »
Ambition Thwarted

Italian and vine ripened;
he looked down his stem
at those feeble Dutch
poly-tunnel peasants
with their sluttish
iceberg companions
and chav-like packaging.

Tomato was destined
for greatness.
His ultimate sacrifice
would add piquancy
and gusto
to nothing less than
a vigorous Tuscan Ragu.

And yet,
as super hated dust settled
behind the van trundling
down the farm track,
he was sure he glimpsed
the logo of the Beast:

HEINZ


« Last Edit: November 15, 2009, 01:12:18 PM by Mark. »
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Offline eric

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Re: Mini challenge — Tomatoes!
« Reply #5 on: November 15, 2009, 08:59:22 PM »
Hillbilly

Ripe, red, round,
smooth skinned

firm, fleshly, juicy,
very juicy, red
(did I say red?)
and tasty, god how tasty,
lovely, sweet, salty,
fine, so fine.

I love her tender
seedy, juicy,
real-goodness squeeze.
She’s even good to eat,
 
nutritious, delicious,
perspicacious,
multivalent,
tight as a cherry  
inhalant
 
but most salient
sneaks over me
like a ninja.

She sits on the plate surrounded
by blood oranges
dissembling, waiting
for the train,
my mouth,
a Ming Dynasty tongue
or something like it

with hot sauce
and chocolate
« Last Edit: November 16, 2009, 09:45:05 AM by eric »

Offline Spell Chick

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Re: Mini challenge — Tomatoes!
« Reply #6 on: November 16, 2009, 08:28:36 AM »
Full, voluptuous, taunting
Teasing hanging there
Begging to be touched, plucked
Savored.

Luscious and ripe
Paired for delight

Get your mind out of the gutter

I'm speaking of the gardener's fruit
Tomatoes
Little Bits of History A short essay on something that happened on any day.

Imperfect Reason My thoughts, such as they are.

Offline eric

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Re: Mini challenge — Tomatoes!
« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2009, 10:46:59 AM »
Is the gutter where you usually do it, Patti? 

If I may say so, dear, your poem is offensively bad.  To whom can I complain about this violation of the standards of the arbiters of taste?

Offline eric

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Re: Mini challenge — Tomatoes!
« Reply #8 on: November 16, 2009, 11:26:04 AM »
On the other hand, Shard's is brilliant and gorgeous, like a Big Rainbow on a steak plank.
« Last Edit: November 16, 2009, 11:44:41 AM by eric »

Offline eric

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Re: Mini challenge — Tomatoes!
« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2009, 03:55:21 PM »
A few comments Shard.  Does setting = sitting in the last line?
Are you telling instead of showing when you say you want to fuck the gentleman with the beard in his garden, or does this fall under a "musing" exception, but if so what is it?  I suppose it works anyway.  But as you use it, is fuck an abstraction?  This is a language question I've long wondered about, actually.
« Last Edit: November 16, 2009, 04:01:01 PM by eric »

Offline Spell Chick

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Re: Mini challenge — Tomatoes!
« Reply #10 on: November 16, 2009, 04:04:07 PM »
Is the gutter where you usually do it, Patti? 

If I may say so, dear, your poem is offensively bad.  To whom can I complain about this violation of the standards of the arbiters of taste?

I think you complain to the same place I complain for a personal attack. ;D
Little Bits of History A short essay on something that happened on any day.

Imperfect Reason My thoughts, such as they are.

Offline eric

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Re: Mini challenge — Tomatoes!
« Reply #11 on: November 16, 2009, 04:24:33 PM »
That's what I thought.  Nice effort, though, dear.

Offline Shard

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Re: Mini challenge — Tomatoes!
« Reply #12 on: November 16, 2009, 04:47:38 PM »
Eric-- "setting": no, actually, I did proofread the poem before posting-- making sure my dyslexia didn't get the better of me. I wanted "setting"-- the intransitive verb (i.e. the sun sets) to mean to "sink" or similar. Is "fucking" an abstraction? I dunno. Is "eating", "sleeping", "drinking"-- I mean, certainly one could use a metonymy of those words. They're still "large" words. So, in that respect, yes, I think the girl in my poem is being overly, bashfully telling. When writing this, I thought the directness of that line would be apt. Maybe not.

Spell Chick-- I thought your poem had a nice premise. This probably isn't the right place to post a critique, but Eric started it!  :D
So, I think if you were to describe the "teasing and taunting" nature of the tomatoes, to give tomatoes a stronger innuendo, I think the last line will be far more effective, poignant even. Just my two cents. I did enjoy reading it.

Offline Spell Chick

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Re: Mini challenge — Tomatoes!
« Reply #13 on: November 16, 2009, 06:10:31 PM »
Shard, Thanks. I'm not really a poet, but I do like to play with words.
I'm not sure how tomatoes tease and taunt. :D  If I did, I would take a stab at showing ...
Little Bits of History A short essay on something that happened on any day.

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Offline Mark H

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Re: Mini challenge — Tomatoes!
« Reply #14 on: November 16, 2009, 06:29:53 PM »
A tomato-faced fella named Eric
was celibate just like a cleric.
He would not procreate
but he did masturbate
and write poems on themes esoteric.
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