Author Topic: Swamp Bird  (Read 5716 times)

Offline Uncle Bill

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Swamp Bird
« on: May 25, 2006, 09:57:51 PM »
   Swamp-Bird


The bird

           Bends the

                        Reed

                              Almost

                                Touching

                                      the                                                       dances    over                                   

                                                                             And                                             the
                       .   .   .   Water   .   .   .                                c / a / t / t / a / i / l / s.
Leetonia: It ain't the end of the world.  But you can see it from there.

Offline Cathy C

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Re: Swamp Bird
« Reply #1 on: May 25, 2006, 10:35:31 PM »
UB

You know I'm crap at poetry but I had to comment on this..... :o

The start reminded me so much of Haiku... then you got to "touching the".... and then you stopped. >:(  What was that about? ???

Was the layout deliberate? Am I missing something? (wouldn't be the first time but this is my first day off tablets and I thought I was back in the land of the living. ::))

Enlighten me Uncle Bill ( I know you will, betcha can't help yourself. ;D)

CATHY C
Novel: Where There’s Smoke. Published by Fireborn publishing http://amzn.to/2tZKNCn

Short Story: A Killer Week Published by Bridge House http://amzn.to/2rhLVAX

Offline Cathy C

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Re: Swamp Bird
« Reply #2 on: May 25, 2006, 10:40:17 PM »
P.S. The c/a/t/t/a/i/l/s at the bottom of your post: does that refer to pussy willows? Or is a secret code? 8)

Do tell. To tell! ;D

CATHY C
Novel: Where There’s Smoke. Published by Fireborn publishing http://amzn.to/2tZKNCn

Short Story: A Killer Week Published by Bridge House http://amzn.to/2rhLVAX

Offline actpoet1

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Re: Swamp Bird
« Reply #3 on: May 26, 2006, 12:22:41 AM »
Unlce Bill,

this reminds of Beat poems. You focused on the words on the page and used that to show us the bird swooping down. Nice, if you get a chance, grab The Beat Reader. You'll like it.
Write on,

actpoet1

If you want, click on the link below and walk into my mind. My name is in the middle on the right.

http://users.skynet.be/spier/argoboatbruce.htm

Offline Uncle Bill

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Re: Swamp Bird
« Reply #4 on: May 26, 2006, 08:47:09 AM »
Cathy,

You should read the poem as a sentence: "The bird bends the reed almost touching the water and dances over the cattails."  Those cattails, Typha latifolia,  are plants found in marshy areas here in the USA, and that feature long leaves with parallel veination, and brown, sausage-shaped heads of tightly packed flowers.  Hope that helps.

UB
Leetonia: It ain't the end of the world.  But you can see it from there.

Offline CarrieSheppard

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Re: Swamp Bird
« Reply #5 on: May 26, 2006, 05:51:57 PM »
It's a visual poem - the words are the bird 'dancing', the cat-tails are the reeds - I loved it. 

UB you are a wonderful talent - how much have you had published? 

Carrie   

Offline Uncle Bill

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Re: Swamp Bird
« Reply #6 on: May 26, 2006, 07:35:46 PM »
Carrie Dear,

Thank you for the kind comments.  I've written perhaps a half a dozen articles for a church publication that were published, as well as 6-7 articles for a metropolitan newspaper.  Other than that, I've never had anything published.  I've never even tried to submit anything.

UB
Leetonia: It ain't the end of the world.  But you can see it from there.

Lin

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Re: Swamp Bird
« Reply #7 on: May 27, 2006, 03:35:22 AM »
Have you all missed something?????????

Aha I spotted this because I am a birdwatcher!!
Look at the shape of the letters and you will see a SWAN!!!!  OR IT COULD BE A Grebe or even a duck  Its A  PICTURE.  Put the words to one side for now and see the layout where Uncle Bill has placed the letters. A visual poem.
 THIS IS CLEVER STUFF


Lin x x
« Last Edit: May 27, 2006, 03:42:39 AM by Lin »

Offline Uncle Bill

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Re: Swamp Bird
« Reply #8 on: May 27, 2006, 09:25:55 AM »
Lin,

Clever?  I don't think so.  No one has ever accused me of that.  You might try inadvertent or something like that to describe "Swamp Bird."  (But thanks for being nice.)

UB
Leetonia: It ain't the end of the world.  But you can see it from there.

Offline mickward

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Re: Swamp Bird
« Reply #9 on: May 27, 2006, 12:30:35 PM »
I have never understood this type of petry and I guess I never will. i hate birds too (unless they are cooked), so I guess that this was never going to work for me. On the good side, at leasty you got loads of feedback !!

Offline Uncle Bill

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Re: Swamp Bird
« Reply #10 on: May 27, 2006, 10:46:58 PM »
Mick,

I'm not so sure that "visual" poetry like "Swamp Bird" is ever intended to be understood in the same sense that conventional poetry is.  Rather, it may be more useful to think of it as the work of a show-off eight-year old, without any poetic pretensions of attempting to convey anything serious and meaningful.  It's supposed to make you smile; not think.  It's pure fluff, my friend.

UB
Leetonia: It ain't the end of the world.  But you can see it from there.

Offline caliban1

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Re: Swamp Bird
« Reply #11 on: May 29, 2006, 01:25:28 AM »
UB,
Another good piece of writing.  You are letting your versatility show. I think you said to someone that this is pure "fluff."  Visual poetry like much free verse is an experience.  It does more than just convey a meaning; it pulls the reader into the poem. Just look at the responses, people are thinking and involved.  I always enjoy reading your posts.

WB
It is all a metaphor.

Offline lena

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Re: Swamp Bird
« Reply #12 on: May 29, 2006, 10:29:59 AM »
Beautiful poem. Yes, it's haiku - like: motion ,space, etc. I  like it so much!!  ;D I sometimes write poems like this myself.

Offline Uncle Bill

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Re: Swamp Bird
« Reply #13 on: May 29, 2006, 11:01:30 PM »
Lena,

Well, thank you so much.  I'm glad you liked it.

UB
Leetonia: It ain't the end of the world.  But you can see it from there.

sjreed56

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Re: Swamp Bird
« Reply #14 on: May 30, 2006, 01:16:33 AM »
Hi! Uncle Bill,
This is very cleaver, but I didn’t understand it until you explained either. I read “The Bird bends the reed almost touching the dances over and the water cattails.” but I know I’m a bit slow.  No excuse, no tablets.   :P ~ Sherry

Oh, I think in the south my family called cat-tails, pussy willows.