Author Topic: Daemons in the Wire  (Read 3676 times)

Offline Vienna

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Re: Daemons in the Wire
« Reply #15 on: October 30, 2009, 10:21:01 AM »

eric, yes indeed in the end is it good or not is the question to be asked. hmmm can, in this case a poem, be interesting despite not being good?
Just a well-read punk peasant

Going to church makes you a christian as much as standing in a garage makes you a car!

Offline eric

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Re: Daemons in the Wire
« Reply #16 on: October 30, 2009, 10:24:09 AM »
heh, well, it strikes me that you may be a good example, that to an interesting mind many things (or all things) are of interest.

Offline Vienna

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Re: Daemons in the Wire
« Reply #17 on: October 30, 2009, 10:40:05 AM »
hmm I am interested in many things and I think unless one is (interested in many things) one doesn't, indeed,  cannot find out what is good and what isn't ............! hmm I dont like the poem, and dont need to "translate" it to not like it. "Modern" poets put words and not only words on the page in a variety of ways, so its not the txtspk that makes it not a good poem, I think too much concentration, by  the writer, on txtspk, stopped any chance of this being a good poem.
Just a well-read punk peasant

Going to church makes you a christian as much as standing in a garage makes you a car!

Offline eric

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Re: Daemons in the Wire
« Reply #18 on: October 30, 2009, 10:54:48 AM »
well, as Amie says, and I agree with her, the txtspk was not enough to help a very weak poem.

Offline Vienna

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Re: Daemons in the Wire
« Reply #19 on: October 30, 2009, 11:00:06 AM »


what about a revision without the txtspk?
Just a well-read punk peasant

Going to church makes you a christian as much as standing in a garage makes you a car!

Offline Amie

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Re: Daemons in the Wire
« Reply #20 on: October 30, 2009, 11:17:51 AM »
what about a revision without the txtspk?

But then you lose the only thing that gave it a bit of oomph and menace (albeit only slightly).

I think a revision sufficient to overcome the basic flaws on the poem without text speak would in effect be an entirely different poem.

And also, I agree with Malfesto, the textspeak is integral to this poem. But, ironically, if the base poem could be appreciated on its own merits, then the text speak would just be an annoying distraction. ... but maybe I'm wrong - perhaps it's possible to make the base poem stronger, but in such a way that the text speak further elevates it. I don't know. All I do know is that this poem as is isn't doing it for me. And the main reason for that is that the basic poem is just not very good, once you strip away the text speak. (sorry Malfesto)
"You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet." - Kafka

Offline Bubbles

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Re: Daemons in the Wire
« Reply #21 on: October 30, 2009, 05:23:58 PM »
Hi

I see how this poem has achieved its goal in one way, it's certainly unusual, and has got itself a lot of attention.
And, I like the novelty of the computer-game speak.  However, after the kind translation by Amie, I find it's
content is just not there, for me.  But wait, I'm famous for missing the point, so I hope you're not offended.
I just wish I could see the story of the poem as I'm sure you are a talented poet.
This one's not for me, sorry.

Bubbles. 

Offline eric

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Re: Daemons in the Wire
« Reply #22 on: October 30, 2009, 05:29:30 PM »
hi Bubbles!  long time no see.  welcome back

Offline Malfesto

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Re: Daemons in the Wire
« Reply #23 on: October 30, 2009, 06:08:06 PM »
bloody hell...I really didn't expect so many comments just from a little experiment. I'm glad a lot of people agree that the l33t sp34k does need to be there. I'm revising this one at the moment so I'll post an updated version soon.

thanks everyone.
Sean Young is a technology and video game journalist based in the UK. He writes for a series of websites on a freelance basis. Beyond his journalistic work, he has an epic collection of published poetry...totalling at 1.

Lin

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Re: Daemons in the Wire
« Reply #24 on: October 31, 2009, 05:11:55 AM »
Glad you are taking this in good spirit Malfesto.  None of us wish you to take it personally and I think your attitude from the comments made by all of us is excellent.

I think you now realise that for most of us, it probably didnt work.  On the other hand it seems you have your fans, which is great.  One has to have balance in this life. 

Thanks for taking our comments so positively,  all the best to you, critique is so important if you want to learn and move on.  I've had so many "bashings" in the past, I am becoming immuned, but on the other hand I have learned so much by balancing the rough with the smooth.
Lin x