Author Topic: A short sketch...  (Read 11271 times)

Offline irallan

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1104
  • "G'day from WA"
Re: A short sketch...
« Reply #15 on: October 05, 2010, 01:23:47 AM »
Very familar Monty Python overtones and possibilities. Not too bad on it's own in my opinion but with the tweaks suggested , has great potential. Was not roll on the floor stuff for me but raised a smile in places..regards..Iain
"You can take the boy out of the country...."


  • Guest
Re: A short sketch...
« Reply #16 on: October 16, 2010, 12:42:48 AM »
irallan has it right. Monty is one along with many other short and quick sit-coms. U.S. wise, Carroll Burnett with Tim Conway, Johnny Carson and some of his memorable skits. Your on the right track.

I will tell you this; comedy can be difficult to write. Don't worry about some of the more negative posts here. You need to stay with your thoughts and write until you finish. Many times in comedy when looking for a critique people won't get it. That's the way it is. That being said, many new writers land opportunity's because they bring in a fresh set of ideas that pro's tend to run out of; especially in the TV business. The trick is to be able to continue to write this humour in a long series; and then you will do very well.



Offline lovelylexi

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 9
Re: A short sketch...
« Reply #17 on: October 23, 2010, 02:36:18 PM »
I did find it entertaining... not funny but definetely something to listen to on the radio while driving to work and then share with coworkers in a " Isn't this guy just as stupid as can be?" So it is something entertaining and to get peoples minds going but it could be improved... to make funny so I can laugh... no pun intended ;)

Offline englishdork34

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 8
Re: A short sketch...
« Reply #18 on: October 28, 2010, 05:34:32 PM »

Well I am a inexperienced writer, but after reading this, I felt like the humor could have been a bit dryer. I think you have a great plot set up, don't get me wrong! But perhaps making the character banter a little more witty and the characters more animated. For example, I would picture heaven's operator lady to be excessively peppy and happy rather than mean and bitchy. It is heaven after all where everyone is supposed to be cheery. :) And I agree with what some of the others commentators had mentioned about Jason being more upset and unapppreciative of the situation he has been put in. After all, he has just been told he died, but it turns out he's crazy. So, just a few tips I wanted to throw out there. Hope you continue with your play writing!   :D

Offline Kiryana

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 79
Re: A short sketch...
« Reply #19 on: October 30, 2010, 12:05:59 AM »
I think the fact that you don't stick to the norm of what everyone would expect with your characters personalities and reactions is what makes it funny.  The unexpected is what grips you and keeps you interested. If you can predict how a character will act right away I think you lose the initial snag that your work has. But in the end take a little away from what everyone says on here and I think you will have a piece of work that will fit a broader audience.

Good luck,
"Whether we bring our enemies to justice, or justice to our enemies, justice will be done."