Author Topic: Uninvited guest  (Read 673 times)

Offline Logmil

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Uninvited guest
« on: September 22, 2009, 05:28:26 PM »
-Uninvited guest-

The pounding on my door
implanted vexing thoughts,
like the annoying taste
of lukewarm coffee.

A deplorable guest
has entered my domain,
greeted with the same welcome
as that of a sewer rat.

With a name--Fear--
he has come to haunt me
with thoughts of future failure;
a terror from a chilling nightmare.

I try to force Fear out my door,
though he does not budge.
Taking root in my mind,
he has come to stay and judge.

Though I want him to recognize
his overstayed welcome,
I am a sheep to his desires;
giving food to the taxing mutt.

Fear insists for more and more;
conceding will only snowball
into an avalanche carrying me
to the very bottom of the hill.

I bear my own yoke of indecision.
He cannot stay here
and expect me to sit idly by,
stuck in his dissecting eyes.

Why won't he LEAVE?

I stash him in the closet
with a slice of bread,
beside other skeletons
of uninvited guests.

Fear better not escape.
I locked him in the closet,
and closed my blinders;
face-down on my pillow.

-Logan-
« Last Edit: September 23, 2009, 12:46:51 AM by Logmil »
Trust the intangibles...

Offline Tina

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Re: Uninvited guest
« Reply #1 on: September 22, 2009, 11:39:55 PM »

I found these lines very intriguing and they help me to interpet or understand your poem, just I'm not sure if I'm on the same wave length as everyone else.... :D

With a name--Fear--    anxiety?

greeted with the same welcome
as that of a sewer rat.

with thoughts of future failure;

Taking root in my mind,
he has come to stay and judge.

with a slice of bread,

I'm gonna say you've disguised your poem about anxiety having it read about a very chilling, dark and very unwelcome stranger.  Kind of Edgar Allen Poe style

....creepy and delightful.  Hope I'm not too far off the mark.   I've read it about seven times.

 Was this something you were going to try to get published? Or perhaps a prelude to a story?

Offline Logmil

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Re: Uninvited guest
« Reply #2 on: September 22, 2009, 11:57:16 PM »
ACTUALLY, if you read the post called "Answers? (temporary title)," it was a little poem that I hastily finished and evidently didn't think through too much...by the end of my failing revisions, I had a completely different idea with it than when it was originally written...I decided to take John's advice (sort of) and just start over, but this time with the direction I had in mind after the last revision...I felt this one was considerably more direct and clearer (at least to me...)...

And yes, I admit that while I was formulating this, "the raven" definitely came to mind, but obviously I didn't copy the repetition that Poe used for his...

The poem for me is about dealing with the fear that tends to go along with making a heavy decision.  It's obviously not literal, and I was hoping to keep a sort of ominous feel to it, but I am unaware of whether or not that aura is evident or not to someone else.

I wasn't expecting to publish this, I am still just trying to get a better grasp of writing in general.  If you read the other one, I think it will be obvious that I have some work to accomplish before I can just spit one out in one sitting...

Nonetheless, thank you for the comment Tina...if there is anything that might make this poem more formidable, please let me know.

-Logan-
Trust the intangibles...