Author Topic: Bars’ Return  (Read 4743 times)

Offline actpoet1

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Bars’ Return
« on: May 18, 2006, 03:33:31 PM »
I’ll wait for you, arms
stretched
like a trapeze showman’s
for the bars’
return.

SAY8
Write on,

actpoet1

If you want, click on the link below and walk into my mind. My name is in the middle on the right.

http://users.skynet.be/spier/argoboatbruce.htm

Offline CarrieSheppard

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Re: Bars’ Return
« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2006, 05:17:21 PM »
Nice - is it Haiku?  Can't remember the exact form.  Right feel though - and says it all in so few words.

Carrie

Offline Saphía

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Re: Bars’ Return
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2006, 12:17:09 PM »
its simple, short and very effective, I cant remember the structure for cirtain forms of poetry (i just write what comes into my head)
I like this  :)
Saphía x

Offline CarrieSheppard

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Re: Bars’ Return
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2006, 01:50:35 PM »
As long as we don't have to answer exam questions - what does it matter!  Like the unicorn - nice one!

Carrie

Offline actpoet1

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Re: Bars’ Return
« Reply #4 on: May 21, 2006, 07:45:15 PM »
Thank you. But I was wondering what you though was going on in the poem? Care to elaborate?
Write on,

actpoet1

If you want, click on the link below and walk into my mind. My name is in the middle on the right.

http://users.skynet.be/spier/argoboatbruce.htm

Offline Symphony

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Re: Bars’ Return
« Reply #5 on: May 22, 2006, 03:38:45 AM »
I'm guessing it's lost love, here? Or someone gone away? You're waiting for his/her return.

The 'like a trapeze showman's' confused me at first - because I expected the 'arms' afterwards, not before - to be honest, it took me a few minutes to work it out. The bars confused me A LOT - I went through an array of possible meanings until I got it, I'm afraid. Somehow - once I'd linked the arms to the trapeze artist (does one say trapeze showman? not sure that works so well) I was so pleased I'd worked it out I 'left him behind'. I had to think about it for ages because it was driving me nuts. Now that I know what you're saying, it's all perfectly clear! (but I think it should be 'bar's' - apostrophe before the 's' - he'd only be waiting for one bar at a time - even if two are moving ...)

I love the idea of this and the image is clever. I'm a little concerned that it took me a while to get to the bottom of it - but quite frankly, that's probably just my alzheimers kicking in again!!!  ;D

Short and effective!

Symphony

Offline actpoet1

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Re: Bars’ Return
« Reply #6 on: May 22, 2006, 12:05:46 PM »
Symphony, let me answer your questions.

1. I used trapeze "showman" because I thought it would evoke drama. When I see the word 'showman', I imagine the tense drama of people dangling in the air waiting for the "bars" to save them.
 
2. I used bars' so I could implicitly inform the reader that although the speaker is waiting for her (the bar) to come back, it's not a perfect love. At times you feels as if he's behind [bars].

Get it?
Write on,

actpoet1

If you want, click on the link below and walk into my mind. My name is in the middle on the right.

http://users.skynet.be/spier/argoboatbruce.htm

Offline Symphony

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Re: Bars’ Return
« Reply #7 on: May 22, 2006, 02:39:05 PM »
Aha! Yes, I get it. I DID get the sense, then - I didn't get the 'prison bar' image as well, but that's possibly just me.

I liked the brevity - and the whole 'trapeze' image you used. Still think it's clever - and very appropriate.

Symphony