Author Topic: Fish Netting  (Read 1003 times)

Offline Akeith (Gray)

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Fish Netting
« on: July 23, 2009, 12:43:59 AM »

Fish Netting      

The net,
slender limp hemp
tacked to the wall
like drapes looped
when waxing the floor,
decorates dim silhouettes
cast from low-lying expressions,
slurred blurs of low-watt faces
keeling from double doors,
metal barriers
that keep the salty heat
of a moonlit night
at bay.

The club,
Mary‘s Aquarium
nicknamed The Fishhook,
caps stilts
in a lean on the curve
of the Texas Gulf shore.

Tumblers and bullet shot glasses,
full of ricocheted chinks
of lonely ice,
sit around tiny round
scattered tabletops,
the gritty color of peanut shells.

decorates slim legs
quick to thicken
below the hem
above the heels,
shiny black spikes
grey stitched with scuffs,
pleated with placid sequins,
pointy toe taps marking time
to a silent tune
played against
a brassy jukebox swoon.

Netting fish,
the disguise of the advertised
sex without the internet appeal,
an old fashion dish,
an old fashion crock,
one meal only,
the stinker’s special,
breathless and baited,
offers the hook,
the line,

and the sinker.


Offline indar

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Re: Fish Netting
« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2009, 10:03:11 PM »
I've figured out how this thingy works. If no one comments on a poem it falls off the edge of the earth, there's no orderly progression here. Well Gray if I, now a seasoned junior, may suggest something; I see a mistake I make myself in this poem I think. I see it in my poem Star Light Years in which I got very clever playing the idea of stars in the astronomical sense against stars in the movies and back and forth i went but a lot of it was extraneous to the message. I revised it starting with the 3 lines Eric thought were non-telling but I am still so confused about what I'm trying to accomplish i'm not certain how successful the revision was.. Anyway, I think you may have gotten too involved in playing with the fishnet (wall decor and stockings I believe?) references and the statement you were making about the woman got a little lost. I love the imagery in such lines as "slurred blurs of low watt faces",

Offline Akeith (Gray)

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Re: Fish Netting
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2009, 10:29:22 PM »
Thank you, indar. Your comments are spot on.

I was going for the 3 "nets", 1) decor on a wall of a seaside bar, 2)the woman in the bar and her stockings, and 3) "fishing" or "netting fish" as in trying to find some one to have sex with in a one night stand.

But you are right, I think. It really didn't work out this time. I believe it's all to stretched out and too forced together in places. But hey, that's I post it, to see how it came across to readers other than me.

I appreciate you taking the time with this. You have been helpful.


Offline AndriaLevitsky

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Re: Fish Netting
« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2021, 08:45:45 AM »
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