Author Topic: New Orleans Dream  (Read 1555 times)

Offline canadianpoet

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New Orleans Dream
« on: July 02, 2009, 03:31:44 PM »
In my dreams things are the same
there was no angry wind
there was no bitter rain
there was no savage hurricane
that had Katrina for a name

No bones of houses silhouetted
stark and rotting
against a darkening sky
no terrifying cries for help
and no babies had to die

My dream was of a better time
of wild parties, of flowing wine
a hot tenor saxophone
blown by a real cool cat
that wailed so sweetly
in the softness of a summer night

A woman sings of her lost love
of a hurting that haunts her soul
here smoky, sexy voice
fills the room with pain

Her man went and done her wrong
but now his sorry ass is gone
and she’s found another love
who’s promised always to be true
but she knows in time
he’ll do the same thing to

Fragrant aromas fill the night
old Joe’s cooking up
a Creole and Cajun delight
cat fish browning in a greasy pan
jambalaya and gumbo boiling on a stove
makes the mouths water
of every hungry man
that plays a horn on Bourbon Street

The scent of sweet jasmine
is carried by the summer wind
girls in sexy, frilly clothes
flirt from behind Japan fans
and dance as the trumpets play
they blush as they surrender to
kisses from their handsome beau
and whirl until the light of day

Like all other sweet night dreams
mine to fades fast away
and leaves behind in its wake
the harsh reality of the day
a lonely, tinny clarinet
plays in sadness and in regret
for the beauty that has passed away

But like a phoenix
that has been consumed
by a bright, burning flame
new Orleans will rise again

The Big Easy shall be made a new
and a hot tenor sax
blown loudly by a real cool cat
will once more wail
in the softness of a summer’s night

A dream will be reborn
by the sound of that golden horn
girlish laughter will fill the air
and young ladies from everywhere
will flirt from behind Japan fans
as they surrender without a care
to bold advances from their beau

The Big Easy calls me to come home
a call I can’t ignore
and I know on some sweet day
I’ll walk on Bourbon Street once more

In my dreams things are the same
there was no angry wind
there was no bitter rain
there was no savage hurricane
that had Katrina for a name

No bones of houses silhouetted
stark and rotting
against a darkening sky
no terrifying cries for help
and no babies had to die

Offline John Yamrus

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Re: New Orleans Dream
« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2009, 05:59:58 PM »
In my dreams things are the same
there was no angry wind
there was no bitter rain
there was no savage hurricane
that had Katrina for a name

No bones of houses silhouetted
stark and rotting
against a darkening sky
no terrifying cries for help
and no babies had to die

My dream was of a better time
of wild parties, of flowing wine
a hot tenor saxophone
blown by a real cool cat
that wailed so sweetly
in the softness of a summer night

A woman sings of her lost love
of a hurting that haunts her soul
here smoky, sexy voice
fills the room with pain

Her man went and done her wrong
but now his sorry ass is gone
and she’s found another love
who’s promised always to be true
but she knows in time
he’ll do the same thing to (too)

Fragrant aromas fill the night
old Joe’s cooking up
a Creole and Cajun delight
cat fish browning in a greasy pan
jambalaya and gumbo boiling on a stove
makes the mouths water
of every hungry man
that plays a horn on Bourbon Street

The scent of sweet jasmine
is carried by the summer wind
girls in sexy, frilly clothes
flirt from behind Japan fans
and dance as the trumpets play
they blush as they surrender to
kisses from their handsome beau (the plural is beaux)
and whirl until the light of day

Like all other sweet night dreams
mine to (too) fades fast away
and leaves behind in its wake
the harsh reality of the day
a lonely, tinny clarinet
plays in sadness and in regret
for the beauty that has passed away

But like a phoenix
that has been consumed
by a bright, burning flame
new Orleans will rise again

The Big Easy shall be made a new
and a hot tenor sax
blown loudly by a real cool cat
will once more wail
in the softness of a summer’s night

A dream will be reborn
by the sound of that golden horn
girlish laughter will fill the air
and young ladies from everywhere
will flirt from behind Japan fans
(you seem to have an affinity for repeating lines in your poems for effect.  used once, it can work...in every poem it can be predictable and dulling)
as they surrender without a care
to bold advances from their beau

The Big Easy calls me to come home
a call I can’t ignore
and I know on some sweet day
I’ll walk on Bourbon Street once more

In my dreams things are the same
there was no angry wind
there was no bitter rain
there was no savage hurricane
that had Katrina for a name

No bones of houses silhouetted
stark and rotting
against a darkening sky
no terrifying cries for help
and no babies had to die


watch your spelling.  mistakes (even in an online journal) can give the wrong impression that the author doesn't respect his audience enough to correct something as minor as spelling mistakes.  in my days as an editor i used to reject out of hand work that wasn't properly maintained.  there's too much good poetry out there to bother with work that fails to respect the reader's intelligence.
have you any unrhymed verse to try here (on another day, of course)?  rhymed verse is very difficult to pull off well.  most times it either works well or fails miserably.  curiously enough, yours manages to fall somewhere in between.
john
Since 1970 John's published 2 novels, 18 books of poetry, and had more than 1,300 poems published in mags around the world.   His new book, (his 20TH) called CAN'T STOP NOW! is available here:

http://www.epicrites.org/

Offline SquarePeg

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Re: New Orleans Dream
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2009, 12:01:18 AM »
Hey Canadianpoet, happy Canada Day just past! 

I really only have two quick comments, first I really enjoyed the types of images you used, they were very appealing and I like that you involved so many senses.  The other thing is; I can see the reason for bookending the piece by bringing phrases from the first strophes and repeating them toward the end, the theme of rebirth is clearly important, but my feeling was there is a bit too much repetition.  It just starts to lose my attention toward the end, I get the point and I'm waiting for something new, but there's no new payoff for the reader.  My humble suggestion is to state the rebirth theme more directly, in fewer stanzas and throw in some new images too so that it doesn't taper off.

I liked it a lot though, particularly the setting.  Have you been to the southeast states?  I'd LOVE to go myself.  Can't believe I never did an American road trip at some point growing up in Canada.  Totally missed out.

Cheers!
Peg
Nirvana is not as much about having nothing to lose, as having nothing to be.