Author Topic: POV question  (Read 900 times)

Offline Duke1921

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POV question
« on: July 01, 2009, 09:24:42 PM »
I have recently learned quite alot about keeping the point of view correct when I write (the hard way).

How about this:

Devin then suddenly snorted in his sleep.  They almost forgot about their new companion.  They looked over at Devin and they all got a good laugh watching him sleep, mouth agape with a glisten of drool on his chin.
   
ďAs silly as this sounds, I think we need to follow Devinís example and get some sleep before day breaks.Ē  Henry said


This is from Henry's POV.  Can I use they to collectively convey their thoughts or emotions or is this a no no?  Thanks,

Duke

sliver of a shard

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Re: POV question
« Reply #1 on: July 01, 2009, 11:14:44 PM »
hi, Duke! I have an idea for ya.

Intro'ing Devin, then 'they' and then Henry at the end seems jarring to me. I'm seeing more of his friends' reactions, not his.

'Devin then suddenly snorted in his sleep.  They almost forgot about their new companion.  They looked over at Devin and they all got a good laugh watching him sleep, mouth agape with a glisten of drool on his chin.
   
ďAs silly as this sounds, I think we need to follow Devinís example and get some sleep before day breaks.Ē  Henry said.'

Here's my take (tweaked a bit for the sake of transition)

'Devin then suddenly snorted in his sleep, startling Henry.' You could go into his reaction/feelings at forgetting about his passed out friend  ;) to lead into the rest of them having a laugh at Devin's expense. He's the main POV char, so we're limited to what he feels, thinks, etc.  ;) 

Hope this helped!

Peace,

Sliver

 

 

Offline Jed Jones

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Re: POV question
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2009, 08:33:43 PM »
Hi Duke,

I'm sure you can use they because your POV character notices the reactions of people around him. The problem area is almost forgot, in

They almost forgot about their new companion

because he needs to read their minds to know that.

But there are ways around this.

Devin snorted in his sleep with a suddenness that startled (Henry and) the others, as though they had (all) forgotten he was there.

Also, Henry doesn't know what, specifically, the others find funny about Devin (glistening drool, etc) unless they mention it.

Hope that helped a bit:)

 
My novel, latest revision:

Synopsis:
http://www.mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=21581