Author Topic: She’s Captured His Heart In Kind (685)  (Read 3778 times)

MarieRose

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Re: She’s Captured His Heart In Kind (685)
« Reply #15 on: June 24, 2009, 06:52:18 AM »
Well, you already know I'm a fan. I'm new to critiquing, I've done it a few times at AuthorNation and it does get easier but not that easy for me. Just wanted to let you know the book and it's cover really look like a good one. Great concept, good luck on your endeavor.

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: She’s Captured His Heart In Kind (685)
« Reply #16 on: June 24, 2009, 07:11:12 AM »
Thank you Marie, I'm posting parts of it all the time to get advise where it needs repairs. So pull out your red pencel and if something doesn't sound right , let me have it with both barrels.  ;D

I'm not so good at critiquing either, but I've been seeing how other do it and hopefully some day I can contribute.
Skip

Offline Aldarinn

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Re: She’s Captured His Heart In Kind (685)
« Reply #17 on: June 24, 2009, 09:41:38 AM »
Hey Skip,

            I see Country4Gal has ironed out almost all the little chinks in your masterly work. It reminded me so much of the Richard Gere scene from 'First Knight' that my heart skipped a beat. I never liked romance as much as horror,adventures and thrills,the sort of stuff our friend Duke's penning lately,but your work has somewhat 'disillusioned' me. Great,sound work, nigh perfectly mirroring what it is like to be in love.Keep it up buddy.This'll make a grand film. ;D ;D
Why are they called apartments, when they're all so stuck together? Huh? ???
The lies become the truth- Michael Jackson(Billie Jean)

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: She’s Captured His Heart In Kind (685)
« Reply #18 on: June 24, 2009, 09:49:08 AM »
Thank you Aldarinn, I never thought I would feel good about causing someones disillusions ... until now, ha  ;D

Offline NurseJenni

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Re: She’s Captured His Heart In Kind (685)
« Reply #19 on: June 24, 2009, 06:25:08 PM »
Hey Skip. This line read wierd to me:

She threw her leg over to the side, sitting sideways on Thunder

I think it might flow better if it said something like "She pulled her leg over to sit sideways on Thunder." or She threw her leg across Thunder's back to sit sideways."

As always just an opinion  ;D Jenni

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: She’s Captured His Heart In Kind (685)
« Reply #20 on: June 24, 2009, 09:06:17 PM »
Whee haw, thank you, I'll use it verbatim,("She pulled her leg over to sit sideways on Thunder.") I think it will read better your way.  ;D

Offline NurseJenni

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Re: She’s Captured His Heart In Kind (685)
« Reply #21 on: June 24, 2009, 09:23:02 PM »
Thanks. One day when your novel is published I can flip through the pages and show my friends..."Look, This is my line." Ha Ha. Probably will be the closest I ever come to having my writing published.  :-\

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: She’s Captured His Heart In Kind (685)
« Reply #22 on: June 24, 2009, 09:28:53 PM »
 ;D no-no, come on and sing with me, "I dreamed a dream ......da dah dome(I forgot the words)"  :D

Offline NurseJenni

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Re: She’s Captured His Heart In Kind (685)
« Reply #23 on: June 24, 2009, 09:41:20 PM »
"I dreamed a dream in time gone by, when hope was high and life worth living....."
Are you talking about Les Mis? That is a depressing song!  :'(

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: She’s Captured His Heart In Kind (685)
« Reply #24 on: June 24, 2009, 09:45:09 PM »
Ha, yeah that's the one, ha
But no matter how many years gets past us... we're gonna do this thing. //change the song to: "Eye of the tiger" and we'll shadow-box around the coffee table.

Offline NurseJenni

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Re: She’s Captured His Heart In Kind (685)
« Reply #25 on: June 24, 2009, 09:53:42 PM »
Wow. You have impressed me Skip! There are not many men I know that would know the lyrics to Les Mis songs. You're ok.

Awww...<blush> Thanks for the support.

Jenni :-*