Author Topic: Introduction to my novel (not suitable for readers under 13)  (Read 3396 times)

Offline Jed Jones

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 137
« Last Edit: November 02, 2012, 04:35:21 AM by Jed Jones »
My novel, latest revision:


Offline Pearl L.

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 115
    • Be a Better Writer
Re: Part Two of my novel (sex themes, not graphic, self-rated 13+)
« Reply #1 on: September 21, 2009, 11:26:20 PM »
Jed, I read through your synopsis and this part of your novel, and it's an intriguing story and a very strong novel idea. I'm impressed with your writing. You have some wonderful dialogue and characters that cause me to care about them.

One suggestion: Are you familiar with the scene/sequel method of writing? As I read, I wasn't clear on the scene goal in this passage. It seems to me that you have one, but that you might not be focusing on a single goal in each scene, and readers need to know exactly what the character wants in each scene in order to root for her and hope she gets it--usually only to have their hopes dashed, which keeps them reading. 

You've created a lot of good complications and tension, but I think that you might make a single scene goal clearer to readers. You can read more about this here: and other articles about scenes are listed on this page:
Pearl Luke is the author of two novels, <i>Burning Ground</i> & <i>Madame Zee</i>. Please visit to read excerpts from the novels, and for advice on writing technique and process, writing resources, writing prompts, character name generator, and much more.