Author Topic: I forgot I wrote this...  (Read 1771 times)

Kyle

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I forgot I wrote this...
« on: May 30, 2009, 08:58:41 PM »


[It is a bright, sunny day in the middle of a university campus.  There sits upon a bench in a grassy area the two main characters; Sandra and Niel.  Both sit on opposite ends of the bench seat, Niel cross-legged, reading a book, Sandra distraught and contemplative.  Sandra is wearing large shades to hide her identity.  Next to Niel is a backpack.  Next to Sandra is a purse and scarf.]

SANDRA

What're you reading?

NIEL
Oh, Sartre.
[Pause.]

SANDRA
How is it?

NIEL
Well, you know... existential.
[Pause.]

SANDRA
What's it about?

NIEL
It's basically about this guy who comes to the realization that his entire life is pretty much meaningless. Like I said, it's existentialism.
[Pause.]

SANDRA
Have you ever felt like that?  Like your whole life was meaningless?

NIEL
In my opinion, if you haven't lived life without asking that question, you haven't lived life at all.

SANDRA
That's pretty deep.

NIEL
Well, I'm a philosophy major, what do you expect?
[Pause.]

SANDRA
Do you think, like, all of life is meaningless?

[Niel bookmarks and closes his book.]

NIEL
Do you really want to get into this discussion?  I mean I wasn't exactly expecting to wake up today and have a philosophical debate with Sandra Bailey.

SANDRA
[Surprised.]
Crap!  You mean you recognize me?

NIEL
The Gucci sunglasses sort of give it away.  Besides, the majority of snapshots I see of you on a daily basis are with you wearing those very same shades.  If you didn't want to be recognized, you should've taken them off.

[Sandra takes off her sunglasses.]

SANDRA
It's just I'm trying not to be noticed.  A lot of people are looking for me.

NIEL
As I've heard.  Apparently you scratched a cameraman's cornea before taking off.  They found your Lamborghini smashed up against a light pole a few blocks down.

SANDRA
Well, I was going to buy a new Lambo anyways.  And that camera guy deserved it.  He was a jerk.
      [Pause.]
What else have they been saying about me?

NIEL
I don't know, I usually turn it off before they get to the nitty-gritty.
         [Pause.]
Sorry, I'm not exactly your biggest fan.

SANDRA
It's okay.  It's kind of nice being around someone who isn't.

[Suddenly, from off stage, a horde of college girls come flocking around Sandra.]

GIRL 1
Oh my God, it's Sandra Bailey.  I'm, like your biggest fan.  Would you sign my sociology book?  I'm not, like, gonna sell it on eBay or anything.  At least not until the class is over.  Hahahaha....
      [Overlapping.]

GIRL 2
I totally know you didn't do those things they said on T.V.  I mean, like, you totally went to rehab for all that, so why would you be doing it again?...
      [Overlapping.]

GIRL 3
My aunt's best friend says that you're pregnant and crashed the Lambo and all that just to get away so you could marry the baby's father who is supposedly Jeff Lake because you fell in love with him when you made that movie sequel with him and...

      [Niel gets up and starts to corral the girls off stage.]

NIEL
I'm sorry, ladies, but you are all deeply mistaken.  This is not Sandra Bailey.  I'm afraid this is just a case of mistaken identity.

GIRL 2
Mistaken identity?

GIRL 1
But she looks just like her.

NIEL
Well, some people say I look like Christian Bale but people aren't crowding around me to sign their unmentionables, are they?

[After the girls leave, chattering off into the distance, Niel sits back down, this time slightly closer to Sandra.]

SANDRA
Thanks.

NIEL
It was as much for my benefit as it was for yours.
   
      [Sandra puts her sunglasses back on and wraps her head with her scarf.]

SANDRA
I guess I can't go anywhere.

NIEL
You weren't thinking about that when you decided to star in all those movies?

SANDRA
      [Slightly angered.]
I didn't decide anything.  My mom signed all the contracts.  I was starring in my first major motion picture when I was twelve.  I didn't ask for any of this.

NIEL
So that's why you scratched a cameraman's cornea and crashed a Lambo?
      [Pause.]
Is that why you attempted suicide?

Offline bowmore bill

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Re: I forgot I wrote this...
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2009, 12:28:07 PM »
I really enjoyed this, I must admit that i do not know anything about script writingIn saying that hoewver its somethinh i have always wanted to try. I have written quite a few short stories and would love to script them.
Could I make an obversation?
In the first chapter you mention a bench in the park, and then about two people sitting on it.
Instead of saying both sit on opposite ends of the bench seat.
Why not try, both sitting apart on opposite ends og the bench.{ dropping seat.} 

Kyle

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Re: I forgot I wrote this...
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2009, 04:52:31 PM »
I really enjoyed this, I must admit that i do not know anything about script writingIn saying that hoewver its somethinh i have always wanted to try. I have written quite a few short stories and would love to script them.
Could I make an obversation?
In the first chapter you mention a bench in the park, and then about two people sitting on it.
Instead of saying both sit on opposite ends of the bench seat.
Why not try, both sitting apart on opposite ends og the bench.{ dropping seat.} 
That's fine, but I think the point of script writing is getting the gist across.  It's assumed that the only people who'd be reading this are the actors and director.  So as long as they understand the gist, getting caught up in semantics or poetic flow isn't necessary.  That's why I sometimes like scripting instead of just writing; it allows for one to concern themselves with nothing but the story and characters.

Offline checksixproductions

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Re: I forgot I wrote this...
« Reply #3 on: June 21, 2009, 02:40:34 AM »
Interesting enough, however, in the first three exchanges Sandra's dialogue seems flat and uninteresting, more like she's feeding Niel lines to move the story along.  Perhaps you could add more conflict in her lines to give her more character.  Good excerpt!  Check out my post:  "1st 7 pages.  3 high school girls..."
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