Author Topic: Flash Fiction: Daddy (115 words)  (Read 10058 times)

Offline Joe Mynhardt

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Flash Fiction: Daddy (115 words)
« on: April 07, 2009, 05:10:11 PM »
Edit: This story has been lengthened a bit with some more suspense and clarity, and then published.
Feel free to check it out: http://www.be-a-better-writer.com/daddy-flash-fiction.html

Due to the story having so many fans, I started a facebook page for 'Daddy' if anyone would like to join:
http://www.facebook.com/#/pages/Daddy-by-Joe-Mynhardt/276998730770?ref=ts

I originally wrote this for the Flash Fiction challenge, but couldn't
fit in the 3 compulsary words.  So now I just want to share it with
all of you.  It's the first of my stories that my wife loves. (I think it's because
there's no scary vampires and demons in it  ;D

Hope you enjoy it...


“Help!” a man shouted as he stumbled from the lake – Soaked.
“My little girl is still in the car! Please help!”

Bystanders stormed forward.

“My baby!” he pleaded as he paced up and down, digging his fingers into his hair.
“Dear God,” he cried, “Please don’t let my baby die.

He collapsed onto the ground and buried his fist into the sand.  “Take me instead.”

More people arrived at the scene, yet only one bystander entered the water.

“Why aren’t you saving my baby?” he pleaded with bystanders.  “What’s wrong with you people?”

The bystander exited the water with a small blonde girl cradled in his arms. “She’s alright,” he sighed, “but the father’s dead.”
« Last Edit: January 30, 2010, 09:15:47 AM by Joe Mynhardt »
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Two time Bram Stoker Award nominated editor publishing only the best in Dark Fiction. Check out Crystal Lake's books and grab two free titles by joining the newsletter.

Pauliana

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Re: Flash Fiction: Daddy - Just want to share this with you all
« Reply #1 on: April 07, 2009, 05:17:42 PM »
Haunting!

Offline ma100

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Re: Flash Fiction: Daddy - Just want to share this with you all
« Reply #2 on: April 07, 2009, 05:35:55 PM »
This is very good Joe.  :)

Ma

Offline Joe Mynhardt

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Re: Flash Fiction: Daddy - Just want to share this with you all
« Reply #3 on: April 07, 2009, 05:38:34 PM »
Thanks Pauliana and Ma.

I wanted to make it longer.
But it took away the magic of the piece. - So I kept it as it is.

Thanks again.
Founder and CEO of Crystal Lake Publishing - Tales from the Darkest Depths.
Two time Bram Stoker Award nominated editor publishing only the best in Dark Fiction. Check out Crystal Lake's books and grab two free titles by joining the newsletter.

Offline Jade

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Re: Flash Fiction: Daddy - Just want to share this with you all
« Reply #4 on: April 15, 2009, 01:07:50 PM »
Hi Joe

Your wife is a clever lady - economy of words - and saying so much.

Well done.
Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.
Cyril Connolly

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Offline eric

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Re: Flash Fiction: Daddy - Just want to share this with you all
« Reply #5 on: April 15, 2009, 01:17:24 PM »
This is good, Joe.  Affecting.

Offline Joe Mynhardt

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Re: Flash Fiction: Daddy - Just want to share this with you all
« Reply #6 on: April 15, 2009, 03:45:22 PM »
Thanks Jade and Eric,

you really made my day  :)
Founder and CEO of Crystal Lake Publishing - Tales from the Darkest Depths.
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Offline Geraldine

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Re: Flash Fiction: Daddy - Just want to share this with you all
« Reply #7 on: May 12, 2009, 04:17:12 AM »
Hi Joe,

This is a very beautiful, clever and shocking piece, it gave me the goosebumps, your wife seems to be right on the button!  :)
love in death shows what love in life should be

Offline Joe Mynhardt

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Re: Flash Fiction: Daddy - Just want to share this with you all
« Reply #8 on: May 12, 2009, 05:26:02 AM »
Thanks, Keanog. 

Glad you liked it.
Founder and CEO of Crystal Lake Publishing - Tales from the Darkest Depths.
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Offline emma112

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Re: Flash Fiction: Daddy - Just want to share this with you all
« Reply #9 on: May 12, 2009, 09:40:24 AM »
I agree with everyone else, Joe.
I didn't expect the ending at all.
Very good piece! You capture us from beginning to end.

 
Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us - Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice)

Offline sanibel

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Re: Flash Fiction: Daddy - Just want to share this with you all
« Reply #10 on: May 23, 2009, 05:41:24 AM »
 Hi Joe!

Just had to comment on this. This peice draws you in immediately, holds your attention and then wham! I think the pace, and length is exactly right, and it is very well done.

Sanibel
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Offline Joe Mynhardt

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Re: Flash Fiction: Daddy - Just want to share this with you all
« Reply #11 on: May 23, 2009, 05:58:10 AM »
Thanks a lot, Sanibel.

Glad you liked it.
Founder and CEO of Crystal Lake Publishing - Tales from the Darkest Depths.
Two time Bram Stoker Award nominated editor publishing only the best in Dark Fiction. Check out Crystal Lake's books and grab two free titles by joining the newsletter.

Offline wannabewriter

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Re: Flash Fiction: Daddy (115 words)
« Reply #12 on: May 23, 2009, 04:06:24 PM »
I am really new to all the writing world but Wow! I was really drawn into this. It even put tears in my eyes. The ending really got me. Excellent job.

Paula aka wannabewriter
Paula aka wannabewriter


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arbraun

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Re: Flash Fiction: Daddy (115 words)
« Reply #13 on: July 15, 2009, 02:53:00 PM »
Very nice.

Offline AmyBoz

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Re: Flash Fiction: Daddy (115 words)
« Reply #14 on: July 18, 2009, 10:20:15 PM »
THAT was fabulous!  Love a story with a twist, and that was certainly a twist!
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