Author Topic: Rat Hotel  (Read 868 times)

Offline nabhaniilananda

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Rat Hotel
« on: April 28, 2006, 05:53:39 PM »
Here's another chapter opening from my novel in progress, "The Way of the Banana". This is the bad guy - st Lucifer. Believe it or not, this partcular incident is based on real events.

Hope you enjoy it.
Dada Nabhaniilananda

Room Occupation Therapy

Saint Lucifer was desperate. He didn’t want to stay in this dump hotel, but it was 2 am and all the non-dump hotels in Bombay seemed to be full, so he figured that he could stay here for what was left of tonight and try to find somewhere better in the morning.
He entered his room. It looked just slightly better than the worst room he’d ever seen in his life, which was on the planet Honkobeefiac, where all the hotels are made of buffalo dung.
He opened the bathroom door and was greeted by the sight of a huge beady-eyed rat sitting on the edge of the sink. The rat looked at him as if to say, “excuse me, didn’t anyone ever teach you to knock?”
Lucifer tried not to scream, slammed the bathroom door and trundled downstairs urgently. He’d faced ten headed monsters and brain eating space giants without breaking a sweat, but he couldn’t stand rats.
“Excuse me, but I can’t stay in that room as it is already occupied.”
The hotel night manager at the desk looked surprised. “Is it sir? I’m terribly sorry – was the person upset that you disturbed them this late?”
“It is not occupied by a person. Rather it is a huge bubonic plague carrying rodent with beady eyes – a large rat, to be specific.”
“Oh I’m so sorry sir,” the manager turned to his assistant angrily. “Gustav! (a popular Hindu name) I told you to tell the rat that she couldn’t have that room anymore.”
“But she only wanted to stay in the bathroom sir – she promised not to sleep in the bed.”
The manager turned to the Saint. “We could reduce the room rate if you’re prepared to share the bathroom sir. You see, we can’t very well ask the rat to leave – she was here first, and it’s two o’clock in the morning.”
Lucifer looked at him as if he was trying to decide which of his ears he should bite off. The manager took this as a no, and quickly added, “please do consider it sir, accommodation is as a premium this week. Now wouldn’t you like to just go to bed – what’s the harm in having an innocent cute little rat for company.”
Lucifer didn’t appear to see things that way. “I hate you and I want to kill you,” he said gently, as he moved towards the managers left ear.
   “Excuse me a moment”, the night manager was called aside by Gustav who was looking very concerned. They spoke in low tones in Hindi.
Lucifer was getting impatient. “Hello, is there any chance of getting some accommodation in a non-bubonic plague zone? Hello – it’s 2 o’clock in the morning. Some of us have been travelling for 14 hours and had to fight to the death with rabid airport trolleys, and perhaps need a little rest.”

The phone rang. Gustav broke off his conversation with the manager to answer it.
“Hello, Not Enough Hugs Hotel.”
“Do you have a room available for tonight?” The enquirers voice was clear on the other end of the line.
“Why yes sir, Would that be with or without a rat?”
“Er.. without please.”
“Right. Well you’re in luck. And in peak season too. There is one room left with no rat.”
“Good, I’ll take it.”
“There is one small problem.”
“What is that?”
“It doesn’t have a roof.”
“But you can’t rent out a room with no roof!”
“I know – it’s been vacant for months. We’re losing a fortune.”

Lucifer wandered away in a daze and sat down near a crabby looking European woman. He had no wish to enquire why she was reading the newspaper at 2am in the lobby, eating hot chilly snacks.
She looked up at him.
“You complain too much. My husband was eaten by a Bengal tiger that was sleeping in the wardrobe. Everything was OK so long as it was asleep, but my husband had this cell-phone with a really annoying ring, and it woke the tiger up. So it ate him up and didn’t even say thank you, but you don’t hear me complaining. And it’s not just this hotel – it’s a veritable epidemic. I read about a guy staying at the Hilton, and there was a shark in the bath. Ate him of course.”
“You people are mad. You can’t have animals eating your guests, and then tell other guests not to complain because at least they haven’t been eaten yet!”
The night manager looked at him blankly. “Why not?”
Warm regards
Dada Nabhaniilananda


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Re: Rat Hotel
« Reply #1 on: April 30, 2006, 06:15:41 AM »
Interesting twist ;)