Author Topic: =20= Heartstrings Attending to His Bow  (Read 1798 times)

Offline Skip Slocum

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12384
  • Writers are dreamers with pens
=20= Heartstrings Attending to His Bow
« on: January 17, 2009, 10:54:41 AM »
In this segment, I'm trying to work on realistic, spit-fire dialog, with as few tags as possible by making each voice as distinct and clear as I can write them. this picks up immediately after: =19= I Think You’re The Only One

=20= Heartstrings Attending to His Bow

     Dina’s eyes begged her sister to accept the dinner invitation. Zell had no plans to turn it down when she found out Danny was going to be the chef. She wanted to find out more about the man that had stolen Dina’s heart. Danny told them he wanted to go back to the farmers market and Zell insisted she drive over so they wouldn’t need to bring her home.

“Danny you go ahead, when we’re ready I’ll show Zell the way.”

“Dress comfortable, nothing fancy. You girls like Italian?”

Zell smirked, “Anything you want, as long as you’re doing the cooking.”

Danny made sure Dina remembered the way before he left. He was hardly out the door when Zell pounced on her sister,

“Okay, what’s he like, did he curl your toes, wait, that look on your face already told me he did but I want to hear about it.”

“Zell, you’ve lost your mind if you think I’m gonna tell you that.

“Come on, did he leave any marks on you?”

“No, Danny is kind and very gentle, he would never do that”

They headed to Zell’s room to see what was in her closet,

“That’s horse pooh and you know it, that smirk on your face tells me you got bite marks all over you.”

Dina’s ears turned as red as her cheeks, “Well maybe a couple…little ones”

“I knew it, don’t try lying to me, because….

“I know, because I suck at it right?”

“Well you do, ever since Mom told you a big red dot appeared on your forehead when you lied, hang it up. From that day on you couldn’t lie if your life depended on it.”

“And I suppose you can?”

“Sure watch this” Zell pulled her hair back so Dina could see her forehead, “I promise not to go to his house while you’re gone.”

“Dina shoved her sister in the closet and closed the door, “You ass, you’d better not, Danny is….he’s…I think I love him.” she needed to tell someone.

Zell’s muffled voice was a little more serious still holding to her sarcastic ways, “No shit, I could have told you that yesterday, now open the damn door.”

     Danny wanted them to show up in denims but Dina barrowed one of Zell’s smaller dresses, they spent a little time on their hair and makeup too.

“These day, any man that brings me flowers is gonna get the best I’ve got. Besides I’m the one that has to come home alone and I want to step it up a little…for a change.”

“But I thought you had someone, Steve wasn’t it?”

     Zell made it clear to Dina she didn’t want to talk about her love life or anyone named Steve.

     When they got to Danny’s house, Dina had to push Zell’s mouth closed and remind her to take off her shoes when they got inside.

     Danny was already home, cooking up a storm, by the time they went in Zell had almost melted when she saw the inside of his home. He proudly watched from the kitchen as Dina showed Zell around.

     A glass of wine was waiting for them when they came back. He pointed out some of the places he and his Dad had trouble fitting or building certain custom joints.
For the most part, that stuff went right over the two girl’s heads but Zell could tell most of his pride was for the time he spent with his father and not just the house. 

     After dinner, they visited a while longer and Danny agreed to play for them. Even though Dina and Zell were wearing dresses, they gladly sat on the floor in Danny’s music room to listen.

     Dina watched him closely as he drew his bow across the strings. Already convinced he was the most beautiful man that ever lived, when he took a hold of the cello, his spirits soared. Danny closed his eyes during some of the parts but when he opened them, he could only see Dina.

      Zell knew nothing of music but she knew love when she saw it or in this case heard it. Danny’s music was telling Dina how deeply he felt. Zell couldn’t decide which one of them to look at but it filled her with joy to see her sister happier than she had ever been. The way Danny pulled at the bow while looking at his love made Zell a little uncomfortable as if she were intruding on a very private and tender moment.

     When he finally stopped, Dina was glowing again. Zell wiped a tear from her own cheek before it embarrassed her and for the first time in her life, she didn’t have a smart-ass comment.

“I’m going home now so you two can be alone.” *
« Last Edit: January 20, 2009, 04:18:39 AM by Skip Slocum »

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 31219
  • Hello from Texas
    • Alice's Hide Away
Re: Heartstrings Attending to His Bow
« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2009, 10:14:16 PM »
Skip, I've read and enjoyed this, but too tired at the moment to go into any detail.  Hopefully later.
MWC Charity Publications.>
The universe is made of stories, not of atoms. -Muriel Rukeyser, poet and activist (15 Dec 1913-1980)

R. L. Copple's:

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
-Mohandas K. Gandhi

Offline Skip Slocum

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12384
  • Writers are dreamers with pens
Re: Heartstrings Attending to His Bow
« Reply #2 on: January 18, 2009, 07:07:14 PM »
I'll be here when you're ready.